Black Relationships : She Say He Say - Fundamental Communication Differences Between Men & Women


Well-Known Member
Mar 13, 2010
STL Missouri
As my son is exploring this world of dating and opposite-sex relationships, he often talks to me and ask about the female response system, and how that is different from the male response system (ofcourse he doesn't say it like that, that's my paraphrasing of it). I knew there was fundamental differences in the communication styles of men and women, but I wasn't able to articulate them or decipher the dynamics until I he talked to me and then I was able to articulate it.

Oh my goodness, this would help SO MANY relationships if we understand these communication differences. I want to give a few from my experience. Feel free to share yours.

Woman - 'Lose my number and don't call me' or 'don't call me.'

If she is already your girlfriend and says this in anger, it means give her time to call off and then call back and ask if she is OK and how she is feeling. If you give a woman about 3 days and don't call or contact you, she will eventually contact you and ask why you didn't call. This confuses guys because they are like 'you said don't call you' but that doesn't mean don't call her ever.

Woman - 'Just Get Out'

If if it is not preceded by 'pack your things' then it essentially means the same as above - give her some time and come back and ask how how she is feeling. It means 'listen to me, understand me, and allow me time to air my issues without you making snap judgments.'

Woman - 'Do I look fat in this?'

Best answer: Get up, put your arms around her waist from the back, give her a kiss on her neck and say 'Sweetheart, you look beautiful.'
When women ask this question, they want assurance that you still love them and find them attractive still.

And angry woman - the worse response

The worse response to an angry woman is to walk out and leave her. Most angry women want to TALK about their feelings and why they are angry; but men typically run when women appear angry and leave and go for a walk or a drink and then come back hoping everything has calmed down. They often don't want to say anything about the angry incident and hope it now in the past and they pick up somewhere lighter and warmer.

News to men - it's not in the past. It's not over. It's not over and it's not in the past because it was not discussed and issues just don't disappear because you are not talking about them. The better response would be 'sweetheart, you're angry. I'm going for a walk and I'll be back in 20 minutes. When I come back, we can talk what's bothering you OK?'

Will have more later.
Oh man, I really can't stand the "I'm saying one thing but mean another" response some women give. It gives some men this idea we don't know what we want and that when we say "no", it might actually mean "yes".

Just say what's meant, so there's no confusion. Mind games aren't really cute.

I understand being angry, but don't get even angrier when he acts upon what came out of your mouth and not what was in your head.

If I say "don't call", I'm going to mean it, and not wonder why he didn't call when I call him back, but likely just tell him I've gotten over whatever issue.

I do understand, however, the whole "I'll just leave and come back hoping everything has died down" frustration women can have. But sometimes, it really is best to let it go and just move on. Every single thing doesn't really require a full on, drawn out discussion, and I can appreciate that in men, when they give that space so that things aren't blown out of proportion. Sometimes, they're just trying to save us more pain from unnecessary words, I believe. And sometimes, they're just trying to get in the clear. :lol:

'sweetheart, you're angry. I'm going for a walk and I'll be back in 20 minutes. When I come back, we can talk what's bothering you OK?'

Yeah, the only men I've heard even come close to saying something like this to their women were married men. Otherwise, it's more like "When I come back, I'mma take a nap, just in case you're still angry." :lol:


Support, the oldest, most respectful, online black community in the world - PayPal or CashApp

Latest profile posts

HODEE wrote on $$RICH$$'s profile.
$$RUCH. SO COOL.VBRO. WHAT MY bornday. Again. Destee. June. U didn't call. Phone me. I'm loosingbit. In my dopamine euphoria. None stop. I send my new pic. Noylt. Me. That guy. Wears 1x. I wear.b3x. Ok love Destee Fam. Errors I don't care ok. Love
Destee wrote on MANASIAC's profile.
I saw you ... :yaay: ... Welcome Home! ... :flowers: