Black Poetry : Saving Time

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Clio_the_Muze, Aug 6, 2003.

  1. Clio_the_Muze

    Clio_the_Muze Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The pills coursed their way backwards through her veins
    Taking with them the violent convulsions of pain
    Until they were whole tablets in her stomach
    Rising up her esaphogus and resting on her tongue now
    They fell from her mouth and between her lips
    Into the tight grasp of trembling fingertips
    Tentative steps backwards in time
    To the birth of suicide ideals in the recesses of her mind
    Out the door down the hall and back up the street
    She flows through the doors of the clinic and into a seat
    Finds herself in a room with her clothes unzipping
    Unbuttoning and falling from her body to the floor
    She's back on the table facing the doctor's grave expression
    As he relays HIV positivity and confirms her worse guessing
    Doctor enters she undressed she enters from the waiting room
    Bright light eyes readjust as she enters the clinic
    She's on the bus back downtown her day is just beginning
    Tossing and turning in her sleep
    Mind fitfull from remembrance of the night before
    Feet hitting pavement she can hardly walk
    On her back gun to her face legs spread apart
    Now she's struggling backwards out of the alley
    Sitting at the table downing drinks having a good time
    She sits down walks through the door struts down the street
    Knows she looks good passes the clinic on the way from her
    apartment number thirty-three
    She dressed herself dries off steps out of the shower
    Picks up the phone tells her friends she'll see 'em @ 10 to the hr.
    Turns off the tv phone rings she's bored out of her mind
    Wakes from her nap she's in the bed takes off her clothes
    She walks through the door says good-bye to the guy who
    walked her home
    She leaves the office delivery guy offers to walk with her
    Before she stepped out he was on the phone with his boys
    He said
    The next woman through the door is the one
    You'll know for sure when I start to walk with her
    She woke that morning
    The sun rose on a brand new day
     
  2. emrod89

    emrod89 Active Member MEMBER

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    wow. tragic and powerful. i love the way you recounted backwards, very creative and difficult...

    if only...
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    whoa!
    what a sweet was to backwhip yo pen is awesome
     
  4. Sweet baby_face

    Sweet baby_face Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    yr words are flowing and yr pen skills are crazy.
    keep it coming. so amazing.
     
  5. the_story

    the_story Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    dang dis was deeep loved it sis, its horrible that that had to happen though...:sad:
     
  6. angelicsage

    angelicsage Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This was a phenomenal piece even amidst the tragedy.

    You writing is incredible, and the clever back track on the flow
    was great, I read it twice!
     
  7. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    this was tyte...
    an ill scribe
    peace
    khasm
     
  8. 1poetsought

    1poetsought Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Tragic Magic!
     
  9. Da1whoownslife

    Da1whoownslife Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Nice piece.... Sorry that it happened.... Nice but very sad..... I had to read this piece over and over..... Keep the flos coming....
     
  10. Clio_the_Muze

    Clio_the_Muze Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you to all of you for replying to my work, and I offer my depest apologies at being gone so long. As my sister (the_story) can assuredly vouch for me, I have been very busy since the school year has started again. I am so glad that you all enjoyed the piece, it was something new, and I thought I would give it a try...

    Peace and Blessings
     
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