Black Short Stories : Shyawae

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by Angela22, Nov 16, 2013.

  1. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Last edited: Nov 1, 2014
  2. Frenemy

    Frenemy Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I like how you opened with rhyming in your narration then switched it up, and then ended with the same style you used in the beginning. This was simple but effective writing; and I like the names!
     
  3. Frenemy

    Frenemy Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The lessons were nice too :p
     
  4. Perfection

    Perfection Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Morning Queen...hope you are well :)

    Your story, like your Christian writings, are eloquent, inviting and confident. And I emphasize confident. But if I may, I would ask that you consider a small detail.

    The above two quotes (by you) could diminish the confidence nature of your narrative. Try to avoid offering your readers a justification to seek out flaws. If something needs fixing, don't do so in the open.

    If someone digs your flavor of writing, they will always allow for errors sure to appear occasionally.

    Thanks for blessing us with this powerful and enjoyable story and I'm sitting back waiting for an encore :p
     
  5. Frenemy

    Frenemy Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I didn't notice anything wrong about it before! But I'll be re-reading since you've added to it. And I had tons of fun reading it!
     
  6. Frenemy

    Frenemy Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Lol... well then I just feel silly now :p
    Great story, Angela.
     
  7. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Heheh, thank you Frenemy. :p:D

    I'm glad you liked the names, also! It's so exciting when there are fans of your work, huh?:lol:
     
  8. Frenemy

    Frenemy Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I
    Mmmhm. Keep doing it, you have this writing thing down pat. :thumbsup:
     
  9. Frenemy

    Frenemy Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I was excited once the lion came on to the scene, and surprised when he decided to attack them. I was expecting him to be friends with the kids after that, but I probably should have known better just from what Shyawae's dad said in the beginning. I was afraid, too, that at least one of them would get injured when he had isolated Shyawae and the other two came to help; but I'm glad they all got out of there in one piece.
     
  10. Frenemy

    Frenemy Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    No problem :D
    The names caught my eye at first. The themes behind them held my interest, and the trials they each completed made me love them. At the end you mentioned this wasn't the last of their adventures. I hope that was a subtle hint at more to come? :spinsmile: