Black Poetry : Private Service

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Randee, Dec 9, 2013.

  1. Randee

    Randee Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Jul 31, 2003
    Likes Received:
    Albany, NY
    two decades of memories of you
    serve as my private service
    as they lay your body to rest
    our first interaction, your voice echoes from gymnasium walls
    I sprint down the the runway
    into the air and into your lust;
    Your voice cracked an octave
    hollering about 13 year old breasts
    held taut underneath the leotard I donned just for you
    (the one cut much too high on the sides for the judges and my father)
    in the rec room later while sucking on banana runts
    you teach me to shoot pool from the side, and while my
    *** rested on the bumper, your leg slide between mine,
    and when you leaned in, my face burned red hot,
    didn't know I could cause a dick to get hard
    or that a tongue could taste so good.
    Two years later, the look on your face as my father
    only 5 foot 3, rips your arms from around my waist
    and literally carries me away from you,
    your will smith high top fade and orange shorts jump from the bleachers,
    ready to come to my rescue,
    but, my head nod was all you needed
    I was okay I would return;

    Higher education, me, prison, you,
    run-ins spread through breaks and reunions,
    annual thanksgiving drinking
    both our lives wander in directions
    not suitable and then we both settle down.
    a wedding rsvp declined with appropriate china
    selfishly didn't want to watch you walk down the aisle
    mine returned undeliverable, forwarding address unknown
    was scrawled in your writing
    birth announcements respectively sent months apart
    led to emails and phone calls
    and then, in February of 2009
    17 years, five kids and one failed marriage,
    (although you argued two) later
    I finally let me guard down
    you told me what I wanted to hear
    truth rang through your slurred words
    unhappy, going through motions
    and you said,
    never stopped missing you
    never stopped thinking about you
    never stopped wondering
    and that's why I let you take it
    what ifs led to this and not once did
    I stop to think about your wife
    or my life without you
    and its why I allowed you to continue
    to come to my house in the shadows of lies and hide
    and one night while my boys slept you crept up my stairs
    holding back information you should have shared and
    you tore me in two
    and then you sat up in my bed, holding your head,
    I remember the angle as you leaned your head back
    just enough for me to move in and nuzzle your neck
    I looked up, grinning ear to ear, about to tell you
    your greasy head was gonna leave a spot on my white wall,
    but your huge brown eyes looked down at me and
    i saw it, and I knew whatever you were going to say
    would tear me in two
    you confided that you had cancer
    and, my reaction, dismay
    stopped taking calls,
    stopped returning messages,
    stopped trying to just be your friend when we were more
    never told you I stopped because I was busy praying
    blaming sin for God's sentence
    thought that if you lived life amongst your family
    that it would go away
    thought that I was the cancer and not the answer
    to your better days
    and you beat it once, then I heard twice
    and a chance encounter made me say
    all the things I needed to
    all the things I wanted to
    all the things we never wanted to hear
    but both already knew,
    our friendship stayed on staying hard
    words honest as
    I know what it was he wanted
    and I gave it to him,
    spoke of how he gave me what I needed and
    now I would do the same to him
    reminded him to go home to his wife
    that I was not his life, but part of his strife
    yet he never made me feel that way
    never a burden in anyway
    continued to console me even during his worst days
    developed a relationship out of a situationship
    and a deep friendship followed;
    and today wanting nothing more than to say goodbye
    to the shell of the man who housed this person
    that I loved in so many capacities
    I couldn't on so many levels just say it
    just lean over and whisper goodbye
    when I knew in front of all I would crumble
    that this secret I housed from his other worlds
    would come tumbling and cause her to feel anger
    when she must feel so much or nothing already
    so in silence and through tears today I sit alone
    reminding me that secrets are never meant to be told
    and even in death decisions haunt those alive
    and even though you returned faithful to her
    and even though I knew my place
    and even though I never wanted to replace her/be her
    I am the cancer I will forever feel stole her husband
    so as his body is on display,
    from 300 yards and the barrier of my car
    my tears fall silently, and I pray
    remembering your infectious grin and
    those sad eyes telling me I would be fine
    no one remembers me, or prayers for me
    I lost my best friend, my brother, a lover - and
    when they all got to say their goodbyes
    it was me who was left behind
    holding onto memories of us
    RIP to my J
  2. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Jan 28, 2001
    Likes Received:
    the near north
    StronG pEACe.

    sometimes, it's hard to walk away
    from what could have been
    should have been
    current situations we find ourselves in
    when yesterday keep clouding tomorrow
    with silly smiles
    that wash away our sorrows
    and memories for miles
    of the good times we had
    even when we were sad
    it wasn't so bad
    and every thing
    getting in the way of our future
    leaves me craving
    for all the things we call our "use ta"
    leaves me say
    what i...
    use ta do
    use ta say
    use ta laugh
    use ta cry
    and we don't know why
    fate reunited us
    but it's gotta be right's in God we trust.


  3. Randee

    Randee Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Jul 31, 2003
    Likes Received:
    Albany, NY
    finding comfort in these words, Baller. Many thank yous