Black People : Sexual Satisfaction Ebbs for 45 and Up

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by Kemetstry, May 7, 2010.

  1. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Sexual satisfaction ebbs for those 45 and older
    Survey suggests financial stress a big part of dissatisfaction

    By David Crary
    AP National Writer

    updated 8:27 a.m. ET, Fri., May 7, 2010
    NEW YORK - Americans 45 and older are far more open to sex outside of marriage than they were 10 years ago, but they're engaging in sex less often and with less satisfaction, according to a major new survey.

    What's the problem?

    Financial stress is a prime culprit, said sociologist Pepper Schwartz, the sex and relationship expert for the American Association of Retired People, which conducted the study.

    "The economy has had an impact on these people," she said. "They're more liberal in their attitudes, yet they're having sex less often. The only thing I see that's changed in a negative direction is financial worries."

    The survey, being released Friday, is based on detailed questionnaires completed last year by 1,670 people 45 and over. The AARP, which represents 40 million Americans over 50, conducted similar surveys on sexual attitudes and practices in 1999 and 2004.

    One of the most pronounced changes over the 10-year span dealt with sex outside of marriage. In the 1999 survey, 41 percent of the respondents said nonmarital sex was wrong. That figure dropped to 22 percent in the new survey.

    Yet sexual activity — marital or not — seems to be less frequent overall for this age group. In the new survey, 28 percent said they had intercourse at least once a week, and 40 percent at least once a month — both categories were down roughly 10 percentage points from 2004.

    Asked if they were satisfied with their sex lives, 43 percent in the new survey said yes, down from 51 percent in 2004.

    One intriguing finding: Respondents who had a partner but weren't married had sex more frequently and with more satisfaction than respondents who were married.




    "These long-term married couples may get a little less interested," Schwartz said. "Older people in nonmarried relations work harder at it and enjoy it more."

    Schwartz, a professor at the University of Washington and author of 16 books on relationships, said it was notable how even respondents in their 70s and 80s stressed that sex was important to their quality of life.

    "The big difference as people age is not that sex becomes less important but that a partner becomes less accessible," she said.

    Gender differences were pronounced in several responses. Men think about sex and engage it more often than women, and are about twice as likely as women (21 percent versus 11 percent) to admit to sexual activity outside their primary relationship.

    With many older men likely to have multiple partners, Schwartz expressed concern that only 12 percent of the survey's sexually active single males reported using condoms. She cautioned that even the elderly should not ignore the risk of sexually transmitted disease.

    According to the survey, men are more than five times as likely as women to say they think of sex at least once a day, and nearly three times as likely to say they engage in self-stimulation at least once a week.

    Dr. Stacy Tessler Lindau, a professor of medicine at the University of Chicago who has studied seniors' relationships, said her research — not connected to the AARP — suggests that men are increasingly more satisfied with their sex lives, compared to women.

    One possible reason, she said, was the surge in use of erectile-dysfunction drugs by men. Comparable drugs to enhance older women's sex lives have not yet emerged on a broad scale.

    According to the AARP survey, 10 percent of the male respondents took medication to improve sexual functioning, and 23 percent reported being diagnosed for erectile dysfunction or impotence.

    The survey asked respondents what would improve their sexual satisfaction. Twenty percent of the women and 37 percent of the men said better health; 14 percent of the women and 26 percent of the men said better personal finances.

    One heartening development, Schwartz said, was that more older singles are venturing onto online dating services.

    Epitomizing that trend are Tony Cost, 74, and his wife, Rosemary, 68, of Cherry Hill, N.J., who met in 2007 through the online dating service eHarmony and married in May 2008.

    Tony Cost said he had been a widower for about three years before trying eHarmony.

    "It was just a point in my life where I decided I wanted to do more than just sit. I wanted to look for someone to share the rest of my life with," he said.

    The couple said they exchanged 55 e-mails before their first face-to-face meeting, a dinner at a restaurant that went on for five hours as they chatted.

    "It was like we'd known each other forever," said Rosemary, who'd been divorced about 10 years before trying the online dating.
    Speaking of his generation as a whole, Tony Cost said there's more interest among divorced and widowed singles in finding new partners.
    "We're living longer, we want to enjoy life," he said. "There are a number of incentives to take that first step and reach out."
    The AARP survey was administered in both English and Spanish, and included 630 Hispanic respondents — a bigger share than in the general population in order to provide data for a separate upcoming report.
    The Hispanic respondents reported a higher-than-average level of health concerns, but the survey found, "Hispanics are more sexually active and satisfied than the general population."





    :em0200:
     
  2. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    yo......

    tell me about it...:SuN026:
     
  3. OldSoul

    OldSoul Permanent Black Man PREMIUM MEMBER

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  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    So true it's killin us quickly and fast .............
     
  5. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    :fyi:


    Isnt that what those little blue pills are for???

    :toast:














    :em0200:



     
  6. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    :10500: they do not make the women look any better nor sound more intelligent......
     
  7. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Kemetstry ... you can't post entire articles, like you'e done above.

    You have to post only a few sentences from the article, and a link to where we can read it in its entirety.

    This is Rule # 2. I don't know if you've ever seen it, read it, or been warned about it before, but I know you are now.

    If you have any questions, let me know.

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  8. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Wooo! What a relief!

    I thought this title said 'SEX EBBS AT 45 AND UP!'

    I was :SuN013::qqb012::qqb024::SuN048::qqb008::qqb021: NOOOOOOO!!!

    But it's all good. I reread it and noticed something about 'satisfaction' and then I understood.


    Can't speak on the rest of it, but this part is understandable and not that surprising. But this is slightly contrary to the fact that married people are suppose to be happier (or was it just healthier?) overall than un-married couples.

    Internet dating ain't that bad, I dipped my toes into the water of that. It has its advantages and disadvantages. One of the disadvantages is that it's still predominately the domain of white folks, so you'll find PLENTY of white folks there. If you're into IR dating, you'll find more than your fair share of white people to choose from. But don't be totally fooled, most of those whites are still looking for a white partner too. If you are black, over 40, and want a black partner - it might be just that harder to find one at an online dating service. You likely have a better chance at meeting a brotha or sista at the bus stop - no lie. Or well... that were I met a lot of 'em anyway.

    If you into Asians, Latinos and that - well they were looking for white folks. Not to many on there looking to date their own group or black folks.

    The sites I dipped into were free sites, but from the information some people gave, the paying sites had the same people as the non-paying sites. However, I did note that free sites have a lot more young people (those under 30) than the paying sites. I think the young folks are using the free sites for fun and games and that... while the paying sites might maintain the more mature (as in age, not character) crowd. But you never know - might work for whomever who wants to try that regardless of if a non-paying site or paying site.
     
  9. Ankhur

    Ankhur Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It seems ironic, if not bluntly honest for the survey not to mention Us or make any diferentiations

    1. Richar Pryor used to make the joke of being so poor they used to have sex just to forget about food, and who has more frequent sex then poor Black folks?

    Black folks over 45, in fact many many many brothers and sisters, state that Black women meet their peak from between 35 to 45, therefore after 45 would be a return to normal frequency.

    Black folks I have known, do not reach that, slack off period until well after 65, usually in the mid 70s.

    2 In regards to the need for various drugs to promote erection, it seems to be a trend that has occured at a particular time, like all of a sudden, and as iof a poison was introduced into the public, so that money could be made from a cure.
    All of a sudden men needed Yohimbe in the mid 90s, when in the 90s and 80s everything was fine and natural, what happened?

    In 15 years of working civil service it was the young men after 2000-2007, who were asking me about what to take to get right, and I had found that many did not eat a solid breakfast, eat, fruits regularly, ate fried food daily, rarely if ever ate raw foods like salads , and only a few vegatables during the week.
     
  10. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Seems as if you made the same mistake I did. It wasn't about sexual frequency, but sexual satisfaction. You can have a lotta sex but all sex ain't satisfyin sex.

    I think plenty of people, men and women, can say either they had a lot of sex in their youth but the quality of sex may have been less then than when they got older. When they got older, the quality of sex increased but the frequency might have decreased for whatever reason (according to the article posted, it look like erectile dysfunctions may have caused some of that).

    Poor sex when you are hungry ain't satisfyin sex. It gets you off and gets your mind off being hungry and poor... but so will a gunshot wound or getting stabbed (maybe that's why there is more crime when you are poor). It's about diverting your attention away from the pressing matters that abound. When people are poor, we can't take a trip on a yacht and relax in the Poconos and call our psychiatrist for an appointment on Tuesday. You make do with what you got, and what we got are penises and vaginas, hands, and other body parts. Sex is the psychiatrist and wherever you do it at becomes the yacht where you can relax for a minute or so. Maybe that's why poor people have more babies - if you can understand that those last 2 sentences. That one reason sex can become a drug for some folks.

    And white folks think poor black folks have sex like jackrabbits just because we are black. I'd venture to say poor white folks have a lotta sex too. As a matter of fact, they KNOW they do.

    As for a more relaxed attitudes about sex outside of marriage, well I think folks are beginning to realize that that you can have satisfying relations and sex without marriage, and also many people might be afraid of marriage - including the older folks. Instead of changing the vows to fit them, they still do the traditional vows and not too many people can stay in their traditional marriages until old age and death anymore. Plus times are changing, and maybe older folks realize that this is the not the age of shotgun marriages anymore and a marriage is not required to live happily ever after.

    I am going to agree with this. People want the quick fix instead of doing whatever they need to do to be healthy over the long run. I think there is a difference in erections of men in their 40's versus men in their 20's (based on my limited experience) but it's nothing significant. Seems like you're more prone to stress-related dysfunction in an older age group than younger one - probably because of more bills and more finances than one would have had in their teens or 20's. I think this is also true for women.

    Seems like when a woman hits that 'peak' in her 30's or 40's, quality of sex goes up - but you get more discerning about partners so the number you actually want to have sex with decreases, and when you find one you want to have sex with well there are other inhibiting factors like relationship problems and finances.
     
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