Poetry Critiques : Sexy Jamaican first (old) poem The Gift

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by S-Jam, Aug 23, 2005.

  1. S-Jam

    S-Jam New Member MEMBER

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    The Gift

    All the gifts that I got so far

    There`s only one gift that I want from God

    It is the only gift that He can give

    The only thing is that I have to give up one rib

    God made this gift so well

    The gift I`m talking about is a female

    The gift is so wonderful, her eyes unique

    Her breast, her feet

    Those pretty brown eyes looking at me

    Is this how my gift supposed to be

    She look like an cute innocent bunny

    I can`t wait to come over to her and taste her like honey

    I want to caress her body suck on her breast

    After that I want to....well you know the rest

    She is a great to all the males

    This is the end of my poem so I bid you fairwell
     
  2. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    yeah Jam, we do know the rest :lol: do enjoy your rib
    thanks for sharing this
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    welcome to destee.com honest critique workshop
    welcome to the family of peace & respect
    welcome within as kin and sharing love

    this was very nice and surely the rest is known
    the Gift is one's great treasure.....nice work
     
  4. Poetrymama

    Poetrymama Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    re:Gift

    Very nice poem. I don't eat Pork or ribs but You ENJOY.
     
  5. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Tight poem!
     
  6. Prizefighter16

    Prizefighter16 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    :cool: another yardie in the midst ....blesss


    The poem had a nice vibe to it...loved the first couple lines the most

    keep the flow goin
    and welcome to destee...

    word from Mz.Soull aka prizefighter :cool:
     
  7. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    what's up s-jam...
    this poem was cute...and if that was your desired impression i would say that you have accomplished your goal...i don't know if you want your female to be good to ALL the males though ;)...i challenge you to drop a poem of more depth and substance next time around...cute can only get you so far now days...

    one love
    khasm
     
  8. BlakDestiny

    BlakDestiny Member MEMBER

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    Another Yaadie...hail up.

    I agree with Khasm13. Although I am just testing the waters myself, I found myself wanting to turn the page on your piece. Good work, but more depth would have had me hooked fo real. Keep on keeping on star!!! Nuff Luv.
     
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