Black Short Stories : REPARATIONS 101 For DUMMIES


Well-Known Member
Jul 26, 2001

By Andre Austin

Sitting at the Mom & Pop store shooting the ****, smoking cigarettes and cigars talking with my European friends and associates. Uninitiated and unsolicited by me, the topic of reparations came up like a thunder bolt to me. Now I’m not in the business of arguing with people. It’s a waste of time of energy best spent elsewhere. My aim was to listen, take in all the information then write my response or refutation of their arguments. So I came up with the idea to write a little short story called “Reparations 101 for Dummies”. I hate talking about reparations because the Congress will never pass a bill to give us our forty acres and a mule.

Proving reparations to me is as easy as proving the existence of God. The sun, moon and stars and quasars didn’t create themselves and we surely didn’t not. Therefore God existence, he’s the only reality. I’m just waiting on the comedy error of the foolish court jesters who call themselves “the Kings of Atheists” to go on tour and attempt to prove the unprovable. These court jesters can only lampoon the men who wrote the Bible who were trying to understand God and commercialize it and bank money.

Well you say u don’t want to give up that money. Well its time to dig down deep inside your pocket and don’t come back up with some lent but some paper. Some Tubman’s and Franklins you dig. I really don’t know why some whites get so passionate about reparations when we all know that the money isn’t coming. King noted the checked already bounced back in 1963 and was marked insufficient funds.

So in the spirit of JA Roger’s book ,“Superman to Man”, who had conversations with many whites working as a Pullman porter on a train and made a composite dialogue. May I contribute to the conversation on reparations and inspire others to jump in.

At one point in time there were only about 10,000 human beings on the planet. Because of this fact and others we all have a double or a twin out there on the planet. Even out there in space there is a parallel universe with an earth like planet that has domination of one color over the other in reverse. I never thought I would bump into a white dude who would look like Tupac either. This white Tupac I nicknamed Whop-2Pac. He loves the 90’s rap and is a fierce opponent of reparations. So we are outside the Mom and pop store on the porch smoking and debating all the current issues out there. Oh I almost forgot I’m the frequent customer Mr. X and T-bone is the white liberal cashier.

Opening poem

Dear White Boy:

I thought blacks were victims of the slave trade

However, Whitey says we dug our own ditch in it with our own spade

That’s vicious talk and its worn out like a jade

The righteous talk for reparations will never fade

Useless honky logic , like the Titanic that went down and sank

Bend over cracker and get ready for the spank

You trying to punk me out is this a prank

Why you turn my temperature up your hands shouldn’t of turned the crank

Let me expose the issue like light does with the sun

My first impulse was to run up on you like Rambo with a gun

But I chill out and write a short story and with it have some fun

My pen, rubbed with garlic, is my pistol and this is no pun

You brought it to my footsteps and for that you are done

Cashier T-Bone: Okay you two Hombre’s you’re gonna have to keep the debate lean and clean and keep the pathway clear for all of the customers coming in. I have to get back at the cash register and man the lottery machine. We got a lot of people coming in for gas and beer tonight.

Mr. X: Whats up whop-2pac? Did you like that 1990’s rap CD compilation I hooked you up with? I don’t care what nobody has to say that was one of the best rap compilations out there. I’m a bad man I know how to hook up ****. This was my gift to you because you gave me all that info on MM apologizing to his mother 2 years ago. Now I guess I’m gonna have to get off his case.

Whop-2pac: yeah it was okay. But why did you put in the instrumental version of “wanted dead or alive” I wanted to hear the F-ing lyrics. But besides that it was the bomb. And I’m gonna get you to admit MM is the Tarzan of Rap, even 50 cents said he was the “Greatest”. Yes MM conquered the rap jungle that Tupac grew up out of and you just can’t handle the truth.

Mr. X: Sometimes man you have to chill and take note of all the melodies, beats and see the beauty of how its all put in harmony. Don’t hate but appreciate the CD. Now the only one who can be called the “Greatest” is Ali. I had an autographed boxing card of Ali’s signature in red blood but I always thought it was red ink.

Whop-2pac: well it was too bad the Compton Crips put his *** to sleep. What do you think about all those conspiracy theories saying Tupac alive? I agree with Snoop Dog who made a statement that people should stop trying to turn Tupac into an Elvis by saying he’s still alive. FBI Hoover never liked Elvis because he was “ dancing”

Mr. X: I don’t care for Snoopy right now. I’m upset with him for talking about the reboot movie of Roots. I mean he walks around with women on a collar and lease and then sh..its on Roots with a dog pile of puppy crap logic. We can show movies of ourselves as victims and heroes who win. I remember back in the day I wrote a 30 year anniversary essay on Roots when I was freelancing with a local black paper. Like Eddie Murphy told Cosby to go get a Coke, have a smile and shut the F-up. Snoopy needs to go fetch a doggy biscuit and shut the F-up.

1977 Roots Movie, Slave with a chain collar & lease

Whop-2pac: No wait a minute I agree with Snoop Dog that my man, my main man. He’s right. I’m tired of all of this victim ****. I like Django Unchained because it portrayed the Blackman doing something about his plight. The Blackman should have been able to overthrow slavery because they outnumbered the whites. Its their own fault they were slaves for hundreds of years. And movies like Roots are made with the ulterior motive to try to get reparations. And white peoples will not tolerate like they did at Sanford University student getting 6 moths with Cosby getting 6 months there will be 6 month of terror you dig.

Snoopy Dogg with girls on collar & Lease

Mr. X: **** whop I didn’t know you were cut like that. If it wasn’t for your white skin you would look just like Tupac who was a rose that grew from a concrete jungle of Black Panthers.

Whop-2pac: you see that just it the Black Panthers were kicking azzz and taking names. They didn’t we shall overcome they did something about the abuse that were inflicted upon them.

Mr X: you know we would make a good debate on the Political Ineptness show on HBO with William Sayer. It would be like Ali and Frazier. Well the problem with slavery is that the white man brainwashed a perverted form of Christianity that it was our fate to be hewers of wood and drawers of water. They divided us; they rewarded snitches and sambos to inform on each other. If we got out of line they threaten to separate our families and that was very power behavior modification mechanism. If we ran away, after the third time we were in jeopardy of getting gilded like a stud horse or bull. But despite this we still were in revolt. There was a book in publication in the 1960’s that documented over 200 slave revolts. We even staged mutiny on the slave ships before we even got here. We broke our tools and had work slow-down periods. We all didn’t go passively along with the program.

Whop-2pac: I’m not impressed; you guys should have been like those white cats on that flight that they took down in Pennsylvania on September 11, 2001. They took destiny in their own hands.

Mr. X: Well we had black cats like that. We had Gabriel Prosser, Nat Turner and Denmark Vesey in South Carolina. Vessey in 1822 tried to revolt against slavery and was sold out by a black Sambo. White people to this day is still upset with Vessey and attacked the church he went to and killed 9 black people. Those men I mentioned and many more were our modern day Black Panthers. And don’t forget the 40 thousands blacks who lost their lives in the Civil War fighting for their freedom. It was real freedom or death for them because the Confederates didn’t take black prisoners of war. Confederate General Nathan Forrest (renamed Forrest Gump in that famous movie), massacred blacks and help start the KKK.

Whop-2pac: Yes but when all is said and done there are no more slaves or masters living so there should be no reparations.

Mr. X: Well what about the aftermath. We dropped bombs on Japan and all the people are dead but we give reparations to the aftermath of its effects just like the holocaust. There were black people in the concentration camps. So we produce movies from time to time to remind ourselves and others of our victimization.

Whop-2pac: They are making movies to launch a reparations agenda.

Mr. X: No they are making movies to make money. I just don’t like the Hollywood Oscar narrow thinking that blacks should only get rewards in the movie industry for staying in their place of a slave, whore or corrupt cop. I knew something was wrong with the Oscars way back in 1992 when the movie Malcolm X was snubbed from an award. Just remember there are two sides of the Race hustle.

Whop-2pac: I’ve been trolling on the Youtube and I’m confused with the origin of the Oscars. Black comedian, Dick Gregory said the Oscars was named after a pioneer in black film with the same name. Prof Griff of Public Enemy said Oscar was a symbolic image of the Egyptian deity Ptah and comedian Paul Mooney said Bette Davis made a comment that the statue reminded her of her uncle Oscar.

Mr. X: You need to read you some books about the exploitation of the black man and black woman.

Whop-2pac: Now wait a minute. We did some good in slavery for you people. What Jimmy the Greek said in 1988 was spot on.

Mr. X: Remind me of what he said please

Whop-2pac: “The slave owner would breed his big black with his big woman so that he could have a big black kid…the black is a better athlete to begin with because he’s been bred to be that way because of his thigh size and his big size. Blacks can jump higher and run faster… if blacks take over coaching like everybody wants them to, there’s not going to be anything left for white people”. But I’m not afraid of black coaches and quarterbacks cuz many of them blacks can’t remember all of those plays and numbers anyway. Katt Williams would have been a better coach than Dungy. Katt got a high IQ and is a card carrying member of the Mensa Club until he got kicked out for that **** he did to prince in Dallas (see short story of Pen Pals for details).

Mr. X: Well I resent that because Dungy mother used to be my English teacher when I was in High School. And Dungy at all times was in full command of all the plays he had memorized in his head. And with his skill he became the first black coach to win a Super bowl. But you see the Whiteman is in fear of blacks taking over the business. Dick Gregory once said that Black comedians at one time couldn’t perform because they feared they would take over the business with their talent. So they either had to sing or dance and couldn’t plant their feet down and give commentary on the social, political and economic plight that was affecting their current times.

Whop-2pac: The best solution for blacks is for the Blackman to put away his dress and go and bring home the bacon and for the black woman to take off of her crown of the Welfare Queen and tie up her fallopian tubes and reduce all these nappy headed kids running around sucking up all the resources. And then stop asking for some God-**** reparations. And why you guys always talking about whites people enslaving you. The Arabs were enslaving, raping and castrating you guys from 800Ad and still use color as the bases for enslavement in countries like Saudi Arabia, Mauritania, Sierra Leone, Libya and the Sudan. All of these countries treat the LBGT community like Lepers throwing them off buildings head first.

Mr. X: Well they didn’t animalized and rob us of our humanity. You see Whop-2pac you denounce blacks as lazy and then resent black competition; you mock our lower academic achievement but assign the best teachers, materials and financial resources to white schools. Now your Italian whop-2pac and your peoples ruled the shipyards, docks, unions, Ethnic restaurants and fire and police and excluded blacks. Back during Jim Crow it was better to be a white gay man than a blackman looking for a job.

Whop-2pac: It’s not White society’s responsibility to be both the exploiter and savior of black people. And I’m tired of you people throwing up the G thang. Black leaders from the church and Civil Rights Movement do not like the Equation of black Civil rights with Gay rights.

Mr. X: well this is why we await the birth of a black messiah. And I try very hard to convince the black women not to abort 1 million babies per year in the United Snakes of America. But the evil forces of Eugenics and population control are at work night and day. But anyway, you know I was reading a book called The Timetables of History. And for every year it has a section of 7 categories. One category is called Science, technology and growth. And for the year 1441 they note Portugal navigators find the first Negroes near Cape blanc, western Africa, and start the Slave trade. Now these navigators couldn’t make a move with the Pope and the Catholics giving permission. And American slavery was the main pillar to Christianity. The religion of Christianity taught the slave to obey hi/her master in “everything” (Titus 2:9).

Whop-2pac: All is well and said but how do you compensate a dead slave? And how do you deal with blacks in America who owned slaves. In 1836 640 blacks owned slaves in New Orleans and Carter G. Woodson wrote a book about in in 1912 called “Free Negro Owners of slaves”

Mr. X: By giving up the Cheese to his living ancestors. Just think of the slave as having an empty estate that the government can now put funds into. America is like a corporation. In 1604 a group of white business formed the Virginia Company in anticipation of the imminent influx of white Europeans. Even today America is like that same old Virginia Company. The USA isn’t a country it’s a corporation. And the Supreme Court ruled a corporation is a person. This Corporate beast has produced 44 presidents since 1789-2016. Hopefully the 45th will be a skirt in a white house, although she prefers to wear pant suits that Obama knocked off in 2008. But anyway this corporate person has been living in America since 1789 its alive and the crimes of slavery must be held accountable for. Its simple but the foundation of injustice wants to make it complex.

Whop-2pac: Well let me keep it simple and brief because I have to make my run and deliver my newspapers. My point is not to grieve for the victims and denounce the executioners. Those tears, that anger, cast into the past, deplete any moral energy for the present for whats happening now. And the lines are not always clear as we see in the Black Lives matter. In my opinion, in the long run, the oppressor is also a victim. In the short run, the victims, themselves desperate and tainted with the culture that oppresses them, turn on other victims. You’re not going to hold a gun to my head metaphorically and try this victim shi…t and get no money except from the work and sweat from your own brows.

Mr. X: You sound like the white judge from Carolina who had sympathy for Dyland Roof’s family and the fools who went up in there saying they forgave him before he even asked for it. Only God can forgive sins I thought. And Snoopy been smoking too much weed. You hate the movie Roots because it makes blacks the victims with chains around their necks but you put dog collar and leashes on black females for public display. Now he’s knee-deep in a dog pile of shi..t of his own creation. The white man has been rebelling against God and now its time for the chastisement. Now if you rebel during the butt whopping you might alter the belt into an extension cord so its best just to bend over and submit to it. That’s the analogy to Justice Or Else. And there is no intermediary between these two forms of discipline. Make it easy upon yourself for the iniquities of sin. You better dig down deep inside your pockets and come back up, not with some lent, but the forty acres and a mule plus interest. I’m warning you. This is your last chance. Like Malcolm X said the ballot or the bullet we have Reparations and Repentance or Reproach and God like Reprisals. An inevitable event I send with sincere regrets.


Mr. X was ill prepared in this debate. He was very upset that a white dude who looked like Tupac would engage him in a debate about reparations without first being invited to do so. He couldn’t walk away with the issue blank without putting something down for the record. He knew that many African rulers and people collaborated with the Atlantic Slave trade but that still didn’t cancel out the debt of reparations. Mr. X came to the debate like Nixon did with Kennedy, it was dead on arrival. Mr. X was like a big fat whale docked on the beach like a dead carcass. His arguments could not cross over into the mainstream. So he was like a sick slave to a slave buyer. They were often left to die unattended on the quayside of the port of entry on the beach. Mr. X felt like a soldier who didn’t want to fight but was forced and drafted into a fight he couldn’t turn his back on or to.

Closing Poem

White man tell me-hunh-

**** yo’ soul;

White man tells me-hunh-

**** yo’ soul

Got no need, bebby,

To be tole

Cashier T-Bone: The shop is now closed. You guys don’t have to go home but you must get the F out of here. The two of you should kiss and make up and go vote for Sanders even though he lost.

Mr. X: **** that reminds me you owe me $20 dollars. You remember the bet that I had on predicted Miss Hill would win the nomination. But because you are so broke you can pay me back when they put Tubman’s likeness on the $20 dollar bill.


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