Black Poetry : Poetry tips

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Onichika, Aug 11, 2004.

  1. Onichika

    Onichika Active Member MEMBER

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    Black Creek Drive
    A steady stream of sound,
    A height in the roar of many engines,
    And then slowly they drop down.
    Like a vein black creek flows

    The road stretches as far as the eye can see,
    With cars to and fro until they leave the scene.
    The pace of each transport varies.
    Like a vein black creek flows.

    Their business helpful or hurtful,
    There is too many to truly know.
    The road is their path where the only option is go.
    Like a vein black creek flows.

    Vertical sticks hover above,
    The stream is litter with these glowing bugs,
    A damp orange is what they show
    Like a vein black creek flows,

    Babylon’s road which never sleeps,
    Traveled day and night with much fuss,
    Can’t be long now before this vein busts.

    Hey can u guys give me some tips for someone just starting out. This is one of my first poems. Any advice would be appreciated thanks.
     
  2. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Welcome to destee. I think that this poem had very potent images, the road to Babylon has many travelers. Creative piece.
     
  3. gempis

    gempis Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Welcome!!!!! :coffee:

    Honey, you sound wonderful. I dig this flow. Don't know if any advice would be appropriate, because you're uniquely you and have a special voice. Just keep writing from your heart. Lookin forward to readin more.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    welcome welcome welcome !!!

    welcome to destee.com poetic playground
    welcome to the community of love & peace
    welcome from above as i bless u some love
    :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave:

    tyte drop your craft is upward and see no need to
    advised u on such coz u are gifted already flow on!
    we welcome u within da family :luvv:


    do hope you consider or decide on a membership at destee.com
    and be a supporter and enjoy all the full features & benefits offered
    as a PREMIUM MEMBER of this community look at what your missing !
    http://www.destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=26882
    :wave:
     
  5. triniti424

    triniti424 going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave:
    welcome sista welcome home :)

    I dont think you need tips..cause my mind was awanderin :huh: and I wanted to drift down black creek myself :)
    Spread the love and share your love my sista :) and again...welcome home :wave:
     
  6. deepy

    deepy Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    what wonderful imaging...and metaphors...
    wonderful first works..
    i look forward to more
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    i really like how this was done so i had to uppie it back for a hot ride
     
  8. MzBlkAngel

    MzBlkAngel Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    welcome to destee.com
    enjoyed this scribe..
    posed well...hope to read more
    from you :)
    come join us in chat sometime...
    www.destee.com/chat

    Peace
    Angel
     
  9. 1poetsought

    1poetsought Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    A Brave New World

    Blow baby, I just love everything about you!
     
  10. daroc

    daroc Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    no advice needed....
    this was such a beautiful picture on paper...
    continue to drop some more...
     
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