Black Spirituality Religion : please help

Discussion in 'Black Spirituality / Religion - General Discussion' started by lord shorty, Mar 31, 2007.

  1. lord shorty

    lord shorty Active Member MEMBER

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    I have an interest in this because I am dealing with some schizoid delusions (or realities) involving the selling of my soul to the devil and subsequent damnation and the waiting for death so i can burn for all eternity. I am starting to learn about jung and reality tunnels as well as other form of spirituality like shamanism, egyptian meditiation, ausar auset voudon , palo, entuela kongo and lukumi and I am not sure if the voices i hear are real or not, or who they are. But I seem to have a conscious in my mind that tells me i have sold my soul and am damned and heading for hell. Sometimes he identifies himself as satan, many times he calls himself "me."

    I began to read metu neter and read about the khabit in sphere 10 and the animal spirit of man, Im still learning but I think I may have succombed to this part of my psyche...


    I have several theories as to why all this is happening. I have led up till recently a life containing a caustic family realtionship. I fought and argued with my brother and parents for many years and I am very ashamed of the evilI I have comitted verbally and in the uncontrolled use of my temper.

    I now fear it is too late since this is what the voices tell me. I initially began having enormous dread in crowds and hearing a dark male voice telling me bad things about myself. this was under the influence of marijuana. At this time my family issues were not being adequately worked on and I was struggling in college.

    Eventually, when high, the voice identified himself as the devil. One time, when high I sold him my soul and immediately knew that i was going to hell and going to burn for all time.

    A lot of this might have to do with imprinting of religious ideas and projections. The actuall beings i hear may be thought complexes or personalities from my collective unconscious that have found my ego and like to intrude on it.

    I have heard schizoid thought is a defense mechanism that is caused by stress and that this is my particular defense mechanism. I am convinced my family relationship and negative actions influenced this whole process.

    I am wondering if you understand or can offer any insight into this. And if you can point me to any authors or thinkers or philosophies that could provide assistance.



    I was wondering if this is my personal god or lower power, and is it evil and mean becauseI was evil and mean? OR is this the inner power that was in my since birth that has shaped my actions from the unconscious since birth. (I often think i am a demon, or was just born bad, and the voice often agrees that I am demonic or a bad seed)

    In public i am distraught because I think I have connections with other lost souls who are also grimly awaiting merciless punishment in hell.

    I also hear voices in public that make me think i am picking up other peoples thoughts but only if the thoughts have to do with my status as a damned soul, a person that "is finished" and that "nothing can be done for."


    Well I just wanted to see if you could offer any advice.

    thanks
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Lord Shorty ... Hello and Welcome ... :wave:

    oh my ... it seems you are going through a lot, and may need more than we can offer, though i'm sure many (like myself) will try to offer whatever help we can. I'm not aware of any experts on this, present in this community, and i'd hate for us to leave you in worse shape than you are already in. With this in mind, if you can, please take everything with a grain of salt, and do what you must to ensure your own peace of mind and safety ... okay?

    You mentioned your caustic family situation and how you regret the ugliness you've caused. My suggestion would be for you to fix that wrong, if you can. Since you acknowledge that it exists, and you were wrong in your participation in it, then go to your Brother and Family, and let them know you are sorry. Let them know you are trying to change, that you want to change, and that you want everything to be okay between you all. It could be the weight of that burden, messing with you so greatly.

    In addition, i'd leave the marijuana alone, until i got a handle on the voices and thoughts and such.

    Another source i'd suggest is your Mother. Is she still living? I'd run to her immediately, and tell her all that you're going through. Mothers are usually very loving, patient, and kind with their children ... oftentimes seeing past their errors ... to their need. Just open up and share with her, if you can.

    I don't know if any of this will work, but it's what i would try first, if i were you.

    I do wish you the very best.

    Much Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. lord shorty

    lord shorty Active Member MEMBER

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  4. Auroraflower

    Auroraflower Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    hi lord shorty :heart:.....


    welcome to this place ......

    you have called out for help..

    and that is good ..
    because in these time we have a lot of people walking around with problems,and not calling out for the help.They keep their heads up hi ..
    and say i am ok ..
    but in the mean time...


    what i can only leave you with is maybe that wich people around me wherever i will go will reject ...cause that is what satan wants he wants us to stay away from the truth...and yes he want to put you down and bring us eventualy into the gutter .....but he is a lier ...
    the father of all lies....:playball:

    cause i have good news for you:wave:



    go down on youre knees ....
    right now ,and ask the god of Abraham ,jacob isaak mozes ..
    to guide you in the prayer you are about to do.....

    but before that i need to say sumthing..


    God is our creator..
    the creator of all things ...
    he made you and he is powerfull because he is Exsistance..
    we will never see him because he ""is"' and is to great ...
    and he is verry beautifull and nice...

    because he made you...

    in the whomb of you mother ...(beautifull huh ...he knew al about you,and he has a purpose for you here ,youre not just here,and he is verry loving )


    and because he made you ...
    he gave you life ..
    beautifull huh..

    and he doesnt want you to suffer...
    and life like this ...
    he want you to walk in the light....



    so i,m going to keep it verry simpel ....

    this is what happend....




    "'For all man have sinned"' (sin leads to death , but here is the good news :wave: :heart: you can be forgiven because jezus died for us)




    that sinning happend in the biginning...

    things went wrong with mankind...

    we got more and more away from god .....wich is Love..
    a great love...





    Now than he send his son.....
    is only son...
    and he overwon sin (and satan he is under his feet)...
    by nailing it on the cross...

    he did it for us ...
    so that you and i can be safed...
    and that you can be forgiven...

    so he died on the cross but he is resurrected he now lives ...
    sitting at the right hand of the great "'i am" wich is god..
    and he send us the holy spirrit ..''compforter "" to guide you
    in the future ...and also to compfort you personaly all the way in this jurney called live...

    you will not feel alone when you have excepted him in youre life...


    so ""God so loved the world that he send his only son ...
    that everyone whom believes in him will not be lost but will have eternal life"'

    WOW......You know lord shorty when i heard this ...
    and believed this i was like ...

    MAN this is the most beautifull gift ever given to me ...(and my live changed after that and sins than SATAN HAS NO POWER OVER ME ANYMORE .....)

    and i was like wow ...i need to share this with everyone..
    and aspecially with the people who feel lost...




    so here is the prayer....


    and what you can do...
    because it is youre will ....
    you are free to choose so...


    if you want to know more about God ,Jezus christ,the holy spirrit..
    you can buy or borrow a bible...and start reading...
    and ask a brother or sister around you if they can help you study further..
    or visit a gathering of brothers and sisters .
    around youre erea...









    here is the prayer...and dont be afraid ...
    if you feel to share more with him just talk to him he listen..
    if you want to cry go ahead..just be youreself

    go on youre knees (its a form of humbleness towards the creator of youre life ,because we are just little worms)

    dear God great god almighty ....
    please guide me in this prayer...



    lord i am a sinner ..
    i admid i am a sinner

    for all man have sinned...
    and i did and do make mistakes
    even if i ment it well with people...
    i say i am a sinner....
    and i want to repent.....

    i,m sorry
    please forgive my sins


    because i need to be saved from my sin..







    dear god ..

    i believe in youre son ...
    youre son jezus christ..
    i believe he came down ...
    and died for us...

    i believe you send youre son to take the punishment of dead for my sin..






    Dear lord jesus ,i believe you died for my sin.
    i believe that i can receive you as my Savior from sin..
    and that i can become a member of youre family (the body of christ)


    come in and live in me Today...


















    that was it lord shorty...
    that is all i can give and share with you now..



    i will keep you in me prayers:heart::love:

    and dont worry everything is going to be alright if you put youre trust..
    in the one who made you....
    If you submit to god...
    stay close to and with him....
    the devil will flee ( flee means ,stay away,because when you become a child of god satan has no power over you :nono: , that is what i experiance ....i mean he tries but ,i overcome in God and Jesus Christ and the holy spirrit ,satan is under my feet)






    God bless you guidance by The great GOd of the univers




    Loveauroraflower:heart:
     
  5. lord shorty

    lord shorty Active Member MEMBER

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    This is something I feel I should write. I walked into the kitchen of my parents house and felt scared that my mom, dad and I are gonna end up in hell. I wasn’t sure why I felt this way. I mean that on one hand I’m not sure why I felt they would end up in hell. I’m not sure why I'm debating that a place called hell exists or why people should have to wonder if they will end up there. I’m also not sure why I was scared if that might be the case. Both scared that I might go there, and worried that my parents might.

    My dad I think is an atheist, or at least his position is that no one has any reason to assume any belief without proof is valid. My mother says she doesn’t doubt that Jesus may have felt he died for our sins, and she thinks he was like any great prophet who wanted to help us live consciously and lovingly. I asked her if she felt like she knew that Jesus was really her savior or if she felt she might be denying god. She said she had no way of knowing those things without taking a leap of faith and she said she couldn’t discount other religions because she thought there wasn’t only one right way. I asked her why and she said because there are other religions and we can’t discredit the rest of the world because of the politically imposed of the Christian religion. I asked her if she ever tried to test Jesus to see if he was real. She said she might have when she was younger and surrounded by the religion, but not anymore. She wont try now (As I write) she wasn’t taught to test Jesus when she was younger. (50s and early 60s small town Wisconsin) she said either you have faith or you don’t. I Said there has to be a reason people believe something. She said every culture has faith in something, and people have had faiths before Jesus. She said people with blind faith end up trying to discredit evolution and other things and that what I am doing with her is pointless.

    I said I was asking her to be honest with her feelings and she said she strives to be honest and that it doesn’t feel to be dishonest and that it isn’t helpful in relationships. So I asked her again if she ever asked Jesus if he was real and if he could come into her heart. The extent of her praying, she said, had to do with asking that if god knows what’s going on, please help me to direct my family in the best way possible so each of them can be decent people. She also asked god to please help her son find himself so he can be happy in life. I asked her whom she thought she was talking to when she prayed to god and she said I don’t know. She then said that prayer works as a sort meditation for some people and thinking about things quietly helps them figure things out.

    She says she thinks I am stuck on worrying about one right way or else hell, and that I cant think past that. And that for many of her Christian friends, prayer helps them think more lucidly or rationally about their problems.

    She asked me if she was making sense to me or if I was going to discredit it because it didn’t fit in with the way I was thinking about things at the moment (I’m terrified of hell we will try and see why later). I told her I sometimes felt that Jesus was real. In a spiritual way. I say that this means I have to see what I think about the bible, since you learn about Jesus through the bible.


    I asked her to sometimes ask Jesus if he was calling her. But she said she wasn’t really looking for it and had a lot of things going on in her life. She says that doing tai chi and learning about Taoism is very appealing to her and also tolerant of other cultures. She thinks other spiritualities will answer more of her questions for her. I asked her to still try sometimes but she said she would never have done something like that. And that she would have to be more open to that thought process in order to do something like that.




    Sometimes the minister of her father’s church says open your hearts, let him in during service. And she says that in this setting (she visits her father a few times a year) she feels to think about the things in life most important to her like her family. I asked her if she ever felt like Jesus was coming into her heart. She said that was too mysterious of a question for her. She said one can have a good feeling by thinking about problems in life and thinking clearly about them and making positive steps towards fixing problems and that is what she thinks about when she prays, and that some people attribute this feeling of clarity to god.



    I asked her if she ever thought she was feeling gods love in her heart. She said maybe when little because then she was told to label the thought as god, but she has learned to think for herself and realize that these feelings might come from a combination of things. I asked her if she felt deep down that she knew that the feeling was from Jesus. She said no. I asked her if she was sure, she said yes. Asked her if she was positive, she said I was pushing it and that she was trying to be reasonable with me.

    I asked her if she ever told god she knew she was a sinner and that she needed forgiveness or saving. Or if she ever asked god for forgiveness. She said she had needed guidance many times, and that she had problems. But she didn’t consider herself a sinner and thought that viewing people as sinners was too demeaning. I asked her if she ever felt moved by thinking about Jesus dying for her sins or forgiving her.
     
  6. lord shorty

    lord shorty Active Member MEMBER

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    I’m not really sure what’s going on with the voices I hear. I think I have thought complexes inside of me that believe in Christianity and are trying to warn me or save me. Or maybe my mind is trying to save itself or me. Maybe these are the strongest imprints all my exposure to christianity has made on my mind. maybe these are the kind of demons a free thinker gets.

    Negative voices (are sad and dark and many times downright mean or angry):

    Yes, there’s fire underneath. Its that bad, its that bad.

    You know the truth, Only Jesus can save you. There’s nothing you can do. Nothing. You deserve it.

    Why are you denying god. He’s trying to help you. You know its true. Nothing can save you.

    Your parents are heading for hell. You are damned and you know it. We are trying to help you.

    Eternal darkness. Fire! Fire! Torment. Etenral torment. You are EVIL. All are evil.

    In the end, you will burn.

    The fire wont be put out. Good luck in hell.

    You can feel jesus. You know hes real. Theres nothing you can do. you caught the spirit. you will burn, foreal.



    Positive voices (Assuming I have nothing to fear from any gods or devils)… these voices are friendlier and urgent:

    This cant be right. Keep the faith. THINK! Keep going. Keep pushing.

    Help the world, see through it. You are ok, it’s a lie. See through it, I can help you, keep thinking. You’re fine. The world needs help. Your out of your mind. Your out of it.

    You committed no blasphemy, you just questioned.

    trust us

    theres no burning, thats evil. cant you see? thats evil. "truth"

    is jesus real? its all bull****, dont you see. there are famines in the world right now. think of what we could do. snap out of it. you dont need them. escape.

    dont trust your heart, you are brainwashed. its obvious
     
  7. Auroraflower

    Auroraflower Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    dear lord shorty.....
    i just came back and i saw you wrote sumthing down...

    but i i have to leave now because my bus is going...
    so i didnt have time to read it...
    i was in the destee chatroom al the time..



    the only thing i can do for you now is pray...
    and i will pray for you ..
    i believe that thousands of angels can seround you and protect you...


    cause i said what can only to say to you....right now



    Just remind that God is love...

    positive things Light...

    a flower beautifull things ...


    a smile..

    God is love ....

    god is life

    God is good
    feels good.......



    he can bring you peace...
    and you need peace in youre mind...and heart...



    me usally i listen and try to listen to the good voice ..
    who says positive things...










    Loveauroraflower:heart:
     
  8. Auroraflower

    Auroraflower Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    and next time ...


    i will read more of youre story so that i can respond....






    but untill than you are in my prayers...






    and remember ....



    God is love...


    :hearts4:






    my little niece use to sing a song...:hearts4:


    Jezus is good the devil is bad....
    thats what i know in heart...
    haleluha halelujah..
    the lord is the onewe need...








    guidance


    Loveauroraflower:heart:
     
  9. lord shorty

    lord shorty Active Member MEMBER

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    as it is written Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

    seems to me this contradicts "I am a jealous god"

    and also negates the need to praise god. not the want but the necessity for "salvation"

    also I like to think that love is unconditional and it seems like the love from god and jesus in the bible is conditional which is why I am scared to trust it.
     
  10. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Lord Shorty ... it's such a pleasure to read you ... thanks for sharing this moment in your life, with us.

    It seems to me that your mind is rejecting those things that do not appear right to it, as it should ... i'd imagine.

    And you are giving us a glimpse of the internal struggle that sometimes ensues during these times.

    Just using the one example above ... the unconditional / conditional part ... just doesn't add up to you, and many.

    Perhaps your mind is saying there is more to God, than what is found in any one book ... while some parts of the book make sense.

    Kinda confusing ... kinda scary ... those responses seem reasonable to me.

    Especially with so much riding on getting the answer right ... if any of what we've been told is true.

    Perhaps your mind is trying to get you to look at things you know ... that are sure ... like your Mother's love.

    Maybe the voices ... is your voice ... talking louder (you think) than the rest of us hear ours.

    I be hearing voices ... i thot it was mine ... though it's never frightened me ... i mean ... unless fear was needed.

    Like ... the voice that tells me ... this is not safe ... leave now!

    I've even heard voices that tell me ugly things ... i immediately block them out. I begin thinking on the good stuff, which forces such thoughts out of my mind ... i focus intently on things like my Mother's Love for me ... something i know that is sure ... and it usually works ... and the bad thoughts leave my mind.

    Speaking of a Mother's Love ... thanks for sharing your Mother with us as well ... she sounds like a wonderfully wise woman ... one that you can have confidence in all that she says ... that's a great plus for you ... you are blessed beyond compare. Do you know how many people don't have wonderful Mothers like you? No one that they can truly recieve that unconditional kind of love that you were speaking of earlier.

    Please ... keep sharing with us ... i'm enjoying you.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
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