Black Women : POWER Suit or Stay-At-Home MOM?

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by sweet apple*pie, Dec 6, 2008.

  1. sweet apple*pie

    sweet apple*pie Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi Ladies,


    So...I was thinking....

    And I know that this issue has been talked about in a million different contexts....but I was wondering how the ladies of Destee feel about this subject?


    I know for a fact that Im a Power Suit Kinda Broad....he he he....but I also know that when I have children I am going to desire to be with them.

    I am Determind to Do BOTH. Although i know it will be stressful at times....it definitly will take the support of a LOVING spouse.

    so is this a question of personal opinion on ethics?


    ....the debate continues


    :spinstar: Apple
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Peace and Blessings Sister Sweet Apple*Pie ... :love:

    It's a blessing, i'd imagine, to have both and all options readily at one's disposal.

    Unfortunately though, for me and the vast majority of Black Women i've known in my life, few have had the option of being a "Stay At Home Mom."

    Not in the sense that we've seen on television, with leave it to beaver and them.

    I, My Mother, Her Mother, and Her Mother ... all had to work and (help) provide for their Families.

    I remember when i adopted my niece, Destiny ... my Mother had just died, and i'd been off of work for several months caring for her (of course that did not qualify for "Stay at Home Mom" status). After she passed, i adopted my niece, and took advantage of the Family Leave Act (again, as i did with my Mother's illness). They gave this time off to help with the transitioning of the adoption. I didn't really feel like i needed it, not for that, but thought it would be a good thing to do ... be off for 12 weeks ... and not have to worry about losing my job.

    After the 2nd week, which was the longest i'd ever really taken off of work at one time (except for when my Mother was sick) ... that following Monday was so beautiful ... actually, it was the preceding Sunday, as i didn't have to prepare for work that Monday morning. It was great. I remember it so clearly, thinking ... this is what it must be like for those women that have the luxury of staying home with their Families, being there when the children get home from school, being able to wash clothes during the day, straighten the house a little here and a little there, have dinner prepared before the children even get home from school, see them off to school with a relaxed Spirit and smile ... it was amazing to me. I began to envy those women ... usually white women ... that had this luxury. It was something i, nor My Mother, GrandMother, or Great GrandMother, knew anything about.

    I had 10 weeks left, and on that day, i asked God to give me a husband before the 10 weeks were up, so i'd never have to go back to work again ... :lol:

    I really did ask God for that.

    The 10 weeks passed, with no husband presenting himself, so i went back to work ... but i never forgot how wonderful it was, so freeing, so much like how it should be ... it seemed.

    Soon after that, i quit my job, and started my own business (destee), so that i could be in more control of my time ... ghetto version of a stay at home Mom, if you will ... :wink: ... hmmmm ... maybe a "Power Suited Stay At Home Mom" ... instead ... :)

    I often think, if i did have a husband back then, i'd probably have to fight him about me quitting my (good) job, to take such a risk. Many people thought i was krazee, for doing what i did. A Single Black Mother, with 3 babies, quitting a job ... with no other income ... please.

    I still have no husband ... (or income ... lol) ... but i'm very free ... to move like i want ... and i love it.

    My children are grown now (though they weren't when i quit), so if anyone goes hungry behind my decisions now ... it'll be just me.

    All of this to say, ideally, you do want a loving spouse, but it doesn't require that.

    Besides ... you have no control over that ... whether a man will lovingly support you (your hopes, wishes, dreams, etc.) forever.

    You only have control over you, and if he's not there, will you let your dreams die, or will they get to live anyway?

    Remain Forever Encouraged!

    Great Topic!

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. muslimgurl

    muslimgurl Member MEMBER

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    Salaam Ladies,
    I have been afforded the oppourtunity to be a stay at home mom to my now nine month old won't stop nursing, diaper dirtying, toy breaking, all I can say is "da-da" when "ma-ma" is the only person I see little boy. I love it now but I have to say before he was born I just didn't see it in the beutiful way you just described it Ms. Destee. You imagined it being luxourios and amazing while I imagined it bieng 24 hour lock down. But I really thank Allah for my husband because I can't imagine not being the one to teach him myself and no matter how much I miss getting up and going to work(sometimes) I would not trade this time with him for anything. To answer the question I think it is a matter of opinion as well as circumstance because even those who would like to stay home as Destee pointed out can't always do it because of obligations.
    Peace
     
  4. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    mother stays with child....

    when i was married, my wife stayed at home with our child. i worked two jobs. that is the way i roll.
    when the boy was old enough to go off to school during the day she started working again.
     
  5. Jahari Kavi

    Jahari Kavi Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i would love to be able to afford my future wife taking off time from work so she can be there for the kid the first couple of years at least.....
     
  6. free2b_me

    free2b_me Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    LUCKY ME...

    IM SURE SOME OF YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE TWO UH, WHAT DO CALL THEM WHEN THEY REACH 20?? HMMM, ANYWAY, WHEN MY CHILDREN WERE BORN, I WAS BLESSED WITH THE OPPORTUNITY TO STAY HOME WITH BOTH. EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE 5 YRS APART, I WENT TO SKOOL WITH MY SECOND CHILD, WHOM NEVER TOOK A D*** BOTTLE!, BY THE WAY. I HAD TO BREASTFEED HER LITTLE SELF, LONGER THAN I'D PLANNED. IT WAS NICE BEING ABLE TO STAY HOME, BUT, IT WAS STILL A D*** JOB! IMAGINE THAT! SO, YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE MAKING SOME MONEY IF YOU GOTTA WORK ANYWAY!!! I SAY POWERSUITE!!! OR IN MY CASE, UNIFORM!! YYEEEESSSSS!!:dance1:
     
  7. sweet apple*pie

    sweet apple*pie Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I dont know what happend....but I wrote responses back...and somehow they all disapeared! And I havent the energy to re-write them at this moment, but I will gather it and come back....


    Geez! LOL
     
  8. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Mos def she would have the time off to see after the children or child while i work
    but i would still give her much time of relief when i get home and take up the baby duities
    I think if she choose to be a at home mom for a while we could work it out so that it
    won't set us back in today's time it take two to make things happen in a household
    I would love to see my future wife at home with the baby !
    I am a bread winner so i would pick up any slack.
     
  9. free2b_me

    free2b_me Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    $$RICH$$, YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, HMMM, I GOT MY ON YOU BROTHA.. WHY IS THERE ONLY ONE OF YOU AROUND?? NO TWINS OR TRIPLETS, YOU DONT WANT US TO KNOW ABOUT? I KNOW, YOU WANT THE WHOLE PIE TO YOURSELF, DONT YOU?? LOL...
     
  10. Zulile

    Zulile Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Power suit wins every time. I have/had no desire to be a stay at home mom - to do what? play with the baby all day long? ;) Gone are the days when mothers grew their own food, had to wash clothes by hand or actually perform any domestic chore without the handiness of an electronic button :lol: What the heck would one actually DO all day?

    After the children start school, mothers staying at home are in a position of luxury, not need. If maintaining your home takes all day, you got too much junk and need to declutter/simplify ;)

    my $0.02

    :heart:
     
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