Black Relationships : Polygamy options for us?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Alkebulantaazar, Aug 13, 2003.

  1. Alkebulantaazar

    Alkebulantaazar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Polygamy: An option for African-Americans?
    The high rate of imprisonment among African-American males has led to a shortage of eligible partners for black women, says Georgia State researcher Patricia Dixon, an associate professor of African-American studies. Increasing numbers of black women are finding polygamy or "mansharing" to be a viable solution to this problem, says Dixon, who has studied these arrangements as part of her research on African-American male-female relationships. Contact Dixon at 404-651-4882 or [email protected].
     
  2. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is an issue that sorely needs to be addressed. While the jury may still be out, on the question of "eligible" black men. THe perception is still there. Maybe we need to start discussing options with respect to polygamy.
     
  3. Deepa

    Deepa Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    On a personal level I'm not one who will consider polygamy.

    However, if the parties involved agree at the onset of the relationship that it is a viable option and would benefit them as partners, then it is their right to practice it.

    Some issues to address with this are:

    With the current state of our people, will polygamy be seen an important decision towards the progression of their relationship, or as an advantage for men?

    I ask this because when this discussion comes up in mainstream conversations, it always turns to comparisons in the animal kingdom and ultimately to a sexual issue rather than a relationship one. The women become defensive because it seems to represent to a number of men that its based upon domination and some unfulfilled insatiable sexual desires that perpetuate the stereotypes of them in this society.

    Economically is it feasible in this capitalistic racist society?

    We as a people are economically struggling because of our lack of monetary support of each other as well as a system built around keeping us under the thumb of those in power. The shortage of men is getting shorter and won't stop getting shorter if we "man share", because we still live in a system that caters to the control of our people, which includes using the prison system. There are also too many of our women raising children on their own with little or no help, and too many brothas having their children and money used as pawns for control by the mother's of their children. With these issues permeating our community, polygamy doesn't seem to be a good fit for healing of the family at this point and time. If one on one is hard, what would two or three on one result in?

    How would polygamous practitioners handle avoiding being prosecuted by the law?

    The only avenue I see to avoid legal ramifications is to not marry "on the books" but marry ceremonially and recognize it among the community only.

    We have to concentrate on the fact that there is a man shortage and the causes first. After practicing polygamy we'll still be in a system that is unfair and bent on moving along with its agenda and current actions. Also, as a whole we aren't a well people, we haven't healed to the extent of supporting each other as a community, recognizing our brothas and sistas worldwide, approaching our current situation without many being in apathy. To place a polygamous practice within this wouldn't act as a cure for a disease, but more like offering a bandaid for internal bleeding.

    Some of us are getting to that point, but we are the few and far between.

    We can address the idea of polygamous relationships, but make sure that you don't romanticize it to the point that the you don't see the full view of what it entails.

    Overall I say, lets enlighten awaken heal and build first.
     
  4. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Good points, I don't agree with a number of them... but good points never the less.
     
  5. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Is half a man better than no man at all? Is a woman selfish if she wants a man all to herself even though she knows that some sisters might be left without one? Can the love bond between 3 people be greater and the pain more severe than between just 2 people?

    Data. . . how do we know it's accurate? We can't even trust the numbers when people go to the voting booths so how do we know that there's an actual "shortage" of eligible Black partners for Black women?

    I realize there is data that shows a disproportionately higher number of Black men in prison than men of other races. But do we know for a fact that Black men in prison have depleted the numbers of eligible bachelors in 'free' society. These thoughts come to me now as I continue to see the perpetual cycle of negative information spread about Black people.

    But for the sake of discussion, let's assume that there is a so-called 'shortage' of eligible (healthy heterosexual) Black men compared to eligible (healthy heterosexual) Black women. Polygamy or 'man-sharing' could be an option for those not bound by strict religious doctrines or moral codes.

    Not speaking from a moral or religious perspective, what would the primary benefit of a polygamous relationship for the man (men) or woman (women) involved be? IMO, constant and consistent companionship. Fidelity might increase and relationships might last longer. It could be that 'spousal' abuse would decrease. There could become more equal distribution of responsibilities in the home and better treatment of all involved. Disadvantage? Potential jealousies and insecurities. High risks of complicated custodial issues if there was a breakdown in the relationship and children were involved, and of course, division of financial resources. Possible difficulty in making the transition from monogamy to polygamy and vice versa.

    But to me, the concept of man-sharing is one thing, polygamy is an entirely different issue. Man-sharing is a choice that affects a small group of people, whereas polygamy has legal connotations as well as social, political, economic and religious implications. Man-sharing is a glorified 3-some.

    But is it an option? For those that find it acceptable, yes. On a larger societal scale? I'm not sure.
     
  6. Deepa

    Deepa Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    In a word: Exactly.
     
  7. Alkebulantaazar

    Alkebulantaazar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks for the imput, it is good to know that so many have open minds. Not only do I speak about this way of life but personally have no problems with it.
    I belong to a group of people who practice polygamy and as I look back on the way it used to be in my own personal life and meditate upon what has transpired involving my people AIDS, HIV, STD'S mothers alone, children mistreated, et-al. Today, i am more than pleased with how my life has changed.

    Natukae na ndugu
     
  8. Pharaoh Jahil

    Pharaoh Jahil Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    From Judging some of yall views, so are yall saying that you would ever consider being in a "polygamy relationship"?


    I necessarily don't agree with it but I wont knock others for doing it.
     
  9. SwtT

    SwtT Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm with Pharoah Jah on this one.....I can't see myself sharing someone who I have taken a vow to love and honor....and share??...somethingg about that doesn't suit me ...but I won't knock you if thats your thing
     
  10. Alkebulantaazar

    Alkebulantaazar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    MY LAST WORDS

    Hello sis/brothers

    PLEASE TELL ME, WHATS WRONG WITH LOVING KNOWINGLY SHARING AND NOT HAVING TO WONDER OR LISTEN TO LIES, AS OPPOSSED TO WONDERING, POSSIBLY ACCEPTING LIES AND NOT KNOWING?

    WHEN WE TRULY LOVE ANOTHER THE QUESTION IS NEVER ABOUT SHARING BUT MORE ABOUT CARING, ACCEPTING WHAT WORKS, ACCEPTING ONES SELF AND CLAIMING OUR POWER. SHARING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LOVE BUT RATHER MORE ABOUT UNITY. FEAR IS THE OPPOSITE AND WILL NOT ALLOW SHARING BECAUSE FEAR IS ABOUT CONTROL.

    PEACE

    :heart: NATUKAE NA NDUGU (SPIRIT ENJOINS US)
     
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