Black Parenting : Seeking advice from my elders

AfroArab

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Nov 3, 2015
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I have 2 beautiful daughter's who are the age 3 & 5. I love them with all my heart and they know it. Me and their mother have been separated for some time now an I recently was told by her she is pregnant by another man. She currently lives with her grandmother who is on section 8. They stay in a tiny bedroom that she never cleans. I don't really care about her being pregnant but she won't let me take care of my girls and put them in the proper home they need unless I allow her to move in with us. I told her I find it disrespectful to have her living with me while carrying another man's child an even more disrespectful to our daughters since she can't afford to take care of them financially now. She hasn't decided to keep the unborn child yet or get an abortion. This dude is a creep and has a child already he doesn't care for. I just want to raise my princesses into queens but she won't let me if it doesn't involve her in the picture. I offered to get married and put her through college if she got herself together but she always finds an excuse.

What is the purpose behind her actions and what should I do?
 

jamesfrmphilly

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I have 2 beautiful daughter's who are the age 3 & 5. I love them with all my heart and they know it. Me and their mother have been separated for some time now an I recently was told by her she is pregnant by another man. She currently lives with her grandmother who is on section 8. They stay in a tiny bedroom that she never cleans. I don't really care about her being pregnant but she won't let me take care of my girls and put them in the proper home they need unless I allow her to move in with us. I told her I find it disrespectful to have her living with me while carrying another man's child an even more disrespectful to our daughters since she can't afford to take care of them financially now. She hasn't decided to keep the unborn child yet or get an abortion. This dude is a creep and has a child already he doesn't care for. I just want to raise my princesses into queens but she won't let me if it doesn't involve her in the picture. I offered to get married and put her through college if she got herself together but she always finds an excuse.

What is the purpose behind her actions and what should I do?
find a good counselor or therapist.......
 

Clyde C Coger Jr

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I have 2 beautiful daughter's who are the age 3 & 5. I love them with all my heart and they know it. Me and their mother have been separated for some time now an I recently was told by her she is pregnant by another man. She currently lives with her grandmother who is on section 8. They stay in a tiny bedroom that she never cleans. I don't really care about her being pregnant but she won't let me take care of my girls and put them in the proper home they need unless I allow her to move in with us. I told her I find it disrespectful to have her living with me while carrying another man's child an even more disrespectful to our daughters since she can't afford to take care of them financially now. She hasn't decided to keep the unborn child yet or get an abortion. This dude is a creep and has a child already he doesn't care for. I just want to raise my princesses into queens but she won't let me if it doesn't involve her in the picture. I offered to get married and put her through college if she got herself together but she always finds an excuse.

What is the purpose behind her actions and what should I do?

Welcome to Destee.com, AfroArab ... Based on what I read, you only need to decide whether or not your family comes together under one roof.


"I don't really care about her being pregnant but she won't let me take care of my girls and put them in the proper home they need unless I allow her to move in with us."


Especially if you don't have a problem with her being pregnant. Surely, the baby's daddy will not be living there with your family.


...
 

Hermetic

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May 30, 2015
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Considering the fact that I do not know your circumstances and the story being told is one-sided, I can only state what I would do based on your statements.

I would gather my resources and do the following things:

I. Hire a child psychologist and sociologist to help determine how well my daughters are doing in their present environment.

A. If it is determined that they are fine, I would make sure their mother has the resources to raise them in home of their own with enough space for all of the children. I would also make sure that I had visitation rights and used those rights liberally so that I could keep in contact with my children.
B. If it is determined that they are doing poorly, the two experts would give me the documentation needed to move on to the next stage.

II. Hire an effective family lawyer and take the mother to court for full custody of my daughters.

What I stated above requires a decent amount of financial resources to pull off. If I did not have the resources to accomplish stage I and II, I would proceed with part A at the best of my ability until I gathered the resources I needed. I would not allow the mother to come live with me, based on the information you have given.
 

baller

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it's hard to give advice--proper advice--when we don't know how stable your situation is, or how hard you're willing to fight for your children. my suggestion would be...fight for them in court. we never want the system to tell us what we can and cannot do concerning our kids, but sometimes that's what it comes down to. if you know they're not being cared for, in the way you want them to be, isn't it in their best interest to be somewhere they can get what they deserve; with you. that's not going to happen if you don't make it happen.

or, you can allow her to control you through your children.

of course, there is that question: what if you lose?

there is that.
 
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