Poetry Critiques : rant

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by carsonh, Sep 18, 2007.

  1. carsonh

    carsonh Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2007
    Messages:
    88
    Likes Received:
    18
    Occupation:
    Student, volunteer (not really a "job" i
    Location:
    Barbados, West Indies
    Ratings:
    +18
    Rant

    Hey!
    It’s me!

    Just another *****
    singing our victim’s song
    we love to sing.
    So get ready for my cliché verse.

    I’m about to lecture you
    on the greatness of Africa,
    In a pre-white Africa,
    I’ll educate you about Egypt of Africa
    in a pre-white Africa,
    sensitize you to the intellect of Africa,
    the schools of Africa,
    the mathematics of Africa,
    the languages of Africa,
    the sciences of Africa,
    the technology of Africa,
    in a pre-white Africa.
    I’ll critique for you hieroglyphs of Africa
    and tell you their story of Africa,
    in the pre-white Africa,
    And if you pay close attention,
    I’ll be like Rodney and tell you about how Europe under developed Africa.

    So let’s go back to Africa,
    all cheer for back to Africa,
    all move for back Africa,
    back to mother Africa. . .
    I’ll call my travel agent
    book us for two weeks.

    Yes I know you’ve heard it all before,
    but I’m a victim
    and I’m entitled to my. . .
    almost nostalgic,
    almost bittersweet,
    sad
    victim’s cry.
    Besides I’ve gotta story to tell
    and yes you might get slight tingles of déjà vu.

    Forward in time,
    white blankets and freezes Africa like snow,
    retarding our growth and our development
    forcing us from our homes,
    just like a blizzard.

    Seventeenth century,
    I’m a slave.
    Eighteenth century,
    I’m a slave.
    Nineteenth century,
    I’m a slave. . . . .
    for a while at least
    then I’m freed into slavery
    wait a minute. . . .
    Yea I said that right,
    Freed . . . into slavery

    Don’t pity me,
    I get out of slavery,
    but the cover of victimization is much more comfortable
    people create special funds for you,
    and it allows for me to excuse anything rash I do as retaliation
    to the oppression
    of the slave master nation…
    so. . .
    why leave slavery?

    If I leave I’ll no longer be just another ***** singing our victim song

    It’s a black man’s thing to sing,
    Write, bring to life through dance,
    Paint and drawings
    the sad story of his past
    and sometimes hint of the brightness that could be the future.
    Beautiful works in all their right,
    but it’s also a black man thing to only sing, act, dance, paint, draw and write these things
    Seldom act off the stage or off the page,
    seldom do the things to make the hints of futures bright
    into the things of the present light

    So hear my victim’s song. . .
    again
     
  2. Zulile

    Zulile Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2007
    Messages:
    3,284
    Likes Received:
    100
    Occupation:
    HR/Finance
    Ratings:
    +103
    welcome carsonh :wave:
    I'm no poet, thus seldom fit to critique/comment on it - but I really enjoyed this peice - particularily the part below:

    Fabulous! Thanks :)
    Zulile
     
  3. carsonh

    carsonh Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2007
    Messages:
    88
    Likes Received:
    18
    Occupation:
    Student, volunteer (not really a "job" i
    Location:
    Barbados, West Indies
    Ratings:
    +18
    Thank you for the foward and the welcome. I think that that is my favorite part of the piece as well..
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    welcome within nice piece on da truth of reality here tyte write
     
  5. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2003
    Messages:
    16,340
    Likes Received:
    114
    Location:
    Northeast
    Ratings:
    +122
    As long as the cry for freedom never gets put into action, then just a glorious vision it shall remain. Your work of art has a resounding voice. Great write.
     
Loading...