Black Short Stories : She/Them-I/Us

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by deepy, Oct 24, 2004.

  1. deepy

    deepy going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    She saw him...he could have been 60 or 70, it was hard to tell. She had spotted him when she first came, he standing on the corner, a doorman's hat on his head..long coat with his hands in in his pockets, 5'8" or 5'9", small...bending over because one shoulder was slightly higher than the other...looked like from years of carrying something. He was still..now. She was blocked from walking past him by the barriers of the wet new cemented street. Å couple came by, one daring the streets wetness, imprinting himself in this city..the other walking the edge, laughing and joy at the daring. She smiled at them and then saw the car at the far end of the street.
    She hadn't seen it pull up, or stop..but all of a sudden it was there and two men got out...one short like the man at the corner, except much younger..a furred hat tilted to the side..down hiding part of his face...dark, mustached lean/hungry looking...standing/no leaning on the side of the car. It was the other man that really caught her eye though. He talked with the furred hat and then began moving in her direction and that of the old man.
    His walk made her believe he was from Brooklyn..so quietly and cool..almost shadow..but with a strength and touch of earth that made one know he was/is. His clothes; cool brown leather coat, green check jacket, brown shirt, soft quiet green pants(almost army green but with the richness of earth). He could be 30 or 40. He reminded her of Matt without the weight..or Matt as he could have looked if the street had not taken him. He probably had a baby face, for now it appeared he shaved very seldom. His hair natural, but she could seee the look of him with his "doo"..for the hair had touoches of the redness that comes from the chemicals. He was brown in color and healthy in size..weight,she thought, like a man feeling good on top of a woman..He moved slowly..like a weight was moving him.
    Looking at him moved her to memories of broklyn and the men/boys she grew up with making her smil......but then energies of the two of them kept pulling at her, kept pulling...she did not hear at first..only sensed conflict, tension...she didn't see their first contact and yet pulled into two:
    "why you do it"..."i didn't"..."don't, haven't i told you before that if you were caught on the job"..."I wasn't"..."Why u do it".."I didn't".."don't lie"..."I ain't".."told you before that if you"..."i wasn't".."CAught drinking on the job,".. "I wasn't drinking on the job, did you see me drinking on the job"..."why you do it".."I wasn't"..."the man said he saw you drinking".."the man didn't see me drinking on no job"..."you drunk"..."I aint drunk".."you been drinking"..."I aint been drinking on no job".."why you do it"..."I aint drinking on the job"..."You gonna tell me the man didn't see you drinking"..."the man aint seen me drinking on the job"...
    Pulled in, caught in two men...young/oldsearchingfather/son..fighting, needing, wanting.."and the man saw you drinking"..."the man aint seen me drinking on no job".."the man come to me and tell me".."the man aint seen me drinking on the job".."the man".."I'm up here and i ain't let nobody walk on the sidewalk".."you drunk".."I aint drunk"...
    You drunk I aint drunnk..like a sing song rhythm that only needed the sounds of there heartbeats exploding to hear the other tempo, the internal drunk/drink/aint/is/is/aint/drinking/drunk..."I ain't let nobody touch the cement"..."I told you before not to drink"...""i aint drinking on the job"..."the man"..."the man ainat seen me drinkin on no job".."the man said"..."man aint, he could have seen me before i came to work, but I ain't drinking on no job"...
    Pulled..the old man stepping off the boat, eyes intent looking at the younger eyes..the old man darting, nearvous, yet direct cause he aint been drinking on the job.."Listen, this aint the first or second time, why you do this"..."I aint done nothing, i aint been drinking on the job, I'm taking care of the block".."you drunk".."I ain't drun"..
    Eyes look at me...the cool one notices me noticing him noticing them , i turn the other way - the furred hat is still leaning against the car. But, energies kept pulling me back to young and old, love and hate, fear and need, energy kept pulling me and.. "Hey, can't you see this street is wet, get off...See you aint"..."i was, if you werent' here arguing with me..they never come that close"..."you drunk"..."i ain't..
    She knowing...they both knowing...and it came as the cool brother's body moved away and the old man moved toward him...Backs, both slightly rounded , one pleading screaming quietly the other weighted..both saying don't,must,ain't,must,didn't,must...and it came..."GO HOME, go home"..."I aint"..the cap pressed firmly on his head.."go home",,,,"I aint, wasn't drunk aint drinking on the job"..."no sense talking anymore, go home"...Suddenly
    the young eyes were looking at me again even as the mouth was saying go home.
    WE saw each other because i could not move away from the energies of the two, could not pretend they didn't exist, could not keep my mind/heart from exploding, feeling for both of them....."go home"..."why"..."just go home"..."why"..."go home"..."when am i coming back"..."go home".."should i come in tomorrow"..."go home"...."what am i going to do..i won't drink no more"..."go home"..."what am I oing ta do"...as they neared the car.
    I could not heaarany words.. I turned away and thought of the old man and how it could be his last job for he was losing this one. I wondered if he went home now, what would he find....a wife in bed with another man, a wife not there..since fate had come into play and sent time off its track and then I thought,.,Hey don't even wish that on him cause.. "Excuse me" and starring inb my face was the furred hat..
    shorter than eyes, darker than I...his eyes like a camera snapping my picture...imprinting me in his brain. Shivers ran up down me..Had I intruded into someting more than i saw? "Do you know what time it is", he asked.."no i don't". He and I knowing he just came to see what i looked like.
    Fear entered me and my mind began playing tricks with me...was there more, was it just about looking after a wet cement street, was their rackets, murder, gangland type mystery. ..Slowly...
    A young man came walking up the block, no more than 21 or 22- a leather coat with fur trim of white and black..bold unlike the Brooklyn brother. He had a paper bag under his arm. He stops where the old man had been and brooklyn brother walks up to him and points up and down the block-their voices low. The young boy takes a cap out of the paper bag and puts it on like the old man had.
    The brooklyn brother never looked at me again. He moved to the car and the furred hat was looking my way, I turned away from him and saw the young man looking at me for a moment and then he turned away..I heard the old man yelling "will you call me, will I be back tomorrow"..but no reply came.
    \The car drove off. The young man looked up and down...pulled out a cigarette, lit it...Åah sweet smell of cannabis...I turned and went inside.
    Did i see, did I hear...love, hate, fear and need
    Drunk/aint..drink/drun...aint is//
    life is yes/no..can/can't...will won't
    old/young
    generations moving on..




    (c) ncn-deepy
     
  2. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I don't usually stop inside the short story forum, but when I saw that it was you that penned something, I decided to take a peek. Now, this seemed like a scene out of a movie. I could almost picture the men arguing, and the bystander, so intrigued she could not move. Your text was so laden with description I wanted to read more. I was taken in by this.
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    u know i was all in it and want more pt.2 please
    i love the story here .
     
  4. deepy

    deepy going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    watz & rich...
    you keep me here..
    keep me believing in the power of
    giving & receiving
    you two keep me here
    Destee...
    sharing...
    how deep
    my love is
    for both of
    you..

    thanks..actually i am trying to write a screenplay watz...i know I need a collaborator and am hunting...got the ideas (which i know are on point, but the work to write it...well I am looking.) and rich i will have to think about a part two...thanks again you two...
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    likewise sista and most welcome
     
  6. deepy

    deepy going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    rich.....ta
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    can i get a pt.II to dis here if u will !
     
  8. deepy

    deepy going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    hey rich....the last couple of weeks deep deep emotions flowing..
    give me a minute and i will.. right now..just responding to what i've received and reading some of what i've missed..hopefully to take me out of or bring me closer to self.
    luv u...
     
  9. OmoObatala

    OmoObatala Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    use of language

    I love to write and I love to read and reading this story I placed myself in the place of the woman staring at the other people on the street, and I kind of drifter as I read aloud this sotry , where were the other people going where were they stopping, then I thought wow you as a writer did a wonderful job because, I filled in the blank I gave my own added detail to the characters, and I embodied each one...I esp like the young man looking at the woman and not getting caught by the fur hat as the old man was driven away asking " will you call me tomorrow".....

    Exceptional!I love to write and I love to read and reading this story I placed myself in the place of the woman staring at the other people on the street, and I kind of drifter as I read aloud this sotry , where were the other people going where were they stopping, then I thought wow you as a writer did a wonderful job because, I filled in the blank I gave my own added detail to the characters, and I embodied each one...I esp like the young man looking at the woman and not getting caught by the fur hat as the old man was driven away asking " will you call me tomorrow".....

    Exceptional!
     
  10. deepy

    deepy going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    thank you exodus.....i keep working on this formj...so encouragment only helps me continue trying...i sure appreciate your words....