Black Relationships : RE-THINKING: The "Co-Wife."

:thinking::thinking: And most (particularly the Queens) would find a reason for it to not work. We as a people are too Europeanized for ANY communal living arrangements to become a worthy choice. Most KNEEGROS would rather we DIE as a people.:thinking:


Emphatically No!

How is not sharing a man going to mean the end of our people? Why not have a fre-for-all and no one get into solid relationships? Why not everyone just do whomever and who ever? Why not merge couples and not just bunches of women?
 
Emphatically No!

How is not sharing a man going to mean the end of our people? Why not have a fre-for-all and no one get into solid relationships? Why not everyone just do whomever and who ever? Why not merge couples and not just bunches of women?

Are you looking at this beyond the man/woman ego?
 
Queen Sistah SeekingMaat, I'm stealing that term from you. "Me-ism", I figured since you are always in my head anyway I can steal that one! Your experience is on point! That system still works here in America for native Africans and people from the Caribbean. In fact a business associate of mine got his business that way, he worked for the owner for about a year and got his own business going.

Bro. Keita, as always- you make excellent points! I also believe the majority of us are not monogamous. And I also believe if some of these Sistahs had it their way, polyandry would be back in effect. Most of us will deny these allegations of course, for moral and upright reasons, but truth is truth.

Queen Bootzey, perhaps "sharing a Man" or not sharing one, will not be the end of our people. My Queen shares your view as well, and personally I respect it, "some" Men could care less about having more than one Wife. But what about the sharing of a Father and a Provider? How many of us know Black Mothers sharing one Father between them? So what's the difference?
Black Men are practicing this regardless as Queen Seeking suggested. What's interesting, we'd rather see a Black Man go to prison for not taking care of his children, than to see him come up with a system that helps him support those children financially. Like having everyone under one roof?

All of your "why nots" are actually in practice. We hardly get into solid relationships. Some of us are doing whomever and who ever. And couples are merging too!

But it's clear that only a small few can carry out these living arrangements, the main point of the thread is that a time might come when we don't have the luxury of not having extra finances coming into the home.

A Man or Woman is never belongs 100% to any one person. A Man especially has the capacity to provide for many Women financially without those Women ever meeting the Wife. You are not only sharing your Man at that point, but your finances as well. So it's not just about who gets the penis, it's about who is getting the bank?

Queen Bootzey and others- here's a hypothetical. You are living with your Husband or boyfriend. Your best female friend loses her job and needs a place to stay for awhile. She has no one but you.

Do you move her in?
 
2_wives.jpg


Not another polygamy thread. Let's start off from a different angle here. It's possible, and some are saying "more than likely" this recession is going to get worse. If and when, the big 3 Automobile companies here in America fold, the domino effect will be historic at best. Layoffs, downsizing and job cuts will be as normal in the daily news as bombings in Iraq. We must really consider what these stress factors are doing and will continue to do in our relationships, especially within two income families.

One day the Wife or Husband comes home with a pink slip, the employment market already in dire straits, and people on unemployment are at it's all time high.

It's within this perspective, we being to understand family, and not just family but financial contributors. It's within this perspective that we being to understand the Main Wife/Queen and the Co-Wives of our earlier traditions.

Under this subject header, it's actually amazing how many of us claim to love "Black people" but would rather see Women and Men homeless, than live together in harmony under one roof.

Now, of course- this all sounds like an amazing argument for any Man wishing to petition his Woman to allow a strange Woman to move in with them. It could be, but some serious points could be made here as well. The main point, is having a house of financial contributors.

One of our very intelligent Sistahs might say, wait. Stop right there. If it's only about having extra financial contributors in the house, couldn't I just as well move a strange Man up in the house?

Technically yes, and actually in indigenous culture this is acceptable, some Women have 2-3 Husbands, all that contribute to the land and children. However in our society the Male ego factor would prevent such, unless the extra Male is already family- a younger Cousin or Nephew.

There is a female ego factor too, which is most likely why no Man in their right mind would ever create such a proposal. What we should consider however, is that the overwhelming majority of Women living below the poverty level are Black single Mothers. Could you home benefit from an extra $10-$25,000 a year?

300_234993.jpg


America's immigrants learned these lessons early. The more financial contributors you have within the home, the more stable your domestic economy. How did math that simple go over the heads of America's economic strategists?

Does it have to be a "Co-Wife" perse, perhaps not. But it's possible we will have to begin rethinking our domestic affairs right away. Families will have to start consolidating space in order to survive. Having 2 Women under one roof might be something for a Man to brag to his boys about, but the "Co-Wife" status is optional, and would never work anyway without the full approval of the Queen.

The Co-Wife is not only handy because she can work outside, but inside as well. If our Women learned how to create their own fashions, design their own hair and makeup imagine the money the household would save?

Naturally, the Co-Wife system doesn't work and would never work for all of us. But a time might come again (remember Katrina) when we will have to open up our homes to friends and family. As long as there is a well structured domestic system in place, things will run smoothly.

Also, having a Co-Wife does not means indentured servant, or sex slave. She is basically the 2nd Woman in command, assistant to the Wife. She is employed in most cases by the Wife and not the Husband. Only those who are mature enough for those domestic affairs should attempt them. But at least you won't be struggling as hard to make ends meet with extra income and help around the house.

Then again, we could always downsize as well. There are always options.

new-york-homeless.jpg

Greeting my brother...

While reading your thread...i couldn't help but smh...reason being for me catching hell form one woman is enough for any man...mush less two or more..cause I know I'm not perfect. And I really wouldn't want that headache.

But i do think that maybe having family move in is a better solution. I'd do that in the drop of a hat. And I'm doing that at this moment. It's good to have someone else to talk with. And share the household work with...for me Money is the thing..it's just giving when the need arises that counts.

Lilpea :1on1:
 
I'm trying to keep this nice for the forum. Not trying to be banned. Bare with me....

HipHoplx: No I am not looking past the man/woman ego. And why should I?

Metascience: I see your point but still I disagree with the premise. Of course I would allow my friend whether it be male or female stay with me. But it ain't no free ride. They have to financially contribute.

Lilpea: You are right on track!


What I believe is missing is the reality behind what is being asked of a woman in a polygamous relationship. The woman is asked to make all the sacrifices. It's not like these women will be living ing the lap of luxury and not working. I refuse to be in a relationship with a man where I have to work and bring money and support in the house and all I get in return is being part of some stable? Absolutely not! How is this different from being 'Turned out' and put on the stroll? You say that men are doing this anyway and I beg to differ. If a man truly is desirous of a polygamous relationships, then he needs to be the sole financial provider for his ENTIRE extended family.

Yes I know men who are not monogomous with children scattered all up and through. But I have yet to witness a man who supports his children without their mothers financially contributing.

And don't take this the wrong way. I am not knocking folks who are into this. To each his own. But I do have a problem with folks acting like I am selfish to completely disagree. Besides, there is always going to be opposition.

Add on.

Peace.
 

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