Black Poetry : Room 425

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Heartbeat, Aug 3, 2001.

  1. Heartbeat

    Heartbeat Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2001
    Messages:
    1,440
    Likes Received:
    86
    Ratings:
    +86
    The smell of our passion still fresh in the air
    Soft music still playing
    But she's not here

    She left before dawn
    All part of the plan
    To meet and make love
    With her secret man

    The day and night before was incredible
    This wasn't a room
    It was a magical place
    I knew my life would never be the same
    As I poured out what was left of our favorite champagne

    I gathered up my clothes strewn about the room
    How I want and need her this morning
    We'd make love again
    But she left much too soon

    I kissed a wet spot that remained on the sheet
    Lingering evidence of our love so sweet
    I walked through the door
    A tear fell from my eye
    As I said goodbye to room 425

    BE
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    ALL ****!! HEARTBEAT

    MAN ROOM 425 REMINDS ME OF MY ROOM 228
    MAN THE THINGS TOOK PLACE IN THERE
    I FEEL YA HERE BIG TYME........WOW!!:eek:
     
  3. shaneak

    shaneak Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2001
    Messages:
    1,142
    Likes Received:
    6
    Occupation:
    Technical Support engineer
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Ratings:
    +7
    Wow....

    This was deep...i wonder if you were saying good-bye. This was a nice scribe...I was feeling it through and through...
     
  4. T

    T Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2001
    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    1
    Ratings:
    +1
    Beautiful, BE

    ...and I wonder if our lives are ever the same after this kind of loving...

    This is powerful and intense. Feelin you today. :)

    T
     
  5. blakverb

    blakverb Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2001
    Messages:
    2,627
    Likes Received:
    31
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +32
    nice work poet. Your rhyme scheme was tight. Imma go back and get another read in.

    blak
     
  6. bassaman

    bassaman Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    May 16, 2001
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    0
    Occupation:
    engineer
    Location:
    the bush
    Ratings:
    +0
    If there was ever

    any doubt; you leave none, with this piece. What a beautiful description of love filled with the bitter and the sweet. I appreciate a brotha who allows love move him to tears. That's when ya know it's real.

    Thank you for the vivid images. Unforgettable, no doubt.

    ciao
     
  7. poeticdelight

    poeticdelight Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2001
    Messages:
    2,077
    Likes Received:
    2
    Ratings:
    +2
    alright

    feelin a sense of poetic energy here!

    very thorough

    GOOD JOB!

    pd
     
  8. mojo

    mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2001
    Messages:
    101
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    BE, my brotha

    I'm loving this whole scene. Unlike another response...I'm feeling a serious sequel comin on! hehehe This is tight!!!

    mojo
     
  9. raheem

    raheem Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2001
    Messages:
    52
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    you may have left the room

    but you entered into another space, far more magical.

    And the earth did quake that day. You, BE, are blessed among men.

    This is an awesome piece!

    raheem
     
  10. GA_Sunshyne

    GA_Sunshyne Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2001
    Messages:
    2,616
    Likes Received:
    4
    Occupation:
    Lover of Words
    Location:
    The PeAcH State
    Ratings:
    +4
    BE....


    reminds me of my "Paradyse Found"....
    from a male point of view. very very nice!

    SunShyne~
     
Loading...