Black Relationships : Problem or Not???

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Zora, Oct 16, 2004.

  1. Zora

    Zora Active Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2004
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    I'm in my thirties and have never had a boyfriend. I am not a virgin either and always had friends & lovers but never the both together. I never had a boyfriend because I always thought that when I do go for it, I'd go for it 100% and I just haven't found that available person I found worthy of it. I'm a huge romantic, but I know there will be good as well as the bad. The bad is why I figure I need to choose someone who I truly feel as if I'd be willing to experience the bad with and do the work to make it through.

    I've been celibate for a number of years now as well because the risks are too great for one, and two, I'm a lot more concerned with respecting my body. It finally hit me that if I didn't respect or even want to carry on a conversation with the guy, I shouldn't be sharing something so precious with them either.

    The problem is that I so want to date but find that if I'm dating someone, I'm thinking of it going to the next level. So therefore I can't date a guy I wouldn't want to consider spending a long time in the future with. A friend tells me that I think too much (very guilty as charged) and I just need to date and have fun.

    Do I need to just start excepting dates without thinking of where it might lead? Stop asking so many questions up front and wait until the date? What are some rules for successful dating?
     
  2. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2004
    Messages:
    1,904
    Likes Received:
    37
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Technical Analyst
    Location:
    ATL SHAWTY! Mr. Coli Park
    Ratings:
    +38
    No Zora I think your approach is good. I have the same approach and I am 25 years old and I have never had a girlfriend because of the same reasons. I think it is better to be alone and happy than to be miserable and with someone.

    If the person your dating has no interest in an LTR then I think they need to keep stepping, I am sure you will find someone who will my beauitful sister.

    There are some men out their who do believe in a long term commitment and marriage, it is just a matter of being patient and waiting on them too come.
     
  3. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2004
    Messages:
    32,009
    Likes Received:
    11,483
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    retired computer geek
    Location:
    north philly ghetto
    Ratings:
    +13,745
    why? you sound as though you don't much care for men.
     
  4. Zora

    Zora Active Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2004
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    I'd love to know what gave you that impression. Please enlighten me. I love men. My father and my uncles, cousins, some friends are men. Some of my heroes are men and one day I hope to marry a man.
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    it's not a problem at all and it's good that you value the gift
    and not get caught up in the stream line of a man web , the choice
    you made to distance self from a relationship or boyfriend is deep
    and well felt to savor ya body for the right man who you can grow and
    love and be loved by is a great choice until you fine this guy , do go out
    have a date or two but control your fate and not let the thought of lust
    or sexuality be a factor but enjoy self and maybe your true love waiting
    give self a chance but also protect self from the men who prey of sistas
    ask question as well but allow self a chance to see what the world has to
    offer he might be the date you say no too or the brutha who really feel you
    and care i love your way of handling it all , know that nothing can lead to
    anything if you don't want it and this can be said up front to that date .....
    GOODLUCK on this to be and not to be cross bow feeling .
     
  6. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2004
    Messages:
    32,009
    Likes Received:
    11,483
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    retired computer geek
    Location:
    north philly ghetto
    Ratings:
    +13,745
    if you loved men, you'd go out and get yourself one.
    requiring a man to be your perfect lifetime mate just to get a date is counter productive.
    if you're in your thirties and never had a boyfriend, it means you don't really want one.

    you seem to be playing head games, so busy contemplating your navel, you let life pass you by.
    you better get in the game before your clock runs out.
     
  7. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2002
    Messages:
    10,227
    Likes Received:
    191
    Location:
    The Diaspora
    Ratings:
    +194
    I would advise you to date Zora, if you don't actually go out and date...how will you find the one you are looking for? Mr. Right is not going to magically appear before you...you have to seek him out (or at least put yourself in a position to be seen). That isn't going to happen if you are in the kitchen, or on your couch. Dating is a selection process, it is a way to determine what you do or don't want in a man. It isn't necessary to sleep with every man (or any man) you date, but by all means enjoy yourself! While the dating process can be tedious, and in many cases disappointing, there is no reward without taking risk. Life is too short to live so cautiously! Good Luck in your search.
     
  8. Zora

    Zora Active Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2004
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    I think that this is definitely the outlook that I need to put into practice. I admitted to thinking too much at times (most times) and I just need to view dating as a selection process and get out there and do. Thanks!

    BTW, saw the friend who told me in the first place that I think to much and just needed to start dating. Told her about a guy that I was thinking of going out with and her first comment was that he wasn't good enough for me.

    Life is short and like all the risks I take in other areas of life, I need to take the risk in this one.
     
  9. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2002
    Messages:
    10,227
    Likes Received:
    191
    Location:
    The Diaspora
    Ratings:
    +194
    This guy might not be good enough for you...but that is your decision, not hers! He also might be the most wonderful man you ever met...you don't know until you give it a try! BTW, some of my wife's friends (co-workers really) thought I wasn't good enough for her, yet we have had years of happiness....her "friends" are still alone.
     
  10. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2004
    Messages:
    3,756
    Likes Received:
    34
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +34
    I think you are being safe and that's never a problem. Maybe you do need to just hang-out with guys and have fun (not specifically sex). There's nothing wrong with having someone of the opposite sex as a friend. If you feel like you want to sleep with them and you guys have an understanding about the situation...why not? If you think you'll fall too deep...maybe you should'nt. I think it's just up to you to be honest with yourself. I don't think you should have to go without sex just because you don't have a potential boyfriend/ husband. No one knows where their relationship will lead. Just because you have a boyfriend doesn't mean you're the only one. Doesn't mean your relationship is strong and secure. Doesn't mean there's a bond. It's just a label. Have fun, make sure you're being taken care of and don't worry abou a relationship. They are overrated anyways once you get one unless you're one of the lucky ones.
     
Loading...