Poetry Critiques : sad state of affairs

LeeStone

New Member
REGISTERED MEMBER
May 9, 2008
4
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i'm usually not this bleak...this is the last of the depressing peoms...promise:qqb006:


There are days where I fill empty. Hollowness consumes me. I feel it up, to the brim with his touch and I pretend I am complete. A quick fix for an outstanding problem. A wink of assurance, a smile of approval, a caress of compassion. He fills me like no other. I am like a fiend it’s like an addiction to dull the pain of your absence I use like a substitution.
So many things I wish I could take back.
To long for the ability to say “I love you”
With every push there was a shove
It’s not a surprise outcome. I no longer hurt,
The pain has subsided yet to live without you brings forth a whole new set of emotions
To crave the love of a stranger
The Epitome of desperation.
So many hateful words
Raw emotion between you and I
No longer a Fresh wound more like a tender scar
Sensitive to the touch a reminder of the battle that caused it
Maturity has set in and
I no longer Despise you
I pity you
 
i'm usually not this bleak...this is the last of the depressing peoms...promise:qqb006:


There are days where I fill empty. Hollowness consumes me. I feel it up, to the brim with his touch and I pretend I am complete. A quick fix for an outstanding problem. A wink of assurance, a smile of approval, a caress of compassion. He fills me like no other. I am like a fiend it’s like an addiction to dull the pain of your absence I use like a substitution.
So many things I wish I could take back.
To long for the ability to say “I love you”
With every push there was a shove
It’s not a surprise outcome. I no longer hurt,
The pain has subsided yet to live without you brings forth a whole new set of emotions
To crave the love of a stranger
The Epitome of desperation
.
So many hateful words
Raw emotion between you and I
No longer a Fresh wound more like a tender scar
Sensitive to the touch a reminder of the battle that caused it
Maturity has set in and
I no longer Despise you
I pity you


thank you for sharing...

very well written...

"to crave the love of a stranger.. the epitome of desperation"..

you said a mouthful ....
 
Your word choice is point on poetess, which is why the reader can relate to your pen so. What this piece caused me to think of, was how some seek out those in pain, and while they capture some momentary physical pleasure, they leave behind even more pain in their wake. Those so void of feeling, should be pitied. You're quite talented.
 
i'm usually not this bleak...this is the last of the depressing peoms...promise:qqb006:


There are days where I fill empty. Hollowness consumes me. I feel it up, to the brim with his touch and I pretend I am complete. A quick fix for an outstanding problem. A wink of assurance, a smile of approval, a caress of compassion. He fills me like no other. I am like a fiend it’s like an addiction to dull the pain of your absence I use like a substitution.
So many things I wish I could take back.
To long for the ability to say “I love you”
With every push there was a shove
It’s not a surprise outcome. I no longer hurt,
The pain has subsided yet to live without you brings forth a whole new set of emotions
To crave the love of a stranger
The Epitome of desperation.
So many hateful words
Raw emotion between you and I
No longer a Fresh wound more like a tender scar
Sensitive to the touch a reminder of the battle that caused it
Maturity has set in and
I no longer Despise you
I pity you

:getout::climb:
THIS WAS FANTASTIC
It was so to the Point and STRONG
Not depressing...it was gain
Never get depressed about gain
Seeing someone for their true self.
Dont we all need it:qqb009:

Flow On
 

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