Poetry Critiques : Rain

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by jus_dat_nice, Oct 7, 2008.

  1. jus_dat_nice

    jus_dat_nice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    it rains
    he reighs
    so tears rain
    from my eyes
    as i sever any ties
    left between us two
    there's nothing left to do
    but end this charade

    it rains
    he reigns
    so tears rain
    on my parade
    as the screen fades
    and the credits roll, music plays
    when the movie's over no one stays
    so i'm not going to

    it rains
    he reigns
    so tears rain
    on a house that's not a home
    since i'm living next to the phone
    waiting for it's song
    so the grief can move along
    and leave me alone

    it rains
    he reigns
    so tears rain
    but they are tears of joy
    refuse to be used as a toy
    i stand and assert myself
    determined to be placed on a shelf
    and hope never to be used again​
     
  2. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The pace of this piece flowed like rain, steady and smooth. I related to the sadness, and a tired of being tired quality. Well felt poetess.
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    when it rain it pours ...i can taste the bitter sadness and felt the emotions flowin
    this joint drips like rain drops in a even pace....flow on poetess
     
  4. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hello Jus

    I like the used of the words, “reigh” and “rain”
    Its interesting because IMO sometimes
    when we become emotionally attached
    to someone we allow them reign over us, and
    then we find ourselves fighting to get out the rain.

    The blessing in it all… rain/tears can be cleansing.
    I enjoyed your piece. Thanks for sharing

    Blessingsofpeaceandlove
    Coco
     
  5. jus_dat_nice

    jus_dat_nice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thank you all for your input
     
  6. Tha-Emissary

    Tha-Emissary Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Purple Rain Purple Rain.

    I always think about Prince when I hear the rain. I think you piece critiqued itself. In all of its debut of sincerity. I love the transformation of your tears in it. At first I can fell that misty rain as you pour out your sadness. However as the poem goes on the rain becomes peaceful and perhaps you're listening to yourself. Listening to the rain and letting the pain evaporated because you say they are tears of joy. Which is very symbolic of the sun shining even when it's raining down. That alone was the perfect ending to a rainy bad hair day! A+++
     
  7. HSF Moe

    HSF Moe Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    you can hear the conflict the speaker is suffering after the break-up, or the contemplation of a break-up. i enjoyed this piece... might have even heard some universal truths about relationships in it (yeah, like some stuff i had happen to me!)
     
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