Black Poetry : Questions at 29

[mizjoice]

What happened to me?

i'm not talking about an event,
or something that occurred.
i'm talking about my selfhood, diminished,
myself, undefined,
and starting to blur around the edges.

When did it happen?

When did it start to become easier
just to let folks assume they know me...
(well)
than to correct them,
firmly and persistantly,
and retain my own personhood?

Was it when i stopped being me
to start being
"Nia's mommy,"
caretaker, nurturer,
all those mommy-kind-of-things?

Does motherhood conclude selfhood?

And why does selfish feel better than selfless, anyhow?

I used to be feisty about myself, proud.
Maybe even arrogant.
Defensive,
walls up, not hurt.

No, not hurt: then.
Warm, Able, Strong. WAS me.

When did the walls fall?

why are my inabilities looming long,
like a six-o-clock shadow?

my life feels like bubblegum at the bottom of my shoe;
i can't shake it loose, and every step i take
seems to stretch it out.

how do you recover from that?

or is there a magical point in life
where you realize that all you'll ever be
is who you are, anyway?
(except that you don't like who you are very much,
anyhow?)

where did i lose myself?
i have searched every quiet place,
only to find myself
gone:
vacant,
unoccupied.

Questions at 29.

 

[cherryblossom]

Great QUESTIONS!

Oooh-wee. I so remember having similar questions myself but at 28.
However, being the seasoned, wizened woman you are now, I'm sure you found the answers along the way.



This piece made me think of the "Theme from Mahogany."

"Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?

Do you get
What you're hoping for
When you look behind you
There's no open doors
What are you hoping for?
Do you know....[/I"

 

[4EVERLUV]

mizjoice:
Heart felt piece and I can surely relate.
You are only 29, and every day you open
your eyes is another opportunity to get
it right. I have felt that feeling before.
But now....Im 40 and 3/4 and I luv myself
my son, my new grandbaby and my life.
This to shall pass trust me. Tie a knot and
hang on girl.

Much Luv

 

[mizjoice]

Hey Cherry Blossom, I had a lot of questions for sure enough! And I always did like the Theme from Mahogany....

Sis 4EverLuv, thank for your comments and encouragement......however, I am 51, and like you shared, it did past!!! I mainly posted it 'cause maybe there is a sister reading, who feels the same way I felt.....like I was never gonna get the motherhood thang right.......When I wrote it, so many years ago, believe me, I was living every line of this poem........

 

[queentswana]

Just as we see the negative, there's a positive side as well, and that is: You had questions at 29, dealt with them, and that a great thing, but there are some that never have or ask questions and leave this world never knowing what life was or could have been about.
It shows that your questions were answered...your "Glow"forever shows.
Wonderful piece poet !!