Poetry Critiques : rant

carsonh

Well-Known Member
REGISTERED MEMBER
Sep 1, 2007
88
18
Barbados, West Indies
Occupation
Student, volunteer (not really a "job" i
Rant

Hey!
It’s me!

Just another *****
singing our victim’s song
we love to sing.
So get ready for my cliché verse.

I’m about to lecture you
on the greatness of Africa,
In a pre-white Africa,
I’ll educate you about Egypt of Africa
in a pre-white Africa,
sensitize you to the intellect of Africa,
the schools of Africa,
the mathematics of Africa,
the languages of Africa,
the sciences of Africa,
the technology of Africa,
in a pre-white Africa.
I’ll critique for you hieroglyphs of Africa
and tell you their story of Africa,
in the pre-white Africa,
And if you pay close attention,
I’ll be like Rodney and tell you about how Europe under developed Africa.

So let’s go back to Africa,
all cheer for back to Africa,
all move for back Africa,
back to mother Africa. . .
I’ll call my travel agent
book us for two weeks.

Yes I know you’ve heard it all before,
but I’m a victim
and I’m entitled to my. . .
almost nostalgic,
almost bittersweet,
sad
victim’s cry.
Besides I’ve gotta story to tell
and yes you might get slight tingles of déjà vu.

Forward in time,
white blankets and freezes Africa like snow,
retarding our growth and our development
forcing us from our homes,
just like a blizzard.

Seventeenth century,
I’m a slave.
Eighteenth century,
I’m a slave.
Nineteenth century,
I’m a slave. . . . .
for a while at least
then I’m freed into slavery
wait a minute. . . .
Yea I said that right,
Freed . . . into slavery

Don’t pity me,
I get out of slavery,
but the cover of victimization is much more comfortable
people create special funds for you,
and it allows for me to excuse anything rash I do as retaliation
to the oppression
of the slave master nation…
so. . .
why leave slavery?

If I leave I’ll no longer be just another ***** singing our victim song

It’s a black man’s thing to sing,
Write, bring to life through dance,
Paint and drawings
the sad story of his past
and sometimes hint of the brightness that could be the future.
Beautiful works in all their right,
but it’s also a black man thing to only sing, act, dance, paint, draw and write these things
Seldom act off the stage or off the page,
seldom do the things to make the hints of futures bright
into the things of the present light

So hear my victim’s song. . .
again
 
welcome carsonh :wave:
I'm no poet, thus seldom fit to critique/comment on it - but I really enjoyed this peice - particularily the part below:

carsonh said:
Rant

Forward in time,
white blankets and freezes Africa like snow,
retarding our growth and our development
forcing us from our homes,
just like a blizzard.

Seventeenth century,
I’m a slave.
Eighteenth century,
I’m a slave.
Nineteenth century,
I’m a slave. . . . .
for a while at least
then I’m freed into slavery
wait a minute. . . .
Yea I said that right,
Freed . . . into slavery

Fabulous! Thanks :)
Zulile
 

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