Poetry Critiques : sad state of affairs

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by LeeStone, May 9, 2008.

  1. LeeStone

    LeeStone New Member MEMBER

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    i'm usually not this bleak...this is the last of the depressing peoms...promise:qqb006:


    There are days where I fill empty. Hollowness consumes me. I feel it up, to the brim with his touch and I pretend I am complete. A quick fix for an outstanding problem. A wink of assurance, a smile of approval, a caress of compassion. He fills me like no other. I am like a fiend it’s like an addiction to dull the pain of your absence I use like a substitution.
    So many things I wish I could take back.
    To long for the ability to say “I love you”
    With every push there was a shove
    It’s not a surprise outcome. I no longer hurt,
    The pain has subsided yet to live without you brings forth a whole new set of emotions
    To crave the love of a stranger
    The Epitome of desperation.
    So many hateful words
    Raw emotion between you and I
    No longer a Fresh wound more like a tender scar
    Sensitive to the touch a reminder of the battle that caused it
    Maturity has set in and
    I no longer Despise you
    I pity you
     
  2. MRS. LADY

    MRS. LADY Banned MEMBER

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    thank you for sharing...

    very well written...

    "to crave the love of a stranger.. the epitome of desperation"..

    you said a mouthful ....
     
  3. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Your word choice is point on poetess, which is why the reader can relate to your pen so. What this piece caused me to think of, was how some seek out those in pain, and while they capture some momentary physical pleasure, they leave behind even more pain in their wake. Those so void of feeling, should be pitied. You're quite talented.
     
  4. PLATINUMILLITY1

    PLATINUMILLITY1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    :getout::climb:
    THIS WAS FANTASTIC
    It was so to the Point and STRONG
    Not depressing...it was gain
    Never get depressed about gain
    Seeing someone for their true self.
    Dont we all need it:qqb009:

    Flow On
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    couldn't said it any better
     
  6. Tha-Emissary

    Tha-Emissary Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is like one of them Jekyll & Hide Joint. Yep it's some sadness, but somebody let the cat out of the bag at the end! "Maturity has set in and
    I no longer Despise you
    I pity you."

    Whew CatWoman The Guardian of the Underworld is making her presence known!
     
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