Black People : Realistic Or Mean?

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by legit-writer, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Ok I have a question and I need a real answer. Months ago, me and a guy exchanged phone numbers with the acknowledgement that we were mutually interested in getting to know each other. After we have discussed the whole having children deal and me not wanting to have children and at first he said that is fine and that he does not want them that badly, and then after that conversation, i have not heard from him for days, and he told me he has done some thinking and said that he really wants children and he does not want to be with me and resent me later. So I said okay, and I have not heard from him since. Another few months go by and we have exchanged words online and I am guessing he lost my phone number, so he asked me for my number again so we can talk as 'friends'. I told him that we can just very well talk on messenger or facebook since we are friends on there and he said "so you don't want me to have your number" I told him that, "i honestly do not see what there is to talk about on the phone that we cant talk about online" I assured him it was nothing against him personally, because it isn't. I just do not see the point in us talking on the phone for real if we are only friends and nothing more will come out of it. Anyways, I need to know if I handled this appropriately and being realistic, or was I being mean by not giving him my phone number again?
     
  2. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    i feel that you acted appropriately. move on.
     
  3. MS234

    MS234 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    you were realistic by moving on.
     
  4. rapunzal24

    rapunzal24 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    There is nothing wrong with what you did, but I have one question. Why would you want to talk to him at all if you don't want to give him your number? What is the difference between talking online or on the phone if you are friends with someone? If it were me, I would feel like you were trying to play games, or that you really didn't want to talk to me at all. I am not saying that that is what your intentions are, but that is the perception that I would have.
     
  5. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    we barely talk as it is. i don't see the use in us talking on the phone really if it is clear that it is not going anywhere. he lost my number, like i said. and i lost his. we still talk online. it doesn't need to be more to it than that. and if you are someone who plays games, or have done so in the past, then maybe that is why you would feel i am playing games. not saying you are, but it usually takes one to know one, if you know what I mean. other than that, i have no time for games. he made things clear in the past, and i am reinforcing what he has made clear, by saying he doesn't need my number really. i have nothing to talk to him about. he sees me online and can tell me hi and i say hi back and see how each other is doing every once in a while. so with that being said, like i said, no reason for him to have my number...and i wonder really how am i playing games by not giving out my number to someone who i am not interested in and he isn't interested in me?? come on now, really? anyways, i think you are half-sleep with your response because i cannot make sense of it, and i won't even try.
     
  6. word up

    word up Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think you were realistic. Good call.
     
  7. Heartbeat

    Heartbeat Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If you don't have anything to talk about, you don't have anything to talk about on the phone, by texting, or by e-mail.
     
  8. rapunzal24

    rapunzal24 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You are absolutely correct when you say,"it usually takes one to know one". I use to be that, an insecure girl, who would do something like this. Now..... if I don't want a relationship with someone who I was interested in as a boyfriend and he changed his mind, and I decided that he wasn't worth my time, then I just say no thank you all the way around, I wouldn't say I will talk to you on the computer, but not on the phone. To me there is no difference, if you are not worth my time, then you are not worth my time, no matter where it happens.
     
  9. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    first, i have to agree with rapunzal. if he's good enough to be your friend...to talk to online...he should be good enough to talk to on the phone...especially since you had already given him your number.

    although he had given you a definitive answer on his desire for kids, he may have been having second thoughts...and wanted to get to know you better--as friends--to see if you're worthy of his foregoing the reproductive process. but obviously, you aren't interested in "just" friendship. (DO YOU KNOW WHAT A VALUABLE COMMODITY FRIENDSHIP IS? i'm just saying...) anyway, if you aren't interested in his friendship, then you shouldn't give him your number...and you should make it clear--as he did his desires--that you aren't interested in his friendship, on the phone, online, or anywhere else. wouldn't you say that that's the responsible thing to do?

    NOW, please play nice:
    that's not really nice...when you're the one asking for advice. or is it you only want to hear advice that goes along with your way of thinking...and everyone else must be deranged for having a thought. of course you can tell when people are "obviously" playing games. whether someone has played games, or not, doesn't change how your actions are interpreted.
     
  10. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    I think talking about whether you want children or not (from that specific relationship) is a lot to determine so early.

    Then to base future communication on that one point ... well ... that's a lot to me ... perhaps a bit premature.

    As far as your question goes, it's your number, and you shouldn't have to give it to anyone you don't want to give it to ... especially like a 2nd time ... please ... how raggedy is that? ... nawww ... you did good ... so long as it was what you wanted (to the degree that you can control such things).

    :heart:

    Destee
     
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