Black People : sistah brotha chat... to be or not to be

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by lilchitownlady, Aug 6, 2003.

  1. lilchitownlady

    lilchitownlady Member MEMBER

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    The sister to sister chat room has been asked why do we not have a sistah brotha chat... Well we (the sistah's) discussed it, and decided that maybe we should have a chat with our kings. I found that through that discussion, I realized that do have a question or 2, maybe 3 to ask... The 1st .... How do my brotha's really feel about a black woman making a larger salary than his... especially his woman and why? Do you feel your roll in our minds your roll in our eyes has changed? How do we as black queens/women help you feel secure in the fact that your are our kings and contribute to our family despite your economic sistuation? Can we talk Brothas?
     
  2. A007

    A007 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hello lilchi--

    First...I am sure my response to this question will not speak to all brotha's feelings but I would venture to say a large majority feel this way----

    Question 1

    Most of us have NO PROBLEM with our women making more money than us. The problem comes from the woman not being able to turn off her ambitious drive when she gets home and just be a woman. For most men it is not about the money but the attitude that some women take when they make more. As if to say to their men "look buddy this is my show, you are just in it! and you CAN be replaced if you don't do what I say." this is degrading to either gender. Women don't like it when we have that attitude (when we make more money) and men CAN'T TAKE IT when women have this attitude (when they make more money).

    Question 2--

    Most men nowadays DO feel like our roles have change...mostly because women feel their roles have changed. This is the day and age of the independent woman. "I don't need a man." "I can do bad by myself." "I got my own." Well guess what....we want to be needed!! That does not mean we want women totally dependent upon us, but to feel like we could be discarded at any time does not make us feel too good. Call it insecurity, or weak but it is true. We have been relegated to the role of sidekick when we have been used to being the superhero....it is a tough pill to swallow....especially when some of you all are forcing it down our throats like it is caster oil.

    Question 3--

    You make us feel like kings by letting us do what we do best and encouraging us to do so. The fact that we are not allowed to make any signifgant decisions undermines our leadership ability tremendously. This is what most men want at their core (to be a leader in his own household). And if it can't be in the area of the bread winner....then it will have to come in some other area. The problem is that the women whom have acheived some measure of success in her chosen profession have done so by having control over every aspect that it was possible for her to, and this control issue carries over into home. This does not mean that we want to control our women...only have some ability to lead without continuous rebellion.
    "Leadership is either given by respect or taken by force"--Ghandi
    Those of us whom are not willing to take a leadership role by force i.e. beat yall down (mentally, physically, or emotionally) are going to remove ourselves from situations where we have not earned a leadership role through respect.

    Sooo...this brings up a good question...What does it take for us to earn your respect if we are not the "bread winners"??
     
  3. Nfant_De_Milieu

    Nfant_De_Milieu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    One
    I donot have any problem with a woman making more or less money than me. The main objective is that she is working!!
    AOO7 made a good point on how some females feel it is their way or the highway. A know numerous females have this preconceived notion about the man's role. The man is suppose to give her the chilvary treatment while she does what she want. As soon as a argument erupts the first thing out her mouth is , I have my own money, I donot need you. I donot want anyone who doesnot want me. Stop fighting me and let me luv u.

    Two
    Roles have changed these day. There are more opportunities for females these days. Although, in a relationship there is still going to be a dominant and a submissive one.


    Three
    One way a female can make a brotha feel secure is just listening what he has to say and not bashing him for what he says. I love it when a women is interested in what I have to say. Most of the time if you listen to what a person is saying you will see what that person is all about. Just by a little dialog you will know if that person is right for you. I am more likely to pursue the sistah who tells me that she has goals in her life. Not the other sistah who just talks about how she can put her legs behind her head.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    i agree with above answers .............to sum it up !
    but never have a problem with who makes more
     
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