Poetry Critiques : Sinful indiscretions

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by LeeStone, May 9, 2008.

  1. LeeStone

    LeeStone New Member MEMBER

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    hello all....
    this is the very first time that I have ever shared any of my writing...needless to say i am very nervous....Please, be honest. There is always room for improvement.

    Sinful indiscretions
    When his lips touched mine, it was all
    Over.
    His hands searched my body for a treasure that was unknown to me
    F****** him was a humbling experience
    From rubbing my body down with oil
    To sucking my syrup covered breast
    Exploring me
    Memorizing every crease and fold
    I was lost in
    Sensations of pleasure
    Wanting to feel him
    Wanting to feel his stroke
    Let him inflict
    Pleasure
    And
    Pain
    Onto my body
    Pushing himself
    Inside of me
    Past my
    Tension,
    Past my
    Insecurities
    And bringing me to a point
    Of no return
    Exposing my body
    To depths of pleasure that I was unaware of
    Forcing me to look him in the eye
    Showcasing my
    Vulnerability
    Letting him know he was in control
    Directing my body to do as he pleased
    “Let me in. Indulge in my sin”
    Thrusting deeper
    Harder
    And as each tear
    Falls
    Her regains his strength
    Licks my tears
    Chills race through my body
    And I am in sexual shock.
     
  2. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Greetings LeeStone and

    Thanks for Sharing!

    SiS Lee...The memories of HIM you done stirred up in me...
    When I THINK of Him....

    I was feeling every stroke
    How all my fragile barriers broke
    Sending out a steamy hot mix
    Drawing me to him as he hollered

    Cum Quick

    I'm gonna take you on the trip of your life
    Come on girl, don't put up no fight
    In the dark, your eyes bright, showing a whole lotta white
    background

    At first I frowned
    Was afraid I'd dance
    like the clown
    when a man know how to throw it down

    Causing me to cream
    while at the same time I Scream

    Oh Baby Hell...

    I'm Cummmmmmmmming
    wit u...
    boo
    Sinfully Indiscreet
    come along honey...let me beat that meat

    I'm ready for one to quell some of dis heat
    Fill me till I'm complete~ly
    drenched...come on..
    I'll be your bedside wrench
    engaging in sinful delights

    and....


    I like it like dat:em0400:

    M.E.
    :hearts2:
     
  3. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It's normal to be nervous the first time you share, we've all been there. I take it that it was your intent to let us into the details of a sensually charged romp... Well then poet, mission very well accomplished!
    Welcome to Destee.com. Please aquaint yourself with our Forum Rules, as well as our rules of Poetic Etiquette. Continue to make yourself at home, because you are. :)
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    And you did so well , this piece was very well done it would have been nice
    to see you break it off in a few stanza's
     
  5. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    in the 4th line from the bottom there should be a he instead of a her...
    the dude get's excited from licking ur tears?
    wow...thas really deep...imma leave that alone...

    welcome to destee...hope to see more...

    one love
    khasm
     
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