Black Poetry : Premonition

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by NittyGrit, Jul 1, 2011.

  1. NittyGrit

    NittyGrit Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2001
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    48
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta, Georgia
    Ratings:
    +49
    never thought
    in all her days
    that her bed of passion
    would become a grave
    she sits and wonders
    with legs wide open
    how to conquer the pain
    with no horses or trojans

    magnum sized emotions
    tempt her to cuss
    but she’s trapped in the rapture
    of a casual ****
    and if that was brazen enough
    shards of hot lust drip from his head
    drowning her in the memories
    that swim across the bed

    there they lay
    lifeless
    not only the memories
    but the man and mistress
    his sweat was cold
    against the treasure chest
    that she hoped he would cherish
    like he did her breast
    but he still hadn’t noticed
    her heart beat yet

    the arch of his back
    was the sexiest
    strong with a chocolate endlessness
    but the smoothness of his words
    had an arrogance
    that was softly textured with whispered hints
    beware of his sandpaper caress
    it is a tender prelude
    to how rough things will get

    his forehead
    was covered in foreshadows
    she was too naked
    to cover her battle
    scars
    already opened up too far
    so she stopped fighting temptation
    and let him loot her heart
    it was a sign and turn off
    how he dismantled her bra
    intuition said he’d leave her the same way
    broken apart

    he woke from his dream
    in search of a cigarette
    she felt overlooked by his neglect
    he sucked the smoke with satisfaction
    slowly becoming more
    and more unattractive
    with each pull she felt the fragments
    crumble inside her
    and fall like ashes

    she was right
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,977
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,177
    whewwww!!!! never know until you deep in the mixture what a boom !!!!
     
  3. TotalView

    TotalView Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2003
    Messages:
    1,293
    Likes Received:
    675
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    North Carolina via NY
    Ratings:
    +696
    Brother Poet NittyGrit,

    This piece hits hard. It gets right to the point. The female subject is living in the past hoping against hope that it can once again become her present but the male subject has lost all respect and love. The image of the cigarette, ashes and his thoughts of her (or lack there of) made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I love the last line. She is going through the motions but she knew the outcome. It also commanded me to re-read the poem several times. You write with such power and dare I say, "grit." I'm loving what you're posting. Thanks for sharing and please share more. (smile)
     
  4. Randee

    Randee Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2003
    Messages:
    607
    Likes Received:
    41
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Legal
    Location:
    Albany, NY
    Ratings:
    +42
    Whew...raw. "but he still hadn’t noticed
    her heart beat yet
     
Loading...
Similar Threads - Premonition
  1. NittyGrit
    Replies:
    4
    Views:
    547
  2. arthur1210
    Replies:
    3
    Views:
    618