Black People : Single moms raising girls to remain single?

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by Kemetstry, May 7, 2010.

  1. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Single moms raising girls to remain single?

    By Audrey Irvine, CNN




    May 6, 2010 8:50 a.m. EDT





















    Her mother very rarely talked about the good qualities of her late father, Audrey Irvine says.








    STORY HIGHLIGHTS



    Audrey Irvine's father died when she was 3, leaving her mom to raise three kids
    Mom struggled and made sure her daughters knew how to support themselves
    Columnist rarely heard much about her dad because mom was so busy
    Irvine wonders whether single moms unwittingly raise their daughters to be single



    Atlanta, Georgia (CNN) -- As a single black woman, I am tired of people and the media moaning about why black women can't find successful black men willing to marry them.
    "Nightline" dedicated a show recently to this situation, offering the explanation that the available pool of successful black men is rather slim. The 2000 U.S. Census also found 1.8 million more African-American women than black men. A recent Yale study found that 42 percent of African-American women are unmarried, compared with 23 percent of white women.
    I know the numbers don't lie, but after talking with friends, I realized there is another factor that has nothing to do with race. As the daughter of a single parent, I wonder whether are we raising our daughters to be single as well.
    My father died when I was 3, leaving my mother to raise three kids on her own. My mother was adamant about raising her kids to be independent, self-sufficient members of society. I remember while growing up always hearing "find a way to take care of yourself and have your own."
    My mother would punctuate each comment with the reminder that she had to figure it out after my father died. She did not want to see her children face the same fate.
    Parents instill their unrealized hopes and dreams into their children's future. But it is also possible to fill us with their fears. I didn't realize that I was the byproduct of my mother's obvious fear that her kids would somehow be unprepared for the struggles and heartache that she had faced.
    Years later, I recall having a great conversation with my mother on how she met my father. I always cherished those moments when she would share any detail about him. While telling this story, my mother's face lit up and she was laughing, then she started to cry. I realized that 30 years later, she still missed him.
    She felt cheated because he had left so soon. I knew at that moment that my mother had filled me with her anger and sadness over losing my father. I realized I had never been told by my mother what to expect from a man, so all this time I had been flying blind.
    What about those women who had to grow up hearing complaints that their father was never around. What about those mothers who have faced a bitter divorce? Are they projecting all their drama on their kids as well? Has this created a generation of hurt, angry women who only know how to be single?
    One of my girlfriends is the product of divorce. She lived with mother, who took every opportunity to talk badly about her father. When her father remarried, her mother became bitter.
    She would make disparaging comments about the new wife, calling their marriage a sham. At no point did my girlfriend receive any positive feedback about her father. She has since spent the longest time avoiding any man that reminds her of her father.
    I won't say that my childhood experience is the sole reason for all the other unmarried successful women. However, it does provide some potential insight as to what may be holding women back from finding that potential mate.
    Before my mother died three years ago, we were able to have the conversation I wished I had had as a teenager. I got to hear that my father was a humble, hardworking man with an incredible sense of humor.

    She was finally able to hang up her fears and let me know that the man I am looking for is still out there. Despite the statistics that are thrown our faces daily, I remain hopeful knowing that my parents will be proud when that choice is made







    :em0200:


     
  2. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Kemetstry, I'm beginning to see pattern emerge with your posts: you want to shoot up every single stereotype about ('nice') black men, while parlaying up those of black women. You definitely have an agenda... and I wonder why you have it.

    I do not want to dwell on the single factor. But there was a few points raised in the posts that we, as sisters, definitely need to address - our bitterness towards other women when our relationships go awry.

    Definitely something we sisters could discuss and shed light on, but that might not go over well with someone who wants to constantly point out our flaws that (in his mind) continually make us single and not date-worthy.

    Depending on the direction this post takes (if any), I may posts more or be relieved of it all together.
     
  3. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Actually, there is no pattern to my posts. I have posted topics on a wide range of issues. You just werent interested. lol

















    :em0200:

     
  4. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    ...Also...

    1. I will note that I have NEVER subscribed to the sugar and spice myths

    2. I have also started threads:
    Say Something nice/bad about your ex
    Tributes to Women for the month of May (To coincide with Mother's Day)
    Tributes to Men for the month of June( To coincide with Fathers Day )
    Men Attacked by Craze PMS Women
    Started love challenges to the brothers in the poetry room
    Say No to Mookie!
    Etc
    etc
    etc

    Just to name a few. Only insecure females would see an individual thread as a pattern
















     
  5. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    its a pattern

    :ref: insecure female - 1, kemetstry - 0
     
  6. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    lol...
    u know i got ur back kem but....ummm err ahhh....lol

    one love
    khasm
     
  7. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Maybe you are right.

    I stand corrected. And I didn't know 'Say Something Nice About Your X' was started by you, I assumed it was started by a female. I didn't read all the thread, it was brought up for me and I responded. I liked responding to that one - it was a good thread. I thought it was good way to try to see past the bitterness of relationships and try to figure out what good or lessons someone may have taught or given you in that relationship.

    No, not. Apparently I didn't take that much interest in the others like you said, or they are too far back. The ones I've seen your name attached to of late have always been the ones about single women, your complaints that they always want thugs like Mookie and forgo the nice guy, and the one dispelling the 'myth' that fathers abandon their children.

    If I jumped the conclusion that this is all you're about or interested in and this is not an accurate conclusion - my apologies.
     
  8. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    LMAO

    Gotta watch them. They are sneaky














    :em0200:

     
  9. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I feel I'm gonna need all the help I can get

    lol
    :toast:












    :em0200:


     
  10. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    :fyi: Practice makes perfect. I gotta keep tryin until I get it right. :court:
     
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