Black People : Question About Marriage

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by legit-writer, Dec 5, 2013.

  1. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I've been thinking about marriage and how it is a union. I do have a question about it though: What is the difference between being married (a good one) and being in a romantic relationship (a good one). Some people get married and can't stand each other and there are some who would never entertain the thought of marriage and the person they're in a relationship get along great and are deeply in love with one another. What can you get when you're married that you can't when you're in a romantic relationship? Can't you two be in love with one another without marriage? Is marriage really about money? Thoughts please!
     
  2. Mochalovekisses

    Mochalovekisses Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well i'm not expert but i do believe you can be in love and have a great loving and romantic relationship without marriage, but i think most ppl who want to get married just feel it will seal the deal, to have it on paper(That Marriage License) which will make it official. Some may feel its a legal way to claim a person lol. Have you ever heard someone say "you're mine i have the papers on you" ? LOL. Some want to get married just to say they did it/ have been married, and some may want to get married because its just how they picture a truly happy family or being happy. U know the husband, wife, kids, nice house etc. Not saying that makes ppl happy or makes it a happy family because you can have the marriage license, kids, house etc and still be unhappy. I'm just giving you my opinion. I do live in a fantasy world you know lol. For some it may be that when they were children thats how they saw it and themselves when they got older and it's what they want, a fantasy. I don't really think you can get anything by being married( a good one) that you can't get from being In a romantic relationship ( a good one) because even if you aren't married but you've been together for years the person is consider your common law wife. I believe thats the term. Maybe the marriage papers makes it easier to settle the financial disputes that may occur IF a divorce should ever occur. Other than my little opinion i'm like you Legit. I have know clue but i will tell you this. I do want to get married and one of the descriptions i describe up above fits me lol. I'm a sap and a hopeless romantic. Well hon thats my opinion but maybe someone with more experience in that area could better explain. Hope i helped a little lol i may just confused you even more lol. Good luck hon, wish you the best in whatever you decide papers or no papers. GOD bless you.
     
  3. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well, when people take all things which use to be applied almost exclusively to marriage and put it in a "romantic relationship"(such as sex, living together, having children, etc) then many think marriage is outdated and only about getting something(like money) out of their spouse.

    Marriage is the joining of two as one, it is a trust in each other that a "romantic relationship" just doesn't hold. It is a promise of faithfulness, of sticking it out, of being there for that one and that one above all others.

    Not saying certain relationships can't be deep, and yes, people can be in love without marriage, but for those who get it, marriage is just a whole new level of everything beneficial in the relationship, I believe.
     
  4. butterfly#1

    butterfly#1 going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Just to add to what Angela22 said....Marriage is a commitment made before God, family and friends. It is a valuable lesson to our children to see and learn how to be a husband, how to treat women, to be a father and responsibilities expected of you as you approach and become a man.

    The same for the girls in the family. Watching mother and how she takes care of the family with love and understanding, a loving wife and the responsibilities that entails.

    A marriage license in the world today means that you're part of a union/team. You are entitled to everything that this license affords. No family, friends come before you.

    This man/woman is my responsibility.

    I loved being marry,.mine was perfect with all the hardships, sickness, and other ups and downs .... its still the most rewarding experience I have ever had in my life. I learned so much.

    This is of course relating to a good/great marriage.

    I knew at the end of the day, someone would be there for and with me......loving me!
     
  5. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Both should be the same





    ..
     
  6. Asomfwaa

    Asomfwaa Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Legal Consequences.

    A marriage is a declaration that you renounced looking. I loved women--I love all of our people--but not until I was married did I get absolute tunnel vision.

    Even in my best past relationship, I still noticed other women. Now, I only look for/think of my wife.

    I say legal consequences because it's a legal union and as we know there's a criminal justice system that follows a legal (not moral) compass.

    But content-wise, a married couple is technically more devoted. Not to say you're not devoted outside of a marriage and not to say you're perfectly devoted in a marriage, but in the ideal circumstance, marriage is a larger declaration than 'I love you and want to be with you forever.'

    For instance, before I was married, I couldn't just show up at a woman's house at any hour; I couldn't go into a woman's wallet and take out any amount of money; I couldn't ask to read texts, hear background stories or nag about sex. Now that I am married, I can.

    This is not to say that some unmarried men can't do this; but realistically speaking, if he "shows up at a woman's house at any hour" he can be accused of stalking; if he "go[es] into a woman's wallet and take out any amount of money" he can be accused of stealing; if he "ask to read texts, hear background stories or nag about sex" he can be accused of being a creep, an infiltrator or a rapist!


    And even if a woman does allow all of the above without any accusations today; that doesn't mean when the relationship is sour those accusations won't return. If it isn't in writing, you'll be a criminal for loving that person without the marriage license.

    Just saying.

    Said differently, marriage makes a fuller expression of love legal.
     
  7. butterfly#1

    butterfly#1 going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    lol,
     
  8. Asomfwaa

    Asomfwaa Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It's true though.

    My wife can be anywhere in the world and I can go to where she is, go underneath the covers naked, touch her and awaken her for "recreation" and that's perfectly legal.

    If she were just my girlfriend, I run the risk of time in prison or time in a cemetery. It doesn't matter if it's the same woman. That's just straight illegal.
     
  9. Gorilla

    Gorilla Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Between the two actual people, probably no difference.

    Between them and society are where things probably get interesting. Sitting all the social implications aside, I think the most fundamental difference will be having access to lots of legal protections and protocols that could make their lives together easier with the downside of more effort to dissolve if things don't work out in the long run.
     
  10. Mochalovekisses

    Mochalovekisses Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree thats what marriage suppose to be.
     
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