Black Poetry : She writes better than me

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by SwtT, Dec 17, 2003.

  1. SwtT

    SwtT Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2003
    Messages:
    2,752
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Educational/Human Resources field
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Ratings:
    +28
    She writes better than me
    She's 32 and has a masters degree
    She writes like this:
    Fevorishly I hunger, filled deep with lust, longing wontonly for our next escapade
    but I write like this:
    You leave me guessin, heart and nose open like a window shade

    She writes better than me
    So what that shes stronger in faith than me
    By the way..Im 18 and still I'm growing
    Getting wiser learning more and knowing
    I can be anything and what I wanna be
    At 26 I can get my own [email protected] degree

    She writes like this:
    [/I]Yearning with the abandonment of all pride for that next mental stroke….you know the one….
    THE ONE that will bring me into total submission…
    and I..write like this:
    Your intensity swells me with passion of your touch
    Kissing you brings an adrilienene rush

    Hey, maybe a little better
    But shes more experienced and I'm a little wetter....
    Behind the ears and I get I gotta open further my mind
    and leave some of these...elementry words behind
     
  2. PositiveMindset

    PositiveMindset Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2002
    Messages:
    1,601
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    Rocky Mountains, High
    Ratings:
    +14
    It truly doesn't matter how many words U use 2 get your point across.

    It's better 2 be heard & understood than heard & lost in the less knowledged minds of some readers.

    But if U want a larger vocab, study the dictionary & use the words in sentences.

    I don't think it will make U any tighter than U already are, but it's a nice practice.

    Very nice piece.
     
  3. MzBlkAngel

    MzBlkAngel Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2003
    Messages:
    12,660
    Likes Received:
    191
    Location:
    somewhere ova da rainbow....
    Ratings:
    +219
    nice write but i have to agree with Brother Mindset....
    you are wonderful the way you are love ya scribes baby girl
    and if you make this change do it for yourself
    not anyone else...you have to be comfortable wit it first....
    now do yo thang and flow.......Angel
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    u pose a essence of ya own i also agree with above
    flow on
     
  5. 1poetsought

    1poetsought Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2003
    Messages:
    6,642
    Likes Received:
    541
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Poet
    Location:
    The Lone-Star State
    Ratings:
    +606
    This was dope!
     
  6. BaduX

    BaduX Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2003
    Messages:
    420
    Likes Received:
    0
    Occupation:
    student
    Location:
    On the right hand of GOD
    Ratings:
    +0
    it doesn't matter the words u use
    but how u use them and YOUR feelins behind
    them.. ur stuff could be the world to some
    which opposed to someone using them
    big @ss fansy words.. when half the time
    they don't kno what it mean...
    i really enjoyd ur flo...flo on...
    GOD BLESS :wave:
     
  7. gempis

    gempis Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 5, 2003
    Messages:
    4,020
    Likes Received:
    32
    Occupation:
    strength coach
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Ratings:
    +32
    SwtT, you are truly precious. I freakin love this flow - it made me smile. You will grow your own way and sound your own way as you move through the years. You already write with so much poise and wisdom for your age that I am excited to think of the heights you will reach. Just enjoy every day right here and right now - you won't want to vault ahead, trust me. ;)
     
  8. Bluewater

    Bluewater Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2003
    Messages:
    6,008
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Praising The Lord
    Location:
    Baltimore, MD
    Ratings:
    +44
    ah my sister
    i like this drop
    you are you
    and your style
    is yours
    i smile as i read your flow :)
    this is cute
    loving how you
    scribe this
    Peace
     
  9. angelicsage

    angelicsage Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 30, 2003
    Messages:
    5,322
    Likes Received:
    38
    Location:
    ~The hidden library...~
    Ratings:
    +39
    Oh...SwtT...this was so great! you put a smile on my face.

    I absolutely love this piece...for a minute I thought you were talking about me... :laugh:
    but I'm not 32...I love this so much, I've never read anything from this perspective
    this is what makes writing so interesting..."The Diversity". Believe me, poetry would
    be quite boring and lack growth if everyone wrote like that...

    But you best believe...when you meet the right brother...lines like
    His entrance paled the wind at its softest breeze…
    He spoke and instantly we lifted…
    Spreading dreams beneath us as satin sheets
    Engaged in meaningful dialogue, handcuffed by passionate syllables

    Ebony tones, alluring homophones, dangling-burning vowels
    His words, his flow, his mannerism, his mental plateau
    I was there, captivated, lost, sinking, falling into the “he”
    And he was falling helplessly for the “we”
    And we were…


    will flow from you like honey...you won't even know how you came up with it...
    (I speak from experience... :wink: )

    Your writing is excellent the way it is...it's a reflection of your soul
    it's your voice...you know maturity has nothing to do with chronological age...
    someone once told me...
    "It's not always important to be "Deep", sometimes you just need to be heard"...isn't the point to "communicate"


    But I know you know this...because we all love your writing!...I know I do!
     
  10. SwtT

    SwtT Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2003
    Messages:
    2,752
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Educational/Human Resources field
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Ratings:
    +28
    Wow thanks Fam!!!!! I never thought Id get this kind of turnout!!!!:):):)

    I haven' written in a while so I am very glad you all njoyed it!!!:D

    Positive- Tahnk you for those words:) I will keep them in:heart: here

    msblk-thanks girl I will try to do my thing like you do yous:)

    RICH-Thank you:heart: you angel of flyte:heart:

    1poet-Im so glad you enjoyed it:)

    BaduX-Aww thanks now I feel so much better:lol:

    gempis-:grouphug: girl I missed ya replies!!! you always uplift me:)
    If it was up to me , id never have a writers block and sit at a table and write just to hear your uplifting replies. Its cool to think that Im growing in my poetry with you at my side always smiling:heart: ya!!

    Blue-Thanks so much:):):)

    Angelic- I think of you as my goal:grouphug: if I made you happy about sumthing or made you think, I know I did myjob right. I know my poem is tight. :) BTW, that flow up there was tyte..got me ta thinking:D Thanks so much sage, always a pleasure to hear from you:heart:
     
Loading...