Black People : RELATIONSHIPS (An addendum)

[A007]

Queen thanks...much respect.

Anana... you said volumes with

"But to say, 'this is how I am', or 'accept me for what I am if you love me', or 'stop trying to change me', when you know you are messed up will make me lose all respect for and patience with you. Sometimes these people are not open about who they are, what they need, and poor, poor communicators. They bully, do other things to distract your attention from seeing the 'real them'."

I second that.

 

[Queenie]

Do you all think that most Black people are supportive of professional therapy? The men that I've met who I thought could benefit from such an experience, were vehemently opposed to it.

Men aren't supposed to cry, they aren't supposed to be afraid, they aren't supposed to be sensitive, they aren't supposed to seek therapy, they aren't supposed to nurture others, when lost, they aren't supposed to stop to ask for directions, and they aren't supposed to eat quiche!!!

Gender roles and definitions are extremely influential in this society. Boys and girls are exposed to society's idea of who they should be while still in the womb. How our parents/guardians interact with us. The way we are dressed, what we are encouraged to play with, what professions we counseled to choose, how we carry ourselves. All role-playing, from cradle to grave.

To be honest, I don't think there's much difference between men and women, not even biologically. But because of the way we are socialized, some of us feel gulfs between us as large as the Grand Canyon. It's no wonder that we often find ourselves hurt and confused when we try to come together. But the good news is that we don't have to remain broken and confused. Some of us have figured this out and found our "real" selves through enlightenment.

Men aren't from Mars and women aren't from Venus. We're born on the same planet but we've become so disconnected that we don't recognize how similar we are. The forums I've visited here in the past week or so, I've read some phenomenal posts by men and women. A lot of the messages between the two are saying essentially the same thing when it comes to love and relationships. Many have the same dreams. If we're really that close in mind and spirit, then why do many of us feel so lost and alone?

We need to learn how to speak the same language...starting with the language of genuine love: of self and of others.

 

[A007]

Queen---- You go girl. You hit the nail on the head. You sound like you are one of the enlightened ones. Great post.

Dre'

 

[A007]

Kem--

Women are committing to dogs because they have issues that they have not dealt with ;self-esteem, pain, insecurity, self-love or patience. In many cases women are taking the first average looking man that has SOME of the qualities that they look for in a man because they are just tired of being alone. And, dogs are out there looking for just such women. Basically it is easier to find a dog than a good man because dogs seek out vulneralbe women and good men are not nearly as aggressive. And let's face it we take the easy road when given the chance. Once women(and men) have looked inward and have made real progress towards positive resolution of thier own issues, facing the world from a position of strength will allow us to take the road less traveled when looking for a possible mate. The end result will be a woman who is a better judge of whom will be a positive influence in her life and have to strength to dismiss those whom are not. She will look for honesty, intelligence, integrity patience, good communication, good friendship, and good goals rather than someone who is OK to fill a void.

Dre'

 

[Queenie]

Ummm..Keme, what did you mean "Polyannaish"? I don't understand what that term means and what relevance it has to the context of the previously intellectual comments made on this topic?

I never can understand why you continue to speak in generalities and make such broad sweeping statements that can apply to almost anything in life.

"Many never get past the pain and continue the pattern or just plain quit." True, but what's your point?

"Assuming there is nothing out there." Why make an assumption about nothing?