Black Relationships : Should A Woman Make Her Man's Plate?

Some people think it's a simple, loving, gesture that displays love, intimacy and familiarity. No big deal.

But, some people believe it crosses the line and undermines a woman's dignity--men should fix their own plates. Women are not slaves to jump at their man's beck and call, they would say.

Do you think it makes a difference? Which way do you prefer, and why?

 

If there are things he's doing for you that you aren't doing for yourself, I think it's okay to fix him up sum' to eat. Doesn't make you his slave, but means you've established a system of "give and take" in your relationship.

The men I've dated were sort of accustomed to women making their plates, and I've had no problem with doing so; it was that or watch them pull together some mess not even a homeless man would want to eat.

 

I do most of the cooking. I have no problem fixing my wife a plate if she is watching television. She especially likes when I fix breakfast and brings it to her in bed. I often let her know to come to breakfast.. but I will spoil her sometimes.

I often ask or when she ask I have no problem hooking her up.
Her complaint might be I put to much of something on her plate, so sometimes I think it is better she fix her own.

Sometimes my wife will fix me a plate. That doesn't happen often, lately maybe more than in the past. my complaint is she doesn't put on the plate enough of what I may want. So it is best I fix my own plate.

My wife's cousin always fixes her husband a plate while he sits at the table. She has no problem doing so and takes joy in doing that. ( VERY RELIGIOUS COUPLE ) ( possibly has something to do with her doing so all the time ) I know I knew her longer than I known my wife. He has no problem with how she fixes it. I never see him fix her a plate and we have known each other for over 30 years. They have been married this long too.

My relationship has been independent of some social norms of that many relationships have. No details but they are obvious if you see how separate ( independent, socially and everything ) we are. IT's ALL BASED ON TRUST!

I say this because people Black and White comment on what they see. They say and ask as awkward as it is about our relationship. We respond what you see is what we have. Been married for 32 years.. problems OH yea issues, of course, but that doesn't define the relationship.

I'm sitting down with my wife her cousin and her husband. The men are at the table talking. Foods ready. Her cousin brings her husband a plate and my wife is over there in the pot. She fixes a plate and comes and sits down.
I have asked her to not do that especially when we are with her cousin.
She try's and has done better and we roll with that. At least now before she brings hers over.. she ask me ( would you like me to fix you a plate ) and I will say no or yes and accept what she puts on it.
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If Objectification is part of either of the partners make-up then there is a Humiliation issue and Dignity, Self Esteem and Respect for each other is lost.

 

I agree with this.

I saw a thread in another forum, and I was surprised that so many people felt differently. My kitchen is my sanctuary. I get a little possessive about it. And, when I cook, I want my food to look a certain way on the plate. I have never thought twice about fixing a plate for my man, my son, or a guest. I guess these might be traditions passed down from Mom's.

And, yeah... Whenever he fixes his own plate, he just piles everything on top, I looks disgusting.

 

That's great, because both of you are happy with your arrangement. It would only be a problem if someone felt cheated.

Relationships should be quid pro quo. You are doing something on one hand, and receiving something on the other. It might have nothing to do with dinner, but in effect, it is satisfying to you that you don't feel discounted.

 

whatever works for the couple, is how it should be. there is no rule governing who should, or should not, fix a plate. however, if your man asks you to fix his plate, and you say no because you think it might "undermine your dignity," you have more pressing issues in your relationship, than fixing a plate.

i grew up in a large family; everybody for himself. my mother taught me to do for myself...'til i can't; meaning, if you're sick and cannot do for yourself, someone else will. as long as you can do for yourself, you should be happy to...cause you don't have any maids around here. my first wife, initially, was a stay-at-home mom. so, as soon as i came home from work, my prepared plate was put on the table--they would be waiting for me to arrive so they could eat. otherwise, i fixed my own plate. my second wife's mother fixed my plate more than my second wife. my current wife started off wanting to fix my plate all the time...and she work harder than i do. i finally had to tell her that she can fix my plate if i get sick. now, we've settled into a groove. whoever cooks--yes, i cook--is allowed to fix the plates...if they want to. otherwise, we fix our own plates.

 

I dont see why not if you love the guy.

 

Yes, indeed it is such a simple act that should never be a deal breaker, for sure. I think of it as another small act of love. If it weren't received that way, I probably wouldn't put as much into it. I make sure the plate is colorful, pretty. I know how much of each dish he will probably want. I am proud of what I have cooked and I want to showcase it at it's best. It is probably more important to me, than him.

My Mom was a say at home Mom. Her Mom was. And, I was for 7 years, too.

 

That's what I think. It's an act of love. In turn, if I need a tire change, or the garbage needs to go out, etc., he ain't looking at me.

 

It depends on the aspect of your relationship.

If your man does everything to satisfy you then by all means treat, appreciate and spoil each other...

If you know each others likes and dislikes then it should be no problem.

Do I make my mans plate yes and no. Do I feel obligated, yes if I cook and NO if you working my nerve, foolish move btw!