Black Relationships : Shouldn't the Man Wear the Pants?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by river, May 19, 2005.

  1. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    This was an issue in my marriage. Neither of us wanted me to wear the pants but I felt like somebody had to wear them.

    I've been on my own a looooong time. For my high school graduation present my parents bought me a set of luggage. So when something needs to be done in my home I've always had to do it. I tried to appreciate the fact that a man needs to feel needed. But here the pants were hanging in the closet--balled up in the back of the bottom drawer. I could not sit tight with that. I figure if I have to wear the pants then I might as well be single especially if the man is going to take his frustration out on me because he is spineless and cant't hang with being a man.

    There's something in me that long's to reverence a reverent man--to be his cheerleader--to be submissive without being subservient--obedient without being obsequious. That's my desire.
     
  2. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    i would think there are plenty of men who would be happy to dominate you.
    you should have no problem.

    BTW - "be careful what you wish for, you might get it"
     
  3. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Not talking about domination. Talking about leadership. In fact a man will try to dominate when he doesn't know how to lead. There's a difference.
     
  4. Sun Ship

    Sun Ship Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sister river, I understand the frustration you seem to have endured. I am always talking about brothers, especially those who suppose to be progressive and revolutionary, having applicable skills. This is more than just “wearing the pants” of the household. If you need a man to function responsibly and effectively you have to be able to identify that type of brother when you’re socializing among men or take interest in a mate.

    When I was coming up, the word was “a man needed to be able to think on his feet”. I understand the idea of the man “wearing the pants” but today women work and have more of a functional role outside the house than when that saying was made popular or was functional. Sisters, are going to have to take hold of what is viable from the past and what needs to stay in the chauvinistic past and discuss this with their men and then brothers are going to have stop "BS’in" and step up to the plate.

    Sisters today, define "wearing the pants" differently, some want to be with a brother with big money and making big decisions and others want a man who can put on some bibs and swing a hammer when necessary. If Black women make the “correct and right” demands about what they want, the playa’s and the pimps will disappear…for in the end “women choose”.
     
  5. Ralfa'il

    Ralfa'il Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    River

    Respect sis...

    I think you're in the wrong neighborhood.

    It seems that many if not most of our men no longer want to be the ruler of his domain and leader of his family.

    That type of quest for power is seen as a "negative" by many of the so-called "concious" negroes.

    Check this thread:
    http://destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=34143&page=1


    It seems that too many of our bruthaz would rather look and sound "pretty" than be the providing and protecting men God made them to be.
     
  6. Sun Ship

    Sun Ship Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    :lol: Brother Ralfa'il, you need to find you a woman or a family to lead, "and stop talkin' the talk and start walkin' the walk"

    Peace,

    Brother Sun Ship :cool:
     
  7. Ralfa'il

    Ralfa'il Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sun Ship

    I don't know what prompted you to make that statement, but I think you got the wrong fella....

    I'm not the one having problems finding a mate.






    All

    On another thread brutha Sun Ship and a few others wondered aloud why there was so many concioius black men and women who were lonely and couldn't find a mate.

    The answer is because too many of the so-call "concious" black people are full of mess.

    As black men we need to learn to start DOING instead of just trying to charm our women with sweet "intelligent sounding" words that mean nothing.

    No body can make it sound good and lay the rap down like a black man, but if calling our sistaz "queen" all day and telling them whatever they wanted to hear was the solution why are gender relation in our society at an all time low?



    Some of you love to quote Elijah Muhammad, Marcus Garvey, and Malcolm but you leave out the part where they challenged men to be the protectors and maintainers of our women and that we should lead the family.

    The Bible, Koran, and other religous books say the same thing.

    Sweet talk won't get it.

    Women want MEN not chumps and that's why a thug will get a woman (even a good one) quicker than a feminized brutha...regardless as to how "pro black" he is.


    Ethier you're gonna be the man God made you to be or you're gonna continue to play games and suffer.

    God has blessed me in more ways than one so I'm not worried about it.


    Continue playing games if you want...it's your future.
     
  8. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    what, in your mind, is the difference?
    can you give some examples?

    i had gotten the impression that you liked the domineering type.
    can you be more specific as to what you really want?

    terms like "leadership" and "wearing the pants" can be interpreted in a variety of ways.
     
  9. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I understand where women are coming from, but most women send mixed messages. On one hand they want their man to be "a man" and take care of things, when she needs him to. On the other hand, that same woman will kick and scream when he tries to take a lead over her on his own. Women love to claim how independant they are and prove they don't need a man, but then they want that man to know when to take the lead and also know when to give her the independant space that she's so used to. What women need to do is make a list of all the stuff you want your man to take care of, and then you do the rest because men are not mind readers. I'm not saying this is your situation river, but I have met women that say "I've been on my own and I take care of my own business". Then when I ask them to list what they want in a man they say "I need someone that makes more money, has this and has that and is strong". Many men now days don't want a woman depending on them because women change like the weather. One day you guys want it this way, the next day you want it that way. So many men now just say "handle you own business".
     
  10. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    That certainly was not the impression that reflects my thoughts Let me try to clarify myself with some case scenarios.

    Domineering Man: (beating on chest) I'm the boss. You gotta do what I say. Do this woman! Do that!

    River: Oh really????

    Leader: We have a situation. After giving it some thought this is what I want us to do. Do you have any questions or objections?

    Leader #2: We have a situation. Let's put our heads together to see what we can come up with.

    Leader #3: We're not eating any snake apples today. In fact, I want you to leave that serpent alone. Do you understand?

    River: Yes sir.

    Spineless jellyfish: Yes dear. Whatever you say dear

    Spineless Jellyfish #2: (sitting on couch watching tv) I know exactly what my problem is and what I need to do about it. (continues sitting on couch watching tv) Yep, I oughtta do this and I'ma start doing that. Hey River! Whatchu do with the remote?

    Are you understanding me, brotha James? I'd be happy to try to conceptualize it more if you still have questions.
     
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