Black Poetry : Ramblings of a woman who just realized she was once in love

Randee

Well-Known Member
REGISTERED MEMBER
Jul 31, 2003
607
41
Albany, NY
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These are the ramblings of a woman
who just realized she was once in love


23 and playing
2 scared cuz i know
deep down my heart heavy
when i say it ain't so
i flirt and i smile
i laugh and i tease
but when push comes to shove
good girls always leave

26 and ready
to hang like a man
so i have you and whoever
never taking a stand
denying every feeling
every flutter every thought
woman playing player
can't never get caught


she builds up her wall
she runs and she hides
theres nothing she can do
he'll hurt her in time

lying in bed
long into the morning
shades drawn
eyes squeezed shut
dying to dream
of yesterday
one more time
before the kids wake
and today begins

four years later,
can't believe its been that long
can't believe where ive been
and all that i have
and, part of me smiles sadly
silently grieving never being
with you again
i keep blaming him and
not trusting him, but i will
not allow myself to be loved
by him, all because, duh,
hes not you
there was only you
every beautiful moment im still left thinking
whereareyouiwishicouldsharethiswithyou
****, its been four years . . .
your numbers changed
so many times i don't even know how to
contact you, but your still around
like some legendary storm people talk about
years after it ripped through town
destroying everything in its path
i stopped sending short words keeping
you updated aftr i realized i . . .
sned photos and wonder if you got them
months later i would
get a random call telling me my son is gorgeous
asking about my life, laughing, reminiscing
making plans and dates
that never come because
you knew how i felt the whole time
and you never wanted that
you needed me, you didn't love me
the way it was obvious 2 everyone, but me,
that i loved you
doneanythingforyouanytimeanywhere

someone who doesn't love me but loves family
my heart never aches in his presence
my stomach never leaps into my throat
he never inspires writing or much of anything else
but you,
i hear about you
i can almost smell you if i close my eyes
and remember lying in bed at 4am
talking loud and laughing hard
pretending to be the girl that i am
and never allow myself to be
the outspoken confidant woman
i stopped being the moment you left
the moment you left
the moment i realized i loved you
i stopped being me
the me i wanted you to love
more than i loved you.


all rough rambling thoughts . . .sorry
 

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