Should parents be in nursing homes or should the children take on the responsibility

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by Enigma_01, Aug 22, 2003.

  1. Enigma_01

    Enigma_01 Active Member MEMBER

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    When my grandmother was alive she slowly got sick and my mother took on the bulk of the responsibility of her care. There are six children and they all took parent except one. Now my grandfather is having health problems. So do you think it's right to put a parent in a home or try to do it yourself?
     
  2. soul_doctor73

    soul_doctor73 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The answer is as simple as deciding what is more valuable to you: personal time or your grandfather. If life were different and we didn't have to pay for every single thing you weren't born into, the choice would be conceivably simple.

    Since life is not, the choice is a difficult one. Personally, as long as I have a roof over my head and a bed, my elders have them too. I would sleep on the floor before sending them to paid 'care'.

    This is my personal perspective, not a suggestion to you.
     
  3. Enigma_01

    Enigma_01 Active Member MEMBER

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    My grandfather remarried six years ago and his wife just bailed on him because she couldn't handle taking care of him and dealing with his children. I personally think she is a cold -hearted B&$#@!
     
  4. soul_doctor73

    soul_doctor73 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Of course you do. But personal perspectives are often biased.

    As for her, though you may not excuse it, she prefers to consider her values above that of her husband. Such things remain for God to judge. Do you think it coincidence that all this happened to her and you and your family?

    Every person affected by this is tested by this. Each of you with your own perspectives, even her.
     
  5. vj57

    vj57 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Devoted Daughter

    My best friend from high school is an example of a daughter who went above and beyond the call of duty. She is the eldest child and when her mother was seriously ill, she was able to keep her mother for several days at a time and work at come.

    There were 10 children, but my friend insisted that Mom would come and stay with her. This woman loved her mother without question and her mother was always there for her. As a matter of fact, this mother was a "mother" to me. One of the most loving mothers on the face of this earth, God rest her soul.

    She died recently. And her daughter was just heart broken, but rested assured that she took care of her mother until the end.

    We have the same story; me losing my mother also. And now I have an 80 year old dad who is still in his right mind and I wouldn't DARE throw him in a nursing home.

    It's amazing how a mother or father can take care of more than seven kids, but those seven or more kids can't take care of one parent.

    I see how many people have built in-law suites onto their new homes. And it makes me smile to see parents with their children and the grandparents on vacation. Even if the grandparents are in wheelchairs or on oxygen.

    I remember a strong, robust man in my father. Now he is elderly and frail. And I don't like the way some of my siblings treat him. They live closer to him than I do and are always critical of him. Yet he raised them and they never missed a darn meal.

    My friend is still mourning and I know she will never get over this, but she's strong and know that God is pleased with her. Her father is elderly, too and he is in good hands with the other children looking after him.

    I have decided to spend some time at a nursing home (this is a volunteer opportunity at my job) because older people are neglected. My dad is overjoyed to see his grandchildren, especially my kids. My daughter loves him dearly and she is always checking in on him and there is that spark in his eyes when she's around.

    It depends on every situation. One of my friends had to deal with a mother with Alzheimers. Her mother was really bad off, would be abusive to her daughter and the nurses. For a lady in her 90s, she packed a powerful punch. They had to put her in a nursing home, but my friend was at the home EVERY night - I mean every night.

    When her mother had a stroke on a Christmas Day and was in a coma, her and husband brought Mom home. She was offered a job, but told the employer that she needed to be with her mother. She was told that death was imminent in less than two weeks. Her mother died New Years Day 2002. This was a hard ordeal for my friend because she was an only child, but she had a loving and supportive husband and children.

    Her mother left everything to her and my friend has a look of relief on her these days. It was hard to lose her mother, but I told her that she is an example of a loving child who took care of her mother until the end.
     
  6. vj57

    vj57 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I hear you on this. My friend whose mother recently passed was willing to sacrifice her job. Thankfully she was able to work at home and nurse her mother. Her mother was gravely ill and when they were doing surgery, it was discovered that it was too late. She was dying, so they closed her up and told the family to say "goodbye".

    I think many of us agree with your personal perspective. I will not see my dad in some nursing home when you hear horror stories of the abuse going on.
     
  7. MrBlak

    MrBlak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    As long as your parent was a good one that treated you properly, and repsects you, and does not have a serious sickness or disease, one should always see to it their parents are taken care of.

    Not everyone has room in the house so at least set them up with a good dwelling close enuff that you can check on them. Grandparents and kids in the same house causes tension IMO so I would only take them into my home once the kids are grown. Not all need this kind of assistance. My grandparents are on their own still in their 70's (I think).

    If you gotta put the parents in a home, check it out cause I hear tons of horror stories all the time.
     
  8. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think it's cool to take in your parents. Like someone said, make sure they are respectful of your house. Some older people can be really crabby and sour. If I had one of those mean, nasty evil parents they'd be in a home with the quickness. :x: But if they are appreciative then I think it's the thing to do because after all, they are the reason you are here.
     
  9. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    you can do what u can for a parent who fall with illness sometime you can't
    take on the full responsibility so a nice well manner nursing home can be a
    dewelling place but visit daily and see that they are cared for , in most cases
    it really is up to if the children can meet the task of caring for them
    these are the parents who birth u into the world so why not care for them
    if needed no matter what even in a nursing home you can do this as if you was
    at home they need you it how well you love them it gives you the time to
    do for your faimly and your parent as well Both can be a good setting for them
     
  10. MzBlkAngel

    MzBlkAngel Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I took on the bulk of the responsibility of my momma's care. I was there each step as she got sicker i was there...she had became my baby and i took very good care of her. she and my baby had a babysister and the nurses would come in everyday to help me with my mom before i would go to work and things look good... but the last trip to the hosptial they would not release her to me b/c she was way past being ok she needed 24 hour care which i couldnt give with a baby and i had to place my momma in a nursing home it hurted but it was nothing else to do at this point...sadly she didnt make it a full day my momma passed away the day we placed her in the home....
    i say all that to say this since i have went though placing a love one in a home twice.....when the doctor or hosptial say the best thing is for you to place your loved one in a nursing home at times it is best..to this day i believe her doctor knew she wouldnt of made it through the night...

    i can say this my momma and me was closer then ever and we found a new mother and daughter friendship inside the one we had..and for all the years she took care of me i was happy to return all that love i was given growing up.......

    if you take this on its programs that will help you look into it
    call the hosptials talk to the social workers you dont have to do it completely alone it is acgencies that offer help, support and consueling i took care of my momma for 5 years and 3 months before she pass i got help i wish i would of known it sooner must of the cost came out my pocket....and i had family that saw what i was going through but none offered a helpin hand....I DID IT!!! and PROUD OF IT!!!
     
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