Right to privacy?? Under my Roof???

ZeroGravity said:
I agree with this perspective. How can we teach our children trust if we don't extend it. By the time they are in middle school, parents have had years to instill in their child, when they were younger, a value system that one would hope would mold them into responsible young adults. I think Kente417mojo said it best when he said it's more of a courtesy extended by parents than a "right". True dat! Parents always have the final say-so and if they want to read their children's diary or search their room, they're clearly within their parental rights to do so...I chose to give them the courtesy of their privacy as long as they gave me no reason(s) to question their behavior and consistently show good judgement as they went about learning about life.

Yeah, some kids will act differently somewhat when their parents aren't around, but you can't be everywhere with your child, sooner or later you're just going to have to have faith in the teachings you gave to them when they were (with you).

I think too that kids will have their own private thoughts and even fantasies on things that they are entitled to share themselves.

If a kid is acting normal and a parent goes through their diary, are they going to confront the kid if they see an entry that might show anger against them (we're talking normal feelings of course not threats or anything). What if they talk sexually explicit about a boy or girl they like? I know when I was in middle-school, I did just that in my diary... it was the only place I could really do it in, other than maybe in my own private thoughts.

But there are times when it is necessary, and usually the behavior matches. I remember one article I read about a kid who killed her mom... the warning signs of course erratic behavior and writing weird stuff on her website blog.
 
I think that its a very sensitive situation because once children become of age they are masters of manipulation. I have saw first hand how toddlers can manipulate their parents to get what they want, so of course by the time they are teen-aged this becomes second nature.

I totally agree with establishing a good relationship where your children trust you and can feel that they can talk to you about anything, but the fact still remains that if it is a situation where your child knows that telling his or her parents is not going to benefit them, what do you think they would do? I was a good kid myself, and I had that type of bond with my mother, but if I really, I mean really wanted to do something that I knew she would not approve of I didnt talk to her about it! Children are smarter than that.


Of course, these days its not the same as when I was coming up. Instead of jumping off the roof of the house and experementing with lighters and matches (as I did when I ws younger lol!) now teens are far more frequently exposed to guns sex and drugs at a far younger age as well.


As parents we should expect that our children wont understand why they are under such a lagre microscope. but once they realize that all of those friends that we tried to keep them away from are in jail or worse, and to their suprise they have become law abiding and drug free citizens, they'll thank you as well as respect you.
 
spicybrown said:
Every human being has a right to privacy(adolescents too). It is the critical point in their lives where they can begin to separate themselves and evolve into their own being. My daughter has always had her own room, and even if she is on punishment I still knock out of common courtesy, as I would expect that to reciprocate on her behalf. As far as a teen getting out of line, invading their privacy can somehow shatter their self-esteem. My father raised three girls close in age by himself. He would always knock on our bedroom doors and ask: "Ya decent?". I would only be urged to read my daughters diary if I suspect something is going on, but first I'll ask if she'd mind talking about it. If things got progessively worse, then that's when I'd have to be bold, and bust that lock on the diary. If a child misbehaves, privileges should be taken away, not privacy. JMHO:picture:

Yeah I Feel That
 
Coach707 said:
I think that its a very sensitive situation because once children become of age they are masters of manipulation. I have saw first hand how toddlers can manipulate their parents to get what they want, so of course by the time they are teen-aged this becomes second nature.

I totally agree with establishing a good relationship where your children trust you and can feel that they can talk to you about anything, but the fact still remains that if it is a situation where your child knows that telling his or her parents is not going to benefit them, what do you think they would do? I was a good kid myself, and I had that type of bond with my mother, but if I really, I mean really wanted to do something that I knew she would not approve of I didnt talk to her about it! Children are smarter than that.


Of course, these days its not the same as when I was coming up. Instead of jumping off the roof of the house and experementing with lighters and matches (as I did when I ws younger lol!) now teens are far more frequently exposed to guns sex and drugs at a far younger age as well.


As parents we should expect that our children wont understand why they are under such a lagre microscope. but once they realize that all of those friends that we tried to keep them away from are in jail or worse, and to their suprise they have become law abiding and drug free citizens, they'll thank you as well as respect you.

Well, the way I look at it I wouldn't allow my kid to be put in situations of temptation.

For example, as a teenager raised in a 'Christian' environment, when kids had a get-together, there was always adults around. There was no riff-raff because the kids themselves weren't interested and an adult still had control of things.

Now dating is definitely a situation where a kid could get tempted to do something irresponsible. So in my house when my child is granted that privilege it would be at a point where I feel I could trust him completely without me being around.
 

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