Hi Ladies,
So...I was thinking....
And I know that this issue has been talked about in a million different contexts....but I was wondering how the ladies of Destee feel about this subject?
I know for a fact that Im a Power Suit Kinda Broad....he he he....but I also know that when I have children I am going to desire to be with them.
I am Determind to Do BOTH. Although i know it will be stressful at times....it definitly will take the support of a LOVING spouse.
so is this a question of personal opinion on ethics?
....the debate continues
Apple
Peace and Blessings Sister Sweet Apple*Pie ...
It's a blessing, i'd imagine, to have both and all options readily at one's disposal.
Unfortunately though, for me and the vast majority of Black Women i've known in my life, few have had the option of being a "Stay At Home Mom."
Not in the sense that we've seen on television, with leave it to beaver and them.
I, My Mother, Her Mother, and Her Mother ... all had to work and (help) provide for their Families.
I remember when i adopted my niece, Destiny ... my Mother had just died, and i'd been off of work for several months caring for her (of course that did not qualify for "Stay at Home Mom" status). After she passed, i adopted my niece, and took advantage of the Family Leave Act (again, as i did with my Mother's illness). They gave this time off to help with the transitioning of the adoption. I didn't really feel like i needed it, not for that, but thought it would be a good thing to do ... be off for 12 weeks ... and not have to worry about losing my job.
After the 2nd week, which was the longest i'd ever really taken off of work at one time (except for when my Mother was sick) ... that following Monday was so beautiful ... actually, it was the preceding Sunday, as i didn't have to prepare for work that Monday morning. It was great. I remember it so clearly, thinking ... this is what it must be like for those women that have the luxury of staying home with their Families, being there when the children get home from school, being able to wash clothes during the day, straighten the house a little here and a little there, have dinner prepared before the children even get home from school, see them off to school with a relaxed Spirit and smile ... it was amazing to me. I began to envy those women ... usually white women ... that had this luxury. It was something i, nor My Mother, GrandMother, or Great GrandMother, knew anything about.
I had 10 weeks left, and on that day, i asked God to give me a husband before the 10 weeks were up, so i'd never have to go back to work again ...
I really did ask God for that.
The 10 weeks passed, with no husband presenting himself, so i went back to work ... but i never forgot how wonderful it was, so freeing, so much like how it should be ... it seemed.
Soon after that, i quit my job, and started my own business (destee), so that i could be in more control of my time ...
ghetto version of a stay at home Mom, if you will ...
... hmmmm ... maybe a "
Power Suited Stay At Home Mom" ... instead ...
I often think, if i did have a husband back then, i'd probably have to fight him about me quitting my (good) job, to take such a risk. Many people thought i was krazee, for doing what i did. A Single Black Mother, with 3 babies, quitting a job ... with no other income ... please.
I still have no husband ... (or income ... lol) ... but i'm very free ... to move like i want ... and i love it.
My children are grown now (though they weren't when i quit), so if anyone goes hungry behind my decisions now ... it'll be just me.
All of this to say, ideally, you do want a loving spouse, but it doesn't require that.
Besides ... you have no control over that ... whether a man will lovingly support you (your hopes, wishes, dreams, etc.) forever.
You only have control over you, and if he's not there, will you let your dreams die, or will they get to live anyway?
Remain Forever Encouraged!
Great Topic!
Much Love and Peace.
Destee