Black Poetry : Poems from the past to Mr. BLACKMAN

[Al D]

Thank you.
I wrote this poem a very long time ago when I dated this man, who happened to be Black. If I could make list of qualities that I wanted in a man, this person would have almost met every point except for the fact that he CHOSE not be committed to me....ONLY. He said his religion allowed him to have more than 1 wife. Plus our religions would have clashed if we did get married. He was a graduated from the best HBCU. His strength and ambition was admirable. He did not have potential...lol...he was and still is a lawyer. He is very active in the Black Community and he is a leader.

The poem is more about the mistake, I made by making and accepting him as a lover and not saving him and waiting for him to be my husband. The fatal mistake we made was to sleep with each other and than to become... basically a slave to the lust. I want to say love, but real love makes sacrifices and some times that sacrifice needs to be saying no to sex...and having a 'buddy' relationship.

So, the poem is first about what I could have done or not done to take us to the next level. Real men need for us to have these higher expectations of them. When we treat them like they are weak, then they will be weak. I made a personal vow to myself that I will not have another 'buddy' in my life. I know what I bring to a relationship and I was not going to accept anything less. So, when I met the person that is now my husband, I told him right in the beginning that he will NEVER EVER be my buddy, and if that is what he is looking for that he will have to look past me. He admired my control, stance, and discipline. He decided he wantednto court me. We got engaged and got married.

The buddy guy said....'I guess I did not move fast enough. I should have came with ring.'

Plus, personally when a person does not expect great things from me, it is insulting.

The payment piece is about the fact that when a woman sleeps with a man we can never take it back. We give them one of the most precious if not the most precious thing we can give them ever. Some of us do not know our value women. I do not condone prostitution. Lol. He could never ever pay me any amount of money that is eqivalent to letting him 'know' me in the Biblical sense.

I posted that poem to remind me where I was compared to where I am in my life with my husband.

It was my own version of my 'I am just not that into him' poem versus 'He's just not that into you.'

Relationships are a 2 way street. Both people know deep down inside the sacrifices that need to be made for each other.

The poem is not about insecurities. I did believe in being with a man I did not want to be with. I was the independent woman. My own business and good paying career in the top 5%. Highly educated. Did not sleep with men that were terrible in bed. I never was in a relationship because it was something that I had to do. There were many situations were men wanted to marry and be in relationships with me and they or that was not want I wanted at that time.

The poem is about the control that we as women have over our relationships and the men that we CLAIM we love....or care deeply for.

I understand completely and I am grateful to you for being so open and sharing that here. I will share this with my daughter!!!

 

[abstract219]

Interesting poem. I have some questions. Did you write this poem? Also, I read in another thread that you had a relationship with a Black man who was, I think you wrote, an activist or something, and now you are married to a White man, and therefore, I am wondering in regards to this poem, does it reflect too, insecurities within yourself in regards to dealing with the everyday problems that Black men face everyday? And does this poem reflect one Black man or Black men as a whole? In the poem it states,

"PLEASE FORGIVE ME!
for insulting you because
of my wisdom and strength."

My feelings in regards to "Black men" in general facing issues of today and in regards to how they respond to Black women could also be not understanding what we also need from them due to issues that we also face in this world. My strength and wisdom 'as a Black woman' comes from having to stand up for myself in the past and sometimes when faced with the Black man, or even other men, is that I too may feel that they are insulted because they may not take the time to realize how i have developed insecurities in regards to them because I feel sometimes that they have failed me[!] when I thought I needed them to be there fore me. This could be in the terms of my father, brother, or friend. yes, I can see how this poem could reflect men, in general as you wrote, but definitely a Black woman's feelings about a relationship with Black men.

And another point in the poem where it reads that 'the Black man is indebted and could never pay back', however, my question to this point would be, what about the other way around. In my experience, some Black men have placed all of their trust in the Black woman, given themselves to the Black woman but have been abandoned by the Black woman as well, and, this could be in terms of the Black woman as her role as a mother or a Black woman as a friend as well.

Thanks for sharing this poem, I think it runs deep.

Thank you, Chevron Dove for your post..thank you for your clarity, discernment....humility and compassion.

 

[Chevron Dove]

Thank you.
I wrote this poem a very long time ago when I dated this man, who happened to be Black. If I could make list of qualities that I wanted in a man, this person would have almost met every point except for the fact that he CHOSE not be committed to me....ONLY. He said his religion allowed him to have more than 1 wife. Plus our religions would have clashed if we did get married. He was a graduated from the best HBCU. His strength and ambition was admirable. He did not have potential...lol...he was and still is a lawyer. He is very active in the Black Community and he is a leader.

The poem is more about the mistake, I made by making and accepting him as a lover and not saving him and waiting for him to be my husband. The fatal mistake we made was to sleep with each other and than to become... basically a slave to the lust. I want to say love, but real love makes sacrifices and some times that sacrifice needs to be saying no to sex...and having a 'buddy' relationship.

So, the poem is first about what I could have done or not done to take us to the next level. Real men need for us to have these higher expectations of them. When we treat them like they are weak, then they will be weak. I made a personal vow to myself that I will not have another 'buddy' in my life. I know what I bring to a relationship and I was not going to accept anything less. So, when I met the person that is now my husband, I told him right in the beginning that he will NEVER EVER be my buddy, and if that is what he is looking for that he will have to look past me. He admired my control, stance, and discipline. He decided he wantednto court me. We got engaged and got married.

The buddy guy said....'I guess I did not move fast enough. I should have came with ring.'

Plus, personally when a person does not expect great things from me, it is insulting.

The payment piece is about the fact that when a woman sleeps with a man we can never take it back. We give them one of the most precious if not the most precious thing we can give them ever. Some of us do not know our value women. I do not condone prostitution. Lol. He could never ever pay me any amount of money that is eqivalent to letting him 'know' me in the Biblical sense.

I posted that poem to remind me where I was compared to where I am in my life with my husband.

It was my own version of my 'I am just not that into him' poem versus 'He's just not that into you.'

Relationships are a 2 way street. Both people know deep down inside the sacrifices that need to be made for each other.

The poem is not about insecurities. I did believe in being with a man I did not want to be with. I was the independent woman. My own business and good paying career in the top 5%. Highly educated. Did not sleep with men that were terrible in bed. I never was in a relationship because it was something that I had to do. There were many situations were men wanted to marry and be in relationships with me and they or that was not want I wanted at that time.

The poem is about the control that we as women have over our relationships and the men that we CLAIM we love....or care deeply for.

Thank you. You write beautifully. In the last paragraph you said this poem is not about insecurities and you wrote in regards to control and I do see that:

The poem is not about insecurities. I did believe in being with a man I did not want to be with. I was the independent woman. My own business and good paying career in the top 5%. Highly educated. Did not sleep with men that were terrible in bed. I never was in a relationship because it was something that I had to do. There were many situations were men wanted to marry ...The poem is about the control that we as women have over our relationships....

However, the title of the poem in regards to 'Black man' and you posting in a Black community seems to run deep in regards to another message that you are addressing. I also agree with you though about the kind of control that we woman possess when it comes to our choices in relationships. Fortunately for me, when I hear other stories of Black females being in a position in which they were raped and/or molested I am grateful that it wasn't that bad for me and hope that I can help those kind of Black women for there are many. In the past, I have chosen to engage in relationships that were awful and I felt manipulated. Now though, I've been married to my husband for 26 years, and still, I say because of being with him too[!] that all men don't come into this world perfect, whether they are Black, White, or other, but i have come to love and appreciate the positive contributions that Black men have brought to me as a Black women and to this world as a whole.

I think too, that it would be good to share with you that no, unlike you, I am not highly educated, not in the top 5% financially, and do not have a good business of my own, I did earn a B.S. degree though and was in my career, but pulled out because I didn't want my Black sons to be neglected and abused by dangerous people that had bad morals and bad views about Black men, some of them family members, and I became a Stay-at-home Mom. I didn't like how some of the Black women around my young sons were viewing them, 'negatively'. Based on the comments they made, they already determined my sons to be losers, so I left the job force and watched over my own sons and it was so hard to do, but I have no regrets. Now, my sons have both graduated from the top rated educational systems in the world, both are Engineers, both graduated at the top 5% of their graduating class, and one of them has his own business.

 

[Chevron Dove]

Thank you, Chevron Dove for your post..thank you for your clarity, discernment....humility and compassion.

You're welcome. Wow! I really do appreciate this! Thank you.

 

[Al D]

Thank you. You write beautifully. In the last paragraph you said this poem is not about insecurities and you wrote in regards to control and I do see that:



However, the title of the poem in regards to 'Black man' and you posting in a Black community seems to run deep in regards to another message that you are addressing. I also agree with you though about the kind of control that we woman possess when it comes to our choices in relationships. Fortunately for me, when I hear other stories of Black females being in a position in which they were raped and/or molested I am grateful that it wasn't that bad for me and hope that I can help those kind of Black women for there are many. In the past, I have chosen to engage in relationships that were awful and I felt manipulated. Now though, I've been married to my husband for 26 years, and still, I say because of being with him too[!] that all men don't come into this world perfect, whether they are Black, White, or other, but i have come to love and appreciate the positive contributions that Black men have brought to me as a Black women and to this world as a whole.

I think too, that it would be good to share with you that no, unlike you, I am not highly educated, not in the top 5% financially, and do not have a good business of my own, I did earn a B.S. degree though and was in my career, but pulled out because I didn't want my Black sons to be neglected and abused by dangerous people that had bad morals and bad views about Black men, some of them family members, and I became a Stay-at-home Mom. I didn't like how some of the Black women around my young sons were viewing them, 'negatively'. Based on the comments they made, they already determined my sons to be losers, so I left the job force and watched over my own sons and it was so hard to do, but I have no regrets. Now, my sons have both graduated from the top rated educational systems in the world, both are Engineers, both graduated at the top 5% of their graduating class, and one of them has his own business.

A big congratulations to both of your sons and I admire you for your tenacity, determination and commitment to their upbringing and not allowing them to be swallowed up in the abyss of negativity and generational suicide that a lot of our young fall victim to.....