Black Relationships : Saving a Marriage !

[$$RICH$$]

The 4 Most Damaging Myths About Saving Your Marriage...

Myth 1: You Need To Learn More Communication Skills

Learning new communication skills will not help you.

Teaching you how to communicate better, if your marriage is truly troubled, will only give you and your spouse the ability to fight more effectively!

In many cases, improving "communication skills" only creates more damage and accelerates the deterioration of the relationship.

Myth 2: There is only one "path" from the brink of divorce to marital bliss.

Many other programs assume there is only one "path" back to marital happiness.

I discovered there are 8 distinct paths! And, each "path" must be addressed differently.

What is helpful at one stage can be destructive, or at least counterproductive, at another stage.

I want to show each way of a unique path, for each stage that resolves the crisis best.

These paths have been tested and retested,for what i understand and proven successful to a great point

You will learn how to determine exactly which stage of marriage crisis you are facing. After you do this, you are infinitely better prepared to move forward and begin the healing and progress.

Myth 3: You can't start saving your marriage if your spouse isn't interested.

When a marriage crisis is in full swing, it sometimes takes awhile for the other spouse to respond. But, this does not mean that you can't save your marriage!

This techniques and approach work. . . even if your spouse has already "given up. "

Da strategies have been called "relationship Judo."

You will learn how to use the negative energy in your relationship to turn your relationship around.

Myth 4: Time heals all.

This may be the most damaging myth of all!

In my experience, many people procrastinate and hope that things will get "just work themselves out."

This rarely, if ever, happens. You already know that! That is the reason you are at this mess. You are ready to take action!

If you do not take action, the negative momentum of the relationship moves against you and before you know it, the relationship is too far gone.
It is critical that you start the process of saving your marriage now. . . before things spiral into a place that is truly irreparable. Do you believe these are the most
damaging myths told or do they hold truth to saving a marriage???

1.priorities ....when we sum it up we alwayz seem to put marriage not first this
is where we must start to saving a marriage is the priority of the marriage.

2.neglecting.... the mate or marriage is a key to where one must redefind self and openly pay more attention this grows deeper on the other mate and as marriage gets ignored. More than that, the relationship shifts from suffering with neglect to a growing animosity and antipathy

3.power structure ..... where one wants to shift the load or asume power in the marriage and the other
not aware of change, we have to reconize this.

4.financial crises .....this too can kill a marriage , dealing with financial debt and urilizing finance understanding it's worth

5.The art of cheating / affairs and the dishonesty of a trust knowing the wrong and faults
of this act with admitting and seting back up security of trust

6.Sexless motion in a marriage can be damaging you can bring a sparks of true pleasure and intimacy back again by knowing the likes of your mate and
what turns them on.

7.Adressing feelings : are commonly known to be hidden in mates these things can
take way from the marriage, expressing it full and honestly opens doors to betterment, this also bring forth the home structure and family morals.

8.LOVE....the biggest four letter word known and not well understood, love can be blind
hurtful and careless if not treated right in a marriage, to asure the better half a divine love it must be spoken as well felt and shown.

Understanding each faze and reconizing the area of breakdown can help put a marriage back on track.
Can you imagine how wonderful it feel to, finally, eliminate the fear, anxiety and stress that currently envelopes you. . . and replace it with feelings of love, joy and contentment?

 

[truetothecause]

The 4 Most Damaging Myths About Saving Your Marriage...

Myth 1: You Need To Learn More Communication Skills

Learning new communication skills will not help you.

Teaching you how to communicate better, if your marriage is truly troubled, will only give you and your spouse the ability to fight more effectively!

In many cases, improving "communication skills" only creates more damage and accelerates the deterioration of the relationship.

Myth 2: There is only one "path" from the brink of divorce to marital bliss.

Many other programs assume there is only one "path" back to marital happiness.

I discovered there are 8 distinct paths! And, each "path" must be addressed differently.

What is helpful at one stage can be destructive, or at least counterproductive, at another stage.

I want to show each way of a unique path, for each stage that resolves the crisis best.

These paths have been tested and retested,for what i understand and proven successful to a great point

You will learn how to determine exactly which stage of marriage crisis you are facing. After you do this, you are infinitely better prepared to move forward and begin the healing and progress.

Myth 3: You can't start saving your marriage if your spouse isn't interested.

When a marriage crisis is in full swing, it sometimes takes awhile for the other spouse to respond. But, this does not mean that you can't save your marriage!

This techniques and approach work. . . even if your spouse has already "given up. "

Da strategies have been called "relationship Judo."

You will learn how to use the negative energy in your relationship to turn your relationship around.

Myth 4: Time heals all.

This may be the most damaging myth of all!

In my experience, many people procrastinate and hope that things will get "just work themselves out."

This rarely, if ever, happens. You already know that! That is the reason you are at this mess. You are ready to take action!

If you do not take action, the negative momentum of the relationship moves against you and before you know it, the relationship is too far gone.
It is critical that you start the process of saving your marriage now. . . before things spiral into a place that is truly irreparable. Do you believe these are the most
damaging myths told or do they hold truth to saving a marriage???

1.priorities ....when we sum it up we alwayz seem to put marriage not first this
is where we must start to saving a marriage is the priority of the marriage.

2.neglecting.... the mate or marriage is a key to where one must redefind self and openly pay more attention this grows deeper on the other mate and as marriage gets ignored. More than that, the relationship shifts from suffering with neglect to a growing animosity and antipathy

3.power structure ..... where one wants to shift the load or asume power in the marriage and the other
not aware of change, we have to reconize this.

4.financial crises .....this too can kill a marriage , dealing with financial debt and urilizing finance understanding it's worth

5.The art of cheating / affairs and the dishonesty of a trust knowing the wrong and faults
of this act with admitting and seting back up security of trust

6.Sexless motion in a marriage can be damaging you can bring a sparks of true pleasure and intimacy back again by knowing the likes of your mate and
what turns them on.

7.Adressing feelings : are commonly known to be hidden in mates these things can
take way from the marriage, expressing it full and honestly opens doors to betterment, this also bring forth the home structure and family morals.

8.LOVE....the biggest four letter word known and not well understood, love can be blind
hurtful and careless if not treated right in a marriage, to asure the better half a divine love it must be spoken as well felt and shown.

Understanding each faze and reconizing the area of breakdown can help put a marriage back on track.
Can you imagine how wonderful it feel to, finally, eliminate the fear, anxiety and stress that currently envelopes you. . . and replace it with feelings of love, joy and contentment?

Brother $$RICH$$
for sharing!

Saving a marriage on the brink of destruction requires a lot of WORK...emotional work. As I read the "myths" I immediately took issue with myth #1. As I read on and came to the "action steps", I was a bit more hopeful that folk would consider the need for HEALTHY AND EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION as a KEY to improving relational challenges.
Action step # 7 in particular supports this effort....based on my experiences and work with couples and families.
Afreekan Descendants, it appears, have brought into the notion that "feelings" are our enemy and MUST be "controlled", "managed", suppressed in the face of LOGIC. I see this HAS been like a dagger straight to the HEART....
Taking away or out our SPIRIT, which I equate with FEELINGS is a set-up for death....of a relationship with self and others. The inability to effectively identify and express....i.e. COMMUNICATE feelings continues to feed destruction in our relationships.

Yes..Prioritize first and foremost AND...put IDENTIFYING FEELINGS on the top of the list. Ask your self..."what am I feeling"? If you are having a difficult time with that...ask yourself "what do I think" about thus and such. Write out that thought then ask yourself again.....and "how do I FEEL when I think this thing.
It is confusing as all get out to be told...
"I LOVE YOU" then take a slap in the face as PROOF of that "love".
To smack in the face is an ACT of ANGER as it is indicative of an INJUSTICE being done to a person.
When a parent gives a child a "well deserved a whipping" that parent is likely FEELING a. fear for the child's safety, b. anger at what the child has done, or c. sadness for a loss that the child has facilitated happening. Often time, the parent is feeling ALL THREE of these emotions with one being primary or focal when the butt whooping takes place.

Sorry for not contextualizing this in marital relationship yet....I hope this makes sense and can be applied to events happening in the marital relationship. In fact, conflicts about raising children is ALSO a key factor in marital discord.

Again....GREAT POST and Thanks for Sharing...


M.E.

 

[Keita Kenyatta]

The 4 Most Damaging Myths About Saving Your Marriage...

Myth 1: You Need To Learn More Communication Skills

Learning new communication skills will not help you.

Teaching you how to communicate better, if your marriage is truly troubled, will only give you and your spouse the ability to fight more effectively!

In many cases, improving "communication skills" only creates more damage and accelerates the deterioration of the relationship.

I disagree with this. Increasing our communication skills often allows us to more effectively express "how and what we really feel". Are you aware of how many people there are who lack the ability to simply express and convey in words what they think and feel in and for each other? What can be more important than the ability to express what one feels and thinks? Even when things aren't going right or as planned, we should have the words to say "what we mean and mean what we say with each other".


Number 2 on this list should have been effectively learning to listen to each other instead of "just hearing what our mates are saying". I can recall many times in my ignorance of "just hearing" what my mate was saying instead of listening to what she was saying." What's the difference? The difference is in how and what I responded to concerning her or our relationship.


Myth 2: There is only one "path" from the brink of divorce to marital bliss.

Many other programs assume there is only one "path" back to marital happiness.

I discovered there are 8 distinct paths! And, each "path" must be addressed differently.

What is helpful at one stage can be destructive, or at least counterproductive, at another stage.

I want to show each way of a unique path, for each stage that resolves the crisis best.

These paths have been tested and retested,for what i understand and proven successful to a great point

You will learn how to determine exactly which stage of marriage crisis you are facing. After you do this, you are infinitely better prepared to move forward and begin the healing and progress.

Myth 3: You can't start saving your marriage if your spouse isn't interested.

When a marriage crisis is in full swing, it sometimes takes awhile for the other spouse to respond. But, this does not mean that you can't save your marriage!

This techniques and approach work. . . even if your spouse has already "given up. "

Da strategies have been called "relationship Judo."

You will learn how to use the negative energy in your relationship to turn your relationship around.


I disagree with this also. We have to accept the fact that people change, people grow...and sometimes independently of each other. When this happens we still need the ability to express these changes. If i am not interested in my mate due to these type of changes, there is nothing my mate can do to change it....for we have in essence become "two separate people with different directions, priorities and life goals.

Number 3. We need to cultivate the mutual respect for each others feelings and thoughts. Only in this fashion can we maintain some semblance of honesty with ourselves and each other in terms of where the relationship is going and hopefully growing in our togetherness.


I'll deal with the rest of this when I return from work.

 

[$$RICH$$]

Thankz brother Keita
while i read on i do find truth in your statement at hand, I guess in every relationship per see
the marriage or breakdown of it is different but learning the right way if there is one how to renew
it and bring it back with security and hope for a healthy one ?

I disagree with this also. We have to accept the fact that people change, people grow...and sometimes independently of each other. When this happens we still need the ability to express these changes. If i am not interested in my mate due to these type of changes, there is nothing my mate can do to change it....for we have in essence become "two separate people with different directions, priorities and life goals.

While i agree but in many cases this not seen as you would see it which lead us into a different view
when people change and grow independently or have a different set of priorities, what made that person
change to be oppsit of there mates beyond discussing it ?
many marriages are not express or talked about openly because lack of communication do to the problem
whatever so it be !
In most part i am just a learning tree here and in most part do agree....But still i have questions and doubts !

 

[LindaChavis]

Well..good grief

based on the 4 myths..you may as well stay single