Black Relationships : - SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT YOUR EX

[MsInterpret]

Which one? LOL

 

[Kemetstry]

Which one? LOL

Which ever ones you can say something nice about

 

[MsInterpret]

lawd!

Alfred - Good looking

Davell - great smile

Andre - Outstanding sex

Elwis (child's father) - ummm....uh...ooohh tough one................NEXT

Ahmon - Nice parents LOL


My ex's are UGH! Oops!

 

[Kemetstry]

lawd!

Alfred - Good looking

Davell - great smile

Andre - Outstanding sex

Elwis (child's father) - ummm....uh...ooohh tough one................NEXT

Ahmon - Nice parents LOL


My ex's are UGH! Oops!

;

 

[medusanegrita]

Here ya go, Sister Medusanegrita.

So here is what I got and the most prominent example.....

I started my relationship at 16, and we got our own place when I was 18.

Being young and all, the older 'mature' sisters was always trying to tell me what to do to 'please' my man and make him happy. I had a few older brothers trying to tell what to do too.

Now a little something about these men and women....
The sistas been hurt, domestically abused, and were often single.
The brothas been hurt, left by the women they loved, had fragile egos, and had severe jealousy issues.
Hardly ripe for giving me advice based on that experience, but I attended to it anyway.... or tried.

Well one of those issues kinda centered around the way I look. There was nothing wrong with the way I looked, but I guess i could look better.

Now my spouse, he never said anything bad about the way I looked... ever.
Never got much complements, but never got any criticism either. He always said 'I'm fine with whatever. I don't care what you do.'

Well this kinda pissed me off. Isn't a man suppose to be interested in how his wife looks? How she carries herself? What she looks like? What she presents for the both of them?
Isn't a man suppose to care about the type of woman he carries beside him and on his arm, which is reflected in the way she looks?

That's what these women told me. That's what I read elsewhere. That what the brothas told me.
And yet... he didn't seem to care how I looked.

I thought he didn't care about me since he didn't care about how I looked.

So I took it upon myself to try different looks I liked and that suited me.
I made mistakes. I overdyed my hair and had orange relaxed hair. In my wedding pics you can prominently see my dark orange bangs.
but hey...... since he didn't 'care' I was free to experiment.

The biggest hoopla among the other women (and NOT my husband) was when I cut my hair and went bald.
Oh for sure.... he was gonna leave me for that!
A 'woman's hair was her crown and glory', how could I??

Know what he said? 'I'on care. It's your hair.'



The thing I love about it all, that I didn't recognize then and thank him for now is...

my freedom to be myself and who I am.
The freedom to experiment with my look and not be scared that he wouldn't approve of it.

The freedom to be ME and not have to subscribe to some look or aesthetic I didn't like or care for just because he liked it.

He never made a big issue out of how I looked. He always accepted me for who I am, no matter if I gained weight, had orange hair or no hair, dressed like a bum or a dude, was funky and walked around in a gown all day, or made mishaps with hair, make-up, and clothes. He seemed always physically and sexually attracted to me regardless. It didn't make a difference to him.

He strengthened my resolve to be myself and not let no man dictate who I am or how I should be or how I should look.
If they want me, they will want me regardless.
If they don't, then they don't. That's that.

That's the thing I love. That's the thing I appreciate.

We have had some issues and a lot of downs, but he's been a big influence on my life. He doesn't even know because he's oblivious to any positive influence he's had on me, and he's caught up in defensiveness and criticism of other issues we have had. But I know, and that experience will always be there for me and that's why I don't see the ending of my relationship with him as a 'failure.'
He had a reason for being in my life, and it lasted for quite a few seasons.

He may not have been everything I wanted (and when I was young I didn't know what I wanted), but he was what I needed at the time I needed it. I just didn't know it then. I know it now.


I have another. I may share that later.