Black Relationships : Shouldn't the Man Wear the Pants?

river

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Mar 22, 2004
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This was an issue in my marriage. Neither of us wanted me to wear the pants but I felt like somebody had to wear them.

I've been on my own a looooong time. For my high school graduation present my parents bought me a set of luggage. So when something needs to be done in my home I've always had to do it. I tried to appreciate the fact that a man needs to feel needed. But here the pants were hanging in the closet--balled up in the back of the bottom drawer. I could not sit tight with that. I figure if I have to wear the pants then I might as well be single especially if the man is going to take his frustration out on me because he is spineless and cant't hang with being a man.

There's something in me that long's to reverence a reverent man--to be his cheerleader--to be submissive without being subservient--obedient without being obsequious. That's my desire.
 

jamesfrmphilly

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i would think there are plenty of men who would be happy to dominate you.
you should have no problem.

BTW - "be careful what you wish for, you might get it"
 

river

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jamesfrmphilly said:
i would think there are plenty of men who would be happy to dominate you.
you should have no problem.

BTW - "be careful what you wish for, you might get it"
Not talking about domination. Talking about leadership. In fact a man will try to dominate when he doesn't know how to lead. There's a difference.
 

Sun Ship

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Sister river, I understand the frustration you seem to have endured. I am always talking about brothers, especially those who suppose to be progressive and revolutionary, having applicable skills. This is more than just “wearing the pants” of the household. If you need a man to function responsibly and effectively you have to be able to identify that type of brother when you’re socializing among men or take interest in a mate.

When I was coming up, the word was “a man needed to be able to think on his feet”. I understand the idea of the man “wearing the pants” but today women work and have more of a functional role outside the house than when that saying was made popular or was functional. Sisters, are going to have to take hold of what is viable from the past and what needs to stay in the chauvinistic past and discuss this with their men and then brothers are going to have stop "BS’in" and step up to the plate.

Sisters today, define "wearing the pants" differently, some want to be with a brother with big money and making big decisions and others want a man who can put on some bibs and swing a hammer when necessary. If Black women make the “correct and right” demands about what they want, the playa’s and the pimps will disappear…for in the end “women choose”.
 

Ralfa'il

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Mar 25, 2005
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River

Respect sis...

I think you're in the wrong neighborhood.

It seems that many if not most of our men no longer want to be the ruler of his domain and leader of his family.

That type of quest for power is seen as a "negative" by many of the so-called "concious" negroes.

Check this thread:
http://destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=34143&page=1


It seems that too many of our bruthaz would rather look and sound "pretty" than be the providing and protecting men God made them to be.
 

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