Black Parenting : Raising the Son of a "No Good" Man

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Mar 22, 2004
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How does a mother strike the delicate balance?

The son is ten years old. The father left his wife for another woman.

Naturally the mother must avoid taking out her anger on the son. She can't present the father as your father the no good cheating lying fothermucking sleezeball. At the same time she can't cover for the man. When the boy asks why dad isn't around anymore she has to tell him the truth.

What should she say?
 
IMO.........

For one no matter the issues is/was between the two adults/party
you never stream as child against there father, as growth comes they will see
learn and understand of there father and the why.

A mother should focus on asureing that her son don't become a copy like his dad
by teaching him the true fibers and responsibilities , she should also point her anger
to the court system where she can battle him for Damages /Support and Alimony.

Next step when instilling the truth about his /child dad , she should be able to express
and make it plain or comprehensible where the child could understand his absence.

You never should bring a parent down before there child/ren
as if you turning thy child against there parent in a sense of hate, often i've seen
where it does a reverse turn around , what these broken parents need to do for the
well being and best intrest of thy child/ren is not show them this anger nor un-common
reaction but asure him they both are there for him even if they not under the same roof
let the child know that dad had to now live elsewhere and not there anymore , but he
love them and will always be there for them .
Asure them that dad will be around and this goes with understanding of the two parents
how they will care for this child beyond there break up due to one half cheating
lying and going outside the home , too often families break up bitterly beyond fixing.
 
I was raised by my mother because my father for simplicity fits this bill. The best advice I can give is for the mother to tell the truth. We saw for ourselves and was able to arrive at the point we did in spite of knowing the truth. My father has 21 kids by several women and from what I can tell,we all felt the same way about him. IMO,you can't go wrong with the truth because I've seen the fallout from lying.
 
How does a mother strike the delicate balance?

The son is ten years old. The father left his wife for another woman.

Naturally the mother must avoid taking out her anger on the son. She can't present the father as your father the no good cheating lying fothermucking sleezeball. At the same time she can't cover for the man. When the boy asks why dad isn't around anymore she has to tell him the truth.

What should she say?

As Enki mentioned above, go with the facts. There is no need to build it up with the "no good cheating lying....." just relay the facts without covering for him. Do everything possible to place the child in the presence of men who are doing the right thing and who are meeting their responsibility.

In my case, my biological was AWOL but what it made me do was to promise myself that I would NEVER have children that did not grow up under my roof. I have mentioned this here before, but I actually learned a lot about the kind of father I wanted to be from watching "Little House on the Priarie" I also had uncles who where family men whom I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time around as well as my grandfather.

So, IMO, she should tell him the truth without passing on the bitterness. She should tell him that he should determine to avoid the same mistake or selfish actions of his father. I think he will get it.
 

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