Black Relationships : should married men still go to clubs?

[godsschild]

What does anyone think of a married man still going out to clubs all night from Saturday night until Sunday 7:00am once a week despite his wife's objections?

 

[phynxofkemet]

Simply Put

No.

 

[godsschild]

married men still clubbing

The reason I ask is that this is my current situation in my marriage. We have been married about seven years, have two minor children, and his 21 year old son, and he continues to go to clubs once a week from Saturday night until Sunday 7:00am. His reason is to hang out with his friends, two are married and one is not married but in a relationship with his baby's mother, and to just be in the environment. he swears he is not cheating. I do not like the club scene but he has not wanted me to go with him. as I write this I know it sounds obvious what is going on but I still want to believe him. So this is why I present this to my black community, as a sister trying to stay committed to my vows and stick through the marriage but still needs a reality check from anyone willing to respond.
God Bless

 

[Destee]

Sister GodssChild ... Welcome ...

I'm guessing you're a Sister ... maybe even the wife in the scenario you've presented ... ??

What do i think of what you've said ? ... hmmm ... i think that husband is doing what he wants to do, regardless of his wife.

Is it right ... ?? ... well ... "right" is relative, as he obviously feels it's some kinda way "right" for him to do, since he's doing it.

I'm more inclined to think of the wife though, in this situation, and not the husband.

For example, i'm wondering ... is it "right" for the wife to put up with this, if her desires are being ignored by her husband?

Using the same logic now, as above, i'm inclined to believe it's what she wants to do ... put up with being disregarded.

While that is not "right" to me ... nor is his behavior ... but if they choose to live in it, so be it.

I don't know if any of that made sense ... it's kinda late here ... but i do hope it helps.

Thanks for joining us, and please make yourself at home, because you are.



Destee

 

[Destee]

The reason I ask is that this is my current situation in my marriage. We have been married about seven years, have two minor children, and his 21 year old son, and he continues to go to clubs once a week from Saturday night until Sunday 7:00am. His reason is to hang out with his friends, two are married and one is not married but in a relationship with his baby's mother, and to just be in the environment. he swears he is not cheating. I do not like the club scene but he has not wanted me to go with him. as I write this I know it sounds obvious what is going on but I still want to believe him. So this is why I present this to my black community, as a sister trying to stay committed to my vows and stick through the marriage but still needs a reality check from anyone willing to respond.
God Bless

Hey Sister ... 7 years is a long time, babies, you've both invested a lot, and have even more reason to try and work it out. Yeah, it reeks of the obvious, but i surely understand your desire to give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps all the time knowing, that it may be happening, and preparing to brace yourself for that revelation (should it come). You know we usually know they are messing up, long before the evidence is all out in the front yard and stuff.

Not an easy situation to be in. You have a lot at stake.

Maybe try to talk to him seriously, see where the relationship is ... the fact that he's disregarding your wishes (every single week) is not a good sign. I could see him compromising a little, maybe one or two weekends a month, instead of every single one, but you aren't getting even that. He's taking everything he wants, and leaving you worried and hurting. That's not good, even if there is no other woman in the picture.

Maybe work on fixing that part first ... restoring the respect for your wishes.

Giving him what he needs, to be able to easily do that ... though i have no idea what that might be.

Talk to him ... do all you can to maintain the lives you've built together ... so if push does come to shove, you can know you did all you could, to make it work.

Good Luck!



Destee