Black Relationships : RE-THINKING: The "Co-Wife."

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Metaverse, Dec 4, 2008.

  1. Metaverse

    Metaverse Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Not another polygamy thread. Let's start off from a different angle here. It's possible, and some are saying "more than likely" this recession is going to get worse. If and when, the big 3 Automobile companies here in America fold, the domino effect will be historic at best. Layoffs, downsizing and job cuts will be as normal in the daily news as bombings in Iraq. We must really consider what these stress factors are doing and will continue to do in our relationships, especially within two income families.

    One day the Wife or Husband comes home with a pink slip, the employment market already in dire straits, and people on unemployment are at it's all time high.

    It's within this perspective, we being to understand family, and not just family but financial contributors. It's within this perspective that we being to understand the Main Wife/Queen and the Co-Wives of our earlier traditions.

    Under this subject header, it's actually amazing how many of us claim to love "Black people" but would rather see Women and Men homeless, than live together in harmony under one roof.

    Now, of course- this all sounds like an amazing argument for any Man wishing to petition his Woman to allow a strange Woman to move in with them. It could be, but some serious points could be made here as well. The main point, is having a house of financial contributors.

    One of our very intelligent Sistahs might say, wait. Stop right there. If it's only about having extra financial contributors in the house, couldn't I just as well move a strange Man up in the house?

    Technically yes, and actually in indigenous culture this is acceptable, some Women have 2-3 Husbands, all that contribute to the land and children. However in our society the Male ego factor would prevent such, unless the extra Male is already family- a younger Cousin or Nephew.

    There is a female ego factor too, which is most likely why no Man in their right mind would ever create such a proposal. What we should consider however, is that the overwhelming majority of Women living below the poverty level are Black single Mothers. Could you home benefit from an extra $10-$25,000 a year?

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    America's immigrants learned these lessons early. The more financial contributors you have within the home, the more stable your domestic economy. How did math that simple go over the heads of America's economic strategists?

    Does it have to be a "Co-Wife" perse, perhaps not. But it's possible we will have to begin rethinking our domestic affairs right away. Families will have to start consolidating space in order to survive. Having 2 Women under one roof might be something for a Man to brag to his boys about, but the "Co-Wife" status is optional, and would never work anyway without the full approval of the Queen.

    The Co-Wife is not only handy because she can work outside, but inside as well. If our Women learned how to create their own fashions, design their own hair and makeup imagine the money the household would save?

    Naturally, the Co-Wife system doesn't work and would never work for all of us. But a time might come again (remember Katrina) when we will have to open up our homes to friends and family. As long as there is a well structured domestic system in place, things will run smoothly.

    Also, having a Co-Wife does not means indentured servant, or sex slave. She is basically the 2nd Woman in command, assistant to the Wife. She is employed in most cases by the Wife and not the Husband. Only those who are mature enough for those domestic affairs should attempt them. But at least you won't be struggling as hard to make ends meet with extra income and help around the house.

    Then again, we could always downsize as well. There are always options.

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  2. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    In addition to re-thinking the co-wife, people can also consider adding more families to a house hold. Pool together and purchase a large enough house or complex, and everyone within that structure help to financially support it. This is also an option to consider.

    I know one thing, when that recession hits/if it hits, everybody is gonna need to do something. We will need to work together for the best result.

    :heart:
     
  3. hiphopolx

    hiphopolx Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    A lot of ppl here in Long Island are renting their basements out but in most cases it is illegal here, unless you have a permit.

    The local govt wants that extra tax money from each family which they can't get from the renters in the basement.
     
  4. Bootzey

    Bootzey Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree with the community model, not the co-wife thing. That was what we used to do in the past. Generations of families shared common living quarters. Where my parents come from, as children left the main house, they built homes for themselves on the same property. This way, everyone was guaranteed food and child care. Once we 'integrated' we modeled the filthy habits of our oppressors and tried to do like the white man and adopted their ways and actions. That was against our nature and culture. Now our babies are lost and the white man says that we should just leave them lost and start fresh with the next generation knowing that that is impossible. Now the newest immagrants are doing what we used to and are prospering! A friend of mine is still working in the mortgage industry. Guess who now can qualify for mortages? The new immigrants!

    Ooops! I came off topic. But you get my point.
     
  5. oldiesman

    oldiesman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    haaaaaa,let me explain a simple fact of life to you...AIN'T GONNA EVER BE TWO HENS IN THE HEN HOUSE...translation-there's only one queen on the throne and she ain't sharin that power with nobody...you heard it here first.
     
  6. Bootzey

    Bootzey Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Tell em Oldiesman!
     
  7. Ionlyspeaktruth

    Ionlyspeaktruth Banned

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    Too many INSECURE people for this to work!

    :thinking::thinking: And most (particularly the Queens) would find a reason for it to not work. We as a people are too Europeanized for ANY communal living arrangements to become a worthy choice. Most KNEEGROS would rather we DIE as a people.:thinking:
     
  8. Metaverse

    Metaverse Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Very true Bro Oldiesman! Two Hens would fight! But as most of agree communal living would benefit many of us if it came down to it. Bro. Hiphopolx, the Gov't has been trying to crack down on that for awhile now. What interesting, we wouldn't have a mortgage crisis to being with if more people thought about that.

    And as Queen Bootzey suggested, our older model is the model most immigrants follow. Now we say 2 Hens can't live in a Hen house. But what if that Hen is a Sister, Aunty, Cousin or Niece? When tax time comes around, some Black folks go looking for other people's children to claim on their taxes in order to claim more exemptions and get more money. What I find interesting is that we'd do that, and not give it a thought that perhaps if we did actually house a friend or family member that wasn't working for 1 year we could still claim them on our taxes. But the people who are getting along well domestically with family, are doing something we only dream about.

    Nation building.

    If the recession gets worse, it might force us to do just that. What's even more interesting is that one day we will wake up and realize because we can't organize are people we spend more money. Take your average apartment complex for example. One building is nothing put a big house that is partitioned off for 6 families or more to live within it. That building costs the developers and owner let's say $80,000. Each family is paying $1200 a month for that 2 bedroom apartment. 6 families? That's $7,200 a month, that's $86,400 a year on 1 building. But an apartment complex usually has 5 or more buildings.

    That building pays for itself within the first year. Communal living does work, and this is why there are more developers doing apartment complexes and real estate communities. It's cheaper for them and they make more money. Now couldn't 2 or more families just as well purchase a 2 family house or building and do the same thing? A house could be duplexed for the same purpose. If privacy is an issue there are homes where everyone has their own private entrance.

    The reason why the "Co-Wife" is still so very important, is because the #1 reason why most Single Mothers can't make more money and can't go out to work to begin with is- child care. If we looked at ourselves as a Black nation, and wanted to point out reason why our national production is so slow, child care would be one of those issues. Most Immigrants don't have that problem. Because one of the "common sense" rules of Nation Building is having a plan for keeping children while the Adults work.

    The "Co-Wife" is important especially in the aspect of being a Co-Mother as well. Ask 100 Single Mothers if they'd be able to make money and get more jobs if they had someone to take care of their children at home and we could only imagine the overwhelming response.

    And while we have Mothers running out paying for daycare so they can go to a job that doesn't pay them enough to begin with, there are more than enough Mothers at home already on welfare or Gov't assistance doing nothing but taking care of 1 child?

    We fail to see how our lack of community will be the real enemy to destroy us in the long run.
     
  9. SeekingMaat

    SeekingMaat Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    One of my earliest memories is of living this communal experience. When my parents and their generation first emigrated to UK, housing and jobs were a problem if you were of Afrikan descent. There were signs saying, no Irish, no Blacks and no Dogs (Irish considered by English to be the lowest of the low). Anyhow, my parents along with many of their generation had to pool their resources to buy a home. My father, my uncle and aunt and ALL (total of 16) the children lived in one house. My aunt with 3 children was the first to move out. My uncle with 6 children followed. This was achieved by afrikans pooling their money in a PARDNER system. Every week money was given to the person running the pardner. If 20 people in the pardner you throw you money for 20 weeks. Each week a different person had the full amount of money. One weeks money equated to one hand, if you wanted to you could throw 2 hands so that you got 2 hands money when your time came. It was a very very effective system and enabled many - if not the vast majority - of Afrikans in UK buying their homes. This system is still in existence here, although not with so much frequency. I think we didnt go far enough with it for when the Asians arrived they too had a similar system. They took it one step further. They bought businesses and worked for free in that business until they were in a position to buy their own. Come here now, most corner shops are owned by a Patel (clan/family).

    Time and time again history has taught us that our progression and economic success is fruitful when we act collectively (even with families). The Me-ism of western philosophy hampers, distracts and turns our progress sluggish. We already have the solutions to some of our problems ... I feel we lack the 'willingness' to put them into effect ...

    ps - there are some men in our community who already practice a 'co-wife' scenario ..... its just that the Queen (main wife) is unaware of her existence ......

    Peace
     
  10. Keita Kenyatta

    Keita Kenyatta going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    How far have we indeed moved away from who we are? MetaSaience, the thread was on time but our European incubus won't let it happen. So what are the facts on this?

    Point # 1.
    The facts are that "polyandry", the system of a woman having more than one husband existed before "polygamy" existed, the system of a man having more than one wife.

    Point #2.The average black person in America is NOT MONOGAMOUS anyway. Brothers and sisters may not say it and I want to emphasize that this is not to say "all" but the majority. The majority are getting some extra booty on the side, both male and female. We may hold the illusion of monogamy in our minds and in our values that we fight to uphold...but in reality it ain't really working.

    Point # 3. There are those of us who would know how to handle and divinely make such a relationship work...but for the masses of us it would just be extra sex in the house. Bottom line; We still got a lot of cleansing and serious deprogramming to do and it won't happen in my lifetime or my daughters lifetime and she's just 13.

    Personally speaking I could work with either system that gets the job done...but that's just me speaking because I'm at that level and understand the bigger picture in terms of who we are on this planet.
     
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