Black Poetry : Questions at 29

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by mizjoice, Jun 18, 2009.

  1. mizjoice

    mizjoice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    What happened to me?

    i'm not talking about an event,
    or something that occurred.
    i'm talking about my selfhood, diminished,
    myself, undefined,
    and starting to blur around the edges.

    When did it happen?

    When did it start to become easier
    just to let folks assume they know me...
    (well)
    than to correct them,
    firmly and persistantly,
    and retain my own personhood?

    Was it when i stopped being me
    to start being
    "Nia's mommy,"
    caretaker, nurturer,
    all those mommy-kind-of-things?

    Does motherhood conclude selfhood?

    And why does selfish feel better than selfless, anyhow?

    I used to be feisty about myself, proud.
    Maybe even arrogant.
    Defensive,
    walls up, not hurt.

    No, not hurt: then.
    Warm, Able, Strong. WAS me.

    When did the walls fall?

    why are my inabilities looming long,
    like a six-o-clock shadow?

    my life feels like bubblegum at the bottom of my shoe;
    i can't shake it loose, and every step i take
    seems to stretch it out.

    how do you recover from that?

    or is there a magical point in life
    where you realize that all you'll ever be
    is who you are, anyway?
    (except that you don't like who you are very much,
    anyhow?)

    where did i lose myself?
    i have searched every quiet place,
    only to find myself
    gone:
    vacant,
    unoccupied.

    Questions at 29.
     
  2. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    :toast: Great QUESTIONS!

    Oooh-wee. I so remember having similar questions myself but at 28.
    However, being the seasoned, wizened woman you are now, I'm sure you found the answers along the way.



    This piece made me think of the "Theme from Mahogany."

    "Do you know where you're going to?
    Do you like the things that life is showing you
    Where are you going to?
    Do you know...?

    Do you get
    What you're hoping for
    When you look behind you
    There's no open doors
    What are you hoping for?
    Do you know....[/I"
     
  3. 4EVERLUV

    4EVERLUV Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    mizjoice:
    Heart felt piece and I can surely relate.
    You are only 29, and every day you open
    your eyes is another opportunity to get
    it right. I have felt that feeling before.
    But now....Im 40 and 3/4 and I luv myself
    my son, my new grandbaby and my life.
    This to shall pass trust me. Tie a knot and
    hang on girl.

    Much Luv
     
  4. mizjoice

    mizjoice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hey Cherry Blossom, I had a lot of questions for sure enough! And I always did like the Theme from Mahogany....

    Sis 4EverLuv, thank for your comments and encouragement......however, I am 51, and like you shared, it did past!!! I mainly posted it 'cause maybe there is a sister reading, who feels the same way I felt.....like I was never gonna get the motherhood thang right.......When I wrote it, so many years ago, believe me, I was living every line of this poem........
     
  5. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Just as we see the negative, there's a positive side as well, and that is: You had questions at 29, dealt with them, and that a great thing, but there are some that never have or ask questions and leave this world never knowing what life was or could have been about.
    It shows that your questions were answered...your "Glow"forever shows.
    Wonderful piece poet :toast:!!
     
  6. mizjoice

    mizjoice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sistah QueenT, thank you for your kind words.....the answers did come...."some quickly, some slowly"........might be time to write an 'answers' poem.......
     
  7. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It's wonderful when through the years we discover being a mom changes priorities, and as the child grows, so does the mother. Change can be scary and wonderful at the same time. I would love to read an 'answers' poem from you.
     
  8. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    There is comfort in company...

    and I found some in reading your words, because 29 was working me in a similar way. I truly enjoyed reading this, it touched. Thank you.


    Feelin'itsouldeep!
    Coco:dance:
     
  9. asimplepoet

    asimplepoet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I too have questions at 29
    And they follow along the same line
    I'm not sure how the time was spent
    Or where it all even went
    But as I peer at 30 years
    I am releasing my fears
    Praying I get to where I should be
    Reaching the place of the best me
     
  10. mizjoice

    mizjoice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sis Watz, yes motherhood does change priorities, and continues to develop qualities within that I was not capable of at a younger age.

    Sis Coco, thanks for your feedback.

    Sis Poet:

    yes, how quickly the time does fly;
    yet you will see that dreams don't die.
    continue to pray,releasing your fears.
    here is something i learned about "years:"

    "30" - seemed a place of (just) survival.
    "40" - revealed a place of arrival.
    "50" - (surprise!) a place of "thrival."

    life = peace, joy, friends, and fun,
    and still the best is yet to come!
     
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