Black Relationships : Question for women:

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Nia Maishani, Jul 11, 2002.

  1. Nia Maishani

    Nia Maishani Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You just found out your husband fathered a child by another woman during your marriage. The child is three months old. What is your course of action?
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    **** !!!! foolin round like home wasn't enough

    simple ..............kick his *** out!

    if he did it this time he will do it again !!
    don't be next to kin a second 2 another
    let the brutha go....
     
  3. startinover

    startinover Member MEMBER

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    gotta go!!
     
  4. Nia Maishani

    Nia Maishani Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    But...

    ...but what about 'for better or worse', y'all? What about if children between the two of you are involved?
     
  5. Watsy

    Watsy Member MEMBER

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    Foresaking all others.....

    What about that? Curb's callin'.
     
  6. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Hi Nia ... interesting question. Actually, I find the way you posed it more interesting than the question itself. It seems the focus is the consequence (pregnancy) of the indiscretion, rather than the indiscretion itself.

    There was a time when I would have responded like most before me (men & women's thread) and say that I'd immediately kick him to the curb, put him out, divorce him and never speak to him again. Ahhh, but I'm older now, seeing people as they are, human, prone to an occasional bad decision and error in judgment. Certainly there are some bad decisions more damaging than others, and having sex with another woman while married, would certainly rank right near the top of the list. But I think all things must be considered.

    What is the relationship like, not counting this indiscretion? Is he sincerely sorry for going outside the relationship? Has he tried to make amends? Is he a good man that simply made a bad decision? Does he love me? Do I love him? Does he deserve (based on the relationship prior to this act) another chance? Does he realize the danger he put us in, by having (obviously) unprotected sex with another person? These are just a few of the things that would contribute to my course of action.

    The fact that a child was born as a result of his act, would probably be the least of my concerns. The child is innocent and really has nothing to do with what happened.

    Many women, for ages, have stayed with their husbands in spite of their occasional lapses in fidelity. I personally have never been through this but am willing to assume, based on the fact that so many women remain in the marriage ... that there is more to it than meets the eye.

    I don't know what I'd do if in this situation.

    Great Question!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    when one cheat their no more better !!
    tyme to go gotta blow ! out she or he go
    for da worse like a curse of daRKNESS
    ya heard from da RICHNESS !!!$$$$$$$$$
     
  8. Nia Maishani

    Nia Maishani Well-Known Member MEMBER

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  9. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Good Morning All

    Knowing your man is/was unfaithful is very painful and unforgettable. Add a child to that mix.....makes it 10 times more painful...you have so many CONSTANT VISIBLE reminders. (if you remained with him)

    Nia named a few, paying for his lack of self control for 18 + years...which will probably feel more like a lifetime.

    If we have children...at some point they will have questions about the child... then I'll find myself reliving that painful period explaining... why they have a half brother/sister.

    I would not want to deprive the child of a father, after all he/she is also a victim in all this. And that would mean my husband having CONSTANT contact with the woman he (so easily)betrayed me with.... I would probably CONSTANTLY wonder if they are still sexually involved (if I remained with him) That would be too much headache and heartache.

    What it all boils down to....I can not accept an unfaithful man with or without a child involved...My opinion..if a man can not be faithful to his woman, he does not love her. unfaithfulness is a choice. My choice? Faithfully ask him to leave.


    Nia, It's nice to read you again :) I like how you separated this question between the sistahs and brothas....I think we'll receive a clearer perspective of the replies. Thanks


    CCBSKYN :heart:
     
  10. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    In response to the above Nia, I'd like to point to Mrs. Jesse Jackson. Such things have happened many times, for ages, including today. She is by far, not the only woman dealing with a like situation. We could assume that these women are weak, have low self esteem and a number of additional undesirable characteristics, for choosing to remain. But I think too, that we could tilt our view a bit and also see some extraordinary strength and resolve in them.

    Women have more often forgiven such indiscretions than men, opting to remain married. I don't know what motivates them or how they reach their decision.

    It's relatively easy to say what one would do in a hypothetical situation ... or while on the outside looking in.

    Destee
     
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