Black Relationships : Requires A Little Honesty

kashif said:
Bisabee I'm glad that you and Kemestry responded to my post. Thank you. However, I must disagree with you. I know that this is a touchy subject(FEMALE INFIDELITY). Nevertheless it should be explored. Is it possible sisters in their sexual prime(LATE 20'S and ON) are more prone to gather more then one male's seed? Could it be biological in nature?
Actually women don't reach their sexual prime until later in life (late 30's early 40's)

Is it biological for males to spread their seed. Brothers when you were in your sexual prime(16-27) roughly, how many sisters did you sleep with or had a desire to sleep with. And especially in our teens did we not sexually become bored with the same partner. Why then would not the same apply for the female in her sexual prime.
Women don't have a seed to spread, so our drives are not the same. As mentioned in another thread, they are very much dependent upon our fertile times of the month.

Yes sisters do quite often blame the male for the troubles in the relationship whether it be money problems, sex or whatever. But, the sex was good in the beginning. Why not now? Could it be boredom? What about wanting something or someone different as we brothers desired in our prime?
I think naturally people want to explore and learn, and you can do that within a marriage to a certain extent. Women initiate a divorce probably more for financial reasons, and also due to past infidelity by their spouse. This can cause the woman to, out of spite, seek to violate the relationship as well.

In my opinion this behavior is not a detriment to sisters. One cannot be made to be ashamed of their true nature. But this myth about manogomy was forced upon the female by an insecure male who was concerned about protecting his sperm and whether the offspring would truly be his.
Any civilized society can be judged by its women, because we are the first teachers of the children in a society. If we teach men and women to be irresponsible sexually, we damage the family unit and our nature to have order and be civilized. Sexual freedom does not mean 1,000 partners or how to do 501 freaky things. It is an individual being comfortable with themselves, what they like, and enjoying that with whatever partner they choose at the time. If we want to contribute something to our people and our future, we will be wise and settle into families in some way, shape, or form and nurture a new generation. This cannot happen if everyone is only focused on fulfilling sexual desires and running rampant. Let's remember, the purpose of sex in the first place is procreation.

Bisabee newsweek also did an article on the rise of female infidelity. One of it's components was that women no longer have the need to rely on the male for financial security. Therefore she can dispose of him at will.
I can see the truth in this. As women become more "independent" financially and socially, some of us do not see marriage as a necessity. This is a reality, but it is still dysfunctional. We need each other as Black men and women, and the sooner we realize this the easier it will be for us to understand each other and satisfy each other's needs.
 
Bisabee said:
Huh? I didn't give 'thumbs up' to anything. That was your interpretation.
Actually I was referring to the "Well Done" emoticon you posted which illustrates a character giving a thumbs up.

Bisabee said:
If you're implying that I approve of any person cheating on their spouse, then you misinterpreted what I said.
Na, I didn't imply anything about cheating, I specifically mentioned divorce.

You responded to Kashif's question about the reasons women initiate divorce.

Bisabee Reminder said:
Many of the women who initiate divorce must be very dissatisfied about something. Two of the major sources of dissatisfaction that I’ve heard women express are money issues and sexual issues.

Your response addressed two reasons, money and sex, despite your claim you've only dealt with emotional ones.


bisabee said:
Also, I'm sure that you realize that husbands and wives sometimes fail to meet each others needs. It's mature and wonderful to commit/marry but that doesn't always guarantee that both parties needs will be met. That's an area for communication and negotiation in a relationship. Relationships require work, but both parties have to realize that and do the work. It's not a one-sided thing. That being said, I think relationships are worth every second of the work.
I agree with this 100%. But there WILL be times, sometimes prolonged, when your personal "needs" aren't being met, no matter how well matched you are with your mate.

The ultimate issue is whether we choose to work through those times for the sake of our COLLECTIVE future, or abandon the commitment in search of greener pastures.

bisabee said:
Also, I NEVER justified getting a divorce to find better sex. I stressed the need for men to focus on a woman's EMOTIONAL needs throughout ALL of my posts above, yet most of you guys keep bringing the focus back to sex. My posts will NEVER stress sex alone because sex without the emotional component for most women is pretty empty.

Ok - thanks for clarifying. It sounded like you said a woman not getting sexually satisfied is often the last straw that justifies her not wanting to continue in the marriage.

bisabee said:
When it comes to sexual matters, many women are just not satisfied with their husband in the bedroom. Their husband do not satisfy them sexually in many cases and when you add that to the other stresses in a marriage, it often becomes not worth it for a woman to want to continue.

So you really meant to type emotionally satisfied rather than sexually satisfied...I can buy that.

But is getting a divorce because another man gives you a better emotional connection any better than doing it because he lays better pipe?
 
kemetkind said:
Actually I was referring to the "Well Done" emoticon you posted which illustrates a character giving a thumbs up.


Na, I didn't imply anything about cheating, I specifically mentioned divorce.

You responded to Kashif's question about the reasons women initiate divorce.



Your response addressed two reasons, money and sex, despite your claim you've only dealt with emotional ones.



I agree with this 100%. But there WILL be times, sometimes prolonged, when your personal "needs" aren't being met, no matter how well matched you are with your mate.

The ultimate issue is whether we choose to work through those times for the sake of our COLLECTIVE future, or abandon the commitment in search of greener pastures.



Ok - thanks for clarifying. It sounded like you said a woman not getting sexually satisfied is often the last straw that justifies her not wanting to continue in the marriage.



So you really meant to type emotionally satisfied rather than sexually satisfied...I can buy that.

But is getting a divorce because another man gives you a better emotional connection any better than doing it because he lays better pipe?

I don't know about what's better. If a woman's emotional needs are not met and that continues over a long period of time, you are dealing with a time bomb in one way or another! She will either explode or implode. The way she handles it all depends a lot on WHY the man is not meeting her needs and also on her interior and exterior resources. Women suppress their emotional needs in various ways--few of which are positive or healthy from what I've observed.

Barring unusual circumstances, EMOTIONAL satisfaction is the key to keeping a typical woman satisfied overall because if a man meets her emotional needs, she will more likely open up and communicate with him more, she may initiate sex more and will undoubtedly enjoy sex a LOT more with him, she'll be an even better mother,etc.

Now, my question is: Do most men over 30 know this about women? If they don't, why not? Do most of the men who know it know how to meet a woman's emotional needs? Not that I plan to talk about this any more, because I'm not the expert, but I'm just curious.
 
Most men over 30 have no idea how to meet a women's emotional needs. So when a sister decides the relationship is over he has no idea as to why. I too am no expert on this matter. It just seems that women think brothers should know what they want. It also appears that brothers having committed to the relationship feels that the act alone is enough. Still curious about the biological factor. Wish more sisters would respond.
 
Bisabee said:
I don't know about what's better. If a woman's emotional needs are not met and that continues over a long period of time, you are dealing with a time bomb in one way or another! She will either explode or implode. The way she handles it all depends a lot on WHY the man is not meeting her needs and also on her interior and exterior resources. Women suppress their emotional needs in various ways--few of which are positive or healthy from what I've observed.

Barring unusual circumstances, EMOTIONAL satisfaction is the key to keeping a typical woman satisfied overall because if a man meets her emotional needs, she will more likely open up and communicate with him more, she may initiate sex more and will undoubtedly enjoy sex a LOT more with him, she'll be an even better mother,etc.

Now, my question is: Do most men over 30 know this about women? If they don't, why not? Do most of the men who know it know how to meet a woman's emotional needs? Not that I plan to talk about this any more, because I'm not the expert, but I'm just curious.
Quote: "Barring unusual circumstances, EMOTIONAL satisfaction is the key to keeping a typical woman satisfied overall because if a man meets her emotional needs, she will more likely open up and communicate with him more, she may initiate sex more and will undoubyedly enjoy sex a LOT more with him. she'll even be even a better mother, etc."

Can you PLEASE give me some examples of how a man gives "EMOTIONAL satisfaction" because I have been hearing this all my life and recently decided the bottom line still came down to "penis size" and "bling bling" and folks say that these things don't matter but I'm no longer buying it.
 

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