I’m beginning to hear that black women need to raise their boys the same way they raise their girls since according to some people, black women are doing better than black men in this country. However, life is set up differently for black males than it is for black females. I’m happy to say that most black girls are still getting the message that they’d better get out there and ACHIEVE—no matter what. NO EXCUSES ALLOWED!! Black women must absolutely continue to drill this message into their black girls. Fortunately, this message about achieving ALSO gets constantly spread by other black females AMONG each other and we must continue to do that too. African American females generally don’t get respect from other black females when we don’t fight back or don’t achieve or when we continue to whine or complain. In whatever station we’re at in life, we’re EXPECTED by other black females to achieve or win, somehow. Yes, black females will listen to each other vent and vent some more, but at the end, most of us expect that black female to bounce back up and keep on steppin! A typical black female tries to avoid other black females who constantly ONLY complain. Therefore, it’s difficult for a typical one of us to listen to males who constantly want to complain about how this or that ain’t right. We can listen to a grown male complain, but we want and EXPECT him to bounce back up and go out there and continue to fight and achieve too—just like we expect that from black females. Whereas excuses, complaints, blame and such are usually NOT tolerated nearly as much from black girls by many black mothers and other black women, generally speaking, all of these black women will accept excuses and such from black boys who often get stroked, patted, and pacified, when they try to shift their failure or problems in school or in life onto others. I see and hear this happening daily. Not only are many black girls not given a pass by their mother and other black females in their environment, it is the way that the message is transmitted that is so effective. In some cases, it’s the verbally brutal transmission of this message that makes it so effective. Since I talk with so many achievement oriented women in my line of work, I’ve begun to dig to find out how the message was transmitted. Imagine being told, “If you don’t get your education and learn how to take care of yourself, you’re going to spend most of your life on your knees in front of a man!” Or "You cannot depend on a man to take care of you!" However, the central message that keeps many young African American females on track towards achievement is that if they don’t achieve, they’re going to be stepped on or abused by EVERYBODY and they won’t have a choice but to accept that because NO ONE is going to rescue them. That part about not being rescued is the KEY. Most of these young girls can easily confirm the truth of this warning by looking around them in their daily lives. Many of them see black women getting short-changed or mistreated in one way or another and no one is rescuing them. ‘Seeing is Believing.’ In general, many people don’t usually have much pity for a black woman who is a victim—for whatever reason. Instead, they usually blame her for allowing herself to become a victim. Contrast that with how a typical black male victim is usually thought to be the victim of racism. Therefore, some black women (and other women too), just like his Mama will stroke, pat, and pacify him in whatever way he wants. He is thus socialized to seek out someone to pacify him whereas most African American women don't believe that they will find anyone to accept their excuses or pacify them because they haven't observed or experienced this. So we have the situation that we have today: A typical non-achieving African American male believes that he can easily find some kind of woman to pacify or rescue him, and he knows that whereas his female counterpart doesn't believe that she can find that, and she knows that too.