Black Relationships : Polygamy: An option for you?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by stepup, Jul 14, 2004.

  1. stepup

    stepup Active Member MEMBER

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    Okay, there seems to be an abundance of topics that discuss what is wrong with the black family; for example, divorce, self-hate, AIDS, single parent families just to name a few. In light of these tragic events, I would like to ask a question to all the single black females out there…

    How many of you ladies would allow yourself to be courted by a married man who had intentions of marrying them?

    By that, I mean marry and provide, care, protect and love them for the rest of his life and before I forget his current wife supports this decision (AKA no bullet to the head :D ).

    This topic I believe is relevant since I see a variety of responses to the very popular Polygamy thread.

    Don't forget to mention why you would or why you would not.

    Thanks,
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Hello Stepup and Welcome :wave:

    I've read a few of your posts and am glad you've joined us. I see there's no need to say "make yourself at home," 'cause you've done that already! Very Good!

    To answer your question, at this point in my life, i don't think i'd let a married man court me. While i'm not against polygamy, as i do believe it is a viable option for many, i don't know enough about it, or me in it, to let a man "court me" with the intentions of marrying me, to be one of his wives. I've simply not embraced it to that degree. I think what's more likely to be acceptable for me, is a friendship with a Family ... and after i've seen and learned more up close and personal the dynamics of such a relationship ... and i liked it ... i might be able to be courted. Even then, it seems the focus would not be, he and i courting, but all of us, to some degree. I don't know what the word for that would be, but it seems the relationship between the wive(s) and myself would be more important to establish, than he and i. I have no idea. I don't personally know anyone involved in such a living arrangement. Do you?

    Great question!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. angelicsage

    angelicsage Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The whole idea just seems so primitive; I could never participate in such an arrangement. It’s enough work to get a man that is committed to only you to fulfill your every need and desire, sharing him with another woman (or women) would be a recipe for disaster.

    For me to be open to this kind of lifestyle I would have to be emotionally, psychologically, morally and ethically removed from consciousness on multiple levels; completely turned off, mechanical. I’m not an authority on the subject but I know enough to know it wouldn’t be right for someone like me.

    Interesting topic but that boat would never float; it’s riddled with holes.

    Are you aware of any African Americans that currently practice this lifestyle? If so I would love to read more about it, if there were children involved and the development of the child, particularly.
     
  4. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    i think they call this "dead" Sister Angelic :lol:

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  5. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Step-up check out Amun-Ra's thread on polygamy on his forum...it has some pretty interested views. There is also another thread on this issue on the Sister forum.
     
  6. stepup

    stepup Active Member MEMBER

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    It is very sad that we have been so brainwashed that even when something sounds logical on ALL accounts we still push it away. This society has done a perfect job on most of us. I applaud all those involved. :(

    The above is not based on this thread just based upon my experiences as a whole.


    As stated in Amun-Ra's thread, polygamy is not for a weak man. The man HAS to be able to take care of more than one household. Men (I mean REAL men) in the room know just how hard it is to take care of a family today. A man's job is to provide, protect, love and lead the family. In these times with so many elements trying to take you out it is VERY hard to accomplish these objectives with success. Now imagine that same man performing the same duties for another family too.

    The question I have is why do some get so emotional regarding a man that is taking care of both families correctly. Yet, these very same ones don't get emotional when we discuss the man playing women like checkers. Why? Because it is the norm or at least that is what is portrayed by t.v. and music. The man that sleeps around on his wife is a norm. The man who has 8 children and doesn't take care of one is a norm. The man who just lies around complaining to his mom I can't get a job is a norm. The man who just smokes blunts and jokes and dreams about being a rapper is a norm.

    I will be the first to say polygamy would be very hard in this country. The amount of ridicule would be great, yet that would not deter those who feel it to be a necessary option to save our great black family. Most will sit on their hands while we continue to bury our young mentally. Sooner or later some will stand up and finally say I WILL BE THE ONE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!


    Panafrica, thanks for the thread suggestion, I just finished reading it and it was a very good read.

    Angelicsage, why is it filled with so many holes? The children would benefit from polygamy more than we could ever imagine. Imagine 3 or more parents all raising a child. Do you realize the power that child would realize once mature?! Polygamy would be the village that would raise that child to be a MAN (KING) or WOMAN (QUEEN). The chances of that child being taken out by the system (you know the system – the one that taught us Columbus discovered America) would be slim to none.

    Destee
    No, I do not know of anyone currently practicing polygamy. And this feels like home :D
     
  7. Joyce

    Joyce Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You said: It is very sad that we have been so brainwashed that even when something sounds logical on ALL accounts we still push it away.

    Help me understand o' wise one. You asked our opinion about polygamy...

    How many of you ladies would allow yourself to be courted by a married man who had intentions of marrying them?

    Your question was respectfully answered and then you come back and tell us we're brainwashed? Oh come on now. You are not currently practicing polygamy yourself, so what does that make you?

    A man's job is to provide, protect, love and lead the family. In these times with so many elements trying to take you out it is VERY hard to accomplish these objectives with success.

    True, so why give a man 8 wives? Will this make these objectives any easier to accomplish?
     
  8. Monetary

    Monetary going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Stepup

    I guess I'll add my 2 cents to this convo. :D

    I don't choose polygamy for me. And, by the way, it's not because I ain't man enough either. :lol: I don't feel it is the solution to our problems as a people. Individual problems...maybe. For the problems our people face, I think not. Polygamy will not put a dent in racism or white supremacy.

    What problems our people have currently will be solved by partaking in polygamy? What are the benefits of being in a polygamous situation?

    I know someone who has lived has a polygamist. We have this discussion frequently. She can't convince me to save her life. :D
     
  9. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I don't think I could do the polygomy thing. I like having just one woman when I'm in a relationship. Maybe it would be cool for a little while, but then I look at it like this: Why would I want to have a group of women yelling, complaining and giving the silent treatment when one is bad enough. :nono:
    Then I have to deal with PMS x (or whatever the number of wives are). No way. :lol: On the real though, I don't see how things would be better. One good woman is enough for me. Then we can concentrate on really making eachother happy without worrying about the other 4 wives that feel neglected.....cause I would have my favorite one if I happened to do it. Plus, there will probably be issues that arise that wouldn't be there with only one mate. Everything comes with it's headaches.
     
  10. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    What is your experience with polygamy, if you don't mind sharing?

    :heart:

    Destee
     
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