Black Poetry : Private Service


Well-Known Member
Jul 31, 2003
Albany, NY
two decades of memories of you
serve as my private service
as they lay your body to rest
our first interaction, your voice echoes from gymnasium walls
I sprint down the the runway
into the air and into your lust;
Your voice cracked an octave
hollering about 13 year old breasts
held taut underneath the leotard I donned just for you
(the one cut much too high on the sides for the judges and my father)
in the rec room later while sucking on banana runts
you teach me to shoot pool from the side, and while my
*** rested on the bumper, your leg slide between mine,
and when you leaned in, my face burned red hot,
didn't know I could cause a dick to get hard
or that a tongue could taste so good.
Two years later, the look on your face as my father
only 5 foot 3, rips your arms from around my waist
and literally carries me away from you,
your will smith high top fade and orange shorts jump from the bleachers,
ready to come to my rescue,
but, my head nod was all you needed
I was okay I would return;

Higher education, me, prison, you,
run-ins spread through breaks and reunions,
annual thanksgiving drinking
both our lives wander in directions
not suitable and then we both settle down.
a wedding rsvp declined with appropriate china
selfishly didn't want to watch you walk down the aisle
mine returned undeliverable, forwarding address unknown
was scrawled in your writing
birth announcements respectively sent months apart
led to emails and phone calls
and then, in February of 2009
17 years, five kids and one failed marriage,
(although you argued two) later
I finally let me guard down
you told me what I wanted to hear
truth rang through your slurred words
unhappy, going through motions
and you said,
never stopped missing you
never stopped thinking about you
never stopped wondering
and that's why I let you take it
what ifs led to this and not once did
I stop to think about your wife
or my life without you
and its why I allowed you to continue
to come to my house in the shadows of lies and hide
and one night while my boys slept you crept up my stairs
holding back information you should have shared and
you tore me in two
and then you sat up in my bed, holding your head,
I remember the angle as you leaned your head back
just enough for me to move in and nuzzle your neck
I looked up, grinning ear to ear, about to tell you
your greasy head was gonna leave a spot on my white wall,
but your huge brown eyes looked down at me and
i saw it, and I knew whatever you were going to say
would tear me in two
you confided that you had cancer
and, my reaction, dismay
stopped taking calls,
stopped returning messages,
stopped trying to just be your friend when we were more
never told you I stopped because I was busy praying
blaming sin for God's sentence
thought that if you lived life amongst your family
that it would go away
thought that I was the cancer and not the answer
to your better days
and you beat it once, then I heard twice
and a chance encounter made me say
all the things I needed to
all the things I wanted to
all the things we never wanted to hear
but both already knew,
our friendship stayed on staying hard
words honest as
I know what it was he wanted
and I gave it to him,
spoke of how he gave me what I needed and
now I would do the same to him
reminded him to go home to his wife
that I was not his life, but part of his strife
yet he never made me feel that way
never a burden in anyway
continued to console me even during his worst days
developed a relationship out of a situationship
and a deep friendship followed;
and today wanting nothing more than to say goodbye
to the shell of the man who housed this person
that I loved in so many capacities
I couldn't on so many levels just say it
just lean over and whisper goodbye
when I knew in front of all I would crumble
that this secret I housed from his other worlds
would come tumbling and cause her to feel anger
when she must feel so much or nothing already
so in silence and through tears today I sit alone
reminding me that secrets are never meant to be told
and even in death decisions haunt those alive
and even though you returned faithful to her
and even though I knew my place
and even though I never wanted to replace her/be her
I am the cancer I will forever feel stole her husband
so as his body is on display,
from 300 yards and the barrier of my car
my tears fall silently, and I pray
remembering your infectious grin and
those sad eyes telling me I would be fine
no one remembers me, or prayers for me
I lost my best friend, my brother, a lover - and
when they all got to say their goodbyes
it was me who was left behind
holding onto memories of us
RIP to my J


Well-Known Member
Jan 28, 2001
the near north
StronG pEACe.

sometimes, it's hard to walk away
from what could have been
should have been
current situations we find ourselves in
when yesterday keep clouding tomorrow
with silly smiles
that wash away our sorrows
and memories for miles
of the good times we had
even when we were sad
it wasn't so bad
and every thing
getting in the way of our future
leaves me craving
for all the things we call our "use ta"
leaves me say
what i...
use ta do
use ta say
use ta laugh
use ta cry
and we don't know why
fate reunited us
but it's gotta be right's in God we trust.


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