- Feb 28, 2009
ESPN will hit the newsstands tomorrow with a bold cover of Serena Williams in her black, almost nude glory.
If the public cussing she gave the tennis linesman last month wasn’t enough, the cover should pretty well get Williams a meeting with her local Elders. Not a good month for the JWs
The foul language and temper are one thing. Nudity is a big no-no for JWs who are pretty priggish about sex, their bodies and most of life’s more real elements.
I can’t remember the scripture but I’m sure the good elders, after they savor their own personal copies of ESPN will want to hold star chamber sessions with Williams.
JWs follow a fundamentalist stance that sex is for marriage and the only legal sex is the missionary position, if anyone knows what that is.
Williams has favored showing a little butt and lots of leg on the tennis court. This is a new statement for her and a challenge for the JWs.
I’m sure the good elders have their first thoughts on keeping the congregation clean. However, they do love to discuss the sex lives of the flock on a regular basis and in person.
JW priggishness and censorship pretty well means no movies, no TV, no books etc. that might contain sinful thoughts although the reality is somewhat less strict.
In Halifax the Wall family used to dominate the top JW jobs. Levi Wall was the district elder, like the Bishop of all Atlantic Canada without the robes. The guy used to terrorize me for hair cuts when I was a teenager as in walk up and tell me to “Get a hair cut” or mention me from the pulpit. The rule was – no hair can touch the top of your ears. JWs have capricious rules like that for everything.
Back in the 1975 when Shampoo was in the theaters, I slipped out one Sunday evening to catch the early show. Pretty tame stuff, almost boring with Warren Beatty parading around as a philandering hair stylist. It was like the Letterman show backstage only Beatty is handsome.
Leaving the secretive dark world of the movie theater, I passed the line-up for the next show. There was the grandson of old “fire and brimstone” Levi Wall waiting nervously in line. Through the divine right of lay preachers, the 20-something was already an elder in Dartmouth and a terror in his own right.
“You’ll love the scene where he gets Julie Christie and Goldie Hawn in the same day,” I said as I walked by him. “Enjoy.”
I sailed out the door of the theatre thinking – he must be doing research for the next meeting of the elders with a young couple who let their fingers do the walking.
Yeah, the elders will be waiting for Serena if she shows. Maybe they’ll ask for proof her head wasn’t Photoshopped in the ESPN cover.
“you can take Serena out of Compton but u cant take the Compton out of Serena. She showed her *** ON the court, now she’s showing her *** OFF the court…LITERALLY! Is this sum kinda peace offering 4 da fans 4 threat’n the line judge? Wuts next, Playboy? Video HOE’n? Tiger hit the BILLION DOLLA mark & ain’t even take a dayum shirt off. U got talent, money, fame/fortune…WTF? Common aint givin yo *** NO ATTENTION?! Shout-out to Kindom Hall. Come & get your Jehovah’s Witness cause she’s ova here backsliding…BUTTNAKED!” Average.bro.com