Black Relationships : Please help, ADVICE?!

lovedinflorida

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May 31, 2007
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Hey board, Im new im coming over from another board, and I am in desperate need of some advice: PLEASE HELP!

Its a three parter, and im getting this from the other board..this was my first post on the board when i needed advice first:

Good Afternoon everyone, I am new to the site and I just want to send a warm welcome to everyone!



I have a scenario for you all to pick at, I need some friendly advice.



I am in love. I am young and have never felt like this before!! But there are some questions that arise in my mind. Me and this man are not together, but we do engage in sexual activities and we hang out from time to time. He spends time with ME at least once a week! Which makes me love him even more. He has told me on numerous occasions that we are not together and he has no intention of being with me. He shares very little about his life and is quite moody! We are always off and on as far as us talking because of his mood swings towards me! It seems as if he only talks to me when he wants too and I am the one that mostly calls him!!! This year I popped up over his house and he let me in his home only to find another female in his home. It looked as if they were so comfortable and he kicked me out and told me to go home! While that other woman sat there. Comes to find out, they have been dating for 6 years! I decided to leave him alone and wrote him a long letter stating that as his friend I loved him and would do anything for him and how could he even have another woman in his presence?! And that I didn’t want the friendship to end. So he took me on my offer and we have been fine ever since. Yes we have had times where his moods causes us not to speak, and then I found out that that girl was living with him for a little bit, she was moving from one apt to the next and until her apt was ready she lived there (that’s when I didn’t hear from him for about 2 weeks!) Not too mention they have finances together!!! BUT finally he told me he loved me, and I love him so much!!!!! People are saying he is telling me what I want to hear but he wouldn’t say that if he didn’t mean it!!! People are saying I should have took the hint when he kicked me out instead of that girl but I don’t think anything of that!! What should I do? Please all advice is welcomed!!
 
Then after this a couple of months later I did become his girlfriend and this is what i posted:

Its been a while everyone..I wanted to update you guys, please tell me what you think, im still kind of skeptial!

So its official, I am his GIRLFRIEND!!! I put my foot downand told him that I was going to leave him alone, if he didnt give me a title and that we were going to do this together. So after two days of thinking about it, he decided to give it a try!!! So I am now officially in a relationship!

The other woman that he has been involved with for years: I snooped, I know I was wrong but I read some emails from him and the girl that he WAS involved with...The first emai I read was him telling her "he wanted to play the field and that he didnt want to hurt her bc right now he was going to cheat on her at this stage in his life, and he didnt want to do that to her. They have been having problems for the past couple of months(I think he just said that so he didnt have to deal with her anymore so he could be with me!) Her response was basically do you/she'll do her/take space..so a week later they are emailing each other again talking about the space they are taking, he was saying he loved her, and then they were talking about rebuilding their friendship so things could get stronger with them bc somehow it got lost and he kept saying things like "his heart knows, he kept talking about his feelings...*SIGH!!!*

My friend told me im being used a filler for right now until they get theire stuff straight, and that they are really based on something and trying to work things out, and that im the right now girl, not the "marriage girl" I dont think so, I thought men dont get "girlfriends" just because..

what do yall think?Help!
 
And this is whats going on now! Please help all advice please! I know im young but i am very much in love with my man!

I have been snooping and that woman is still around, like how she used too be, but he still be texting and emailing her like everyday. Ive read their emails and its like they are so emotional to each other. We don’t be talking about stuff like that. They talk all serious, and all he says to her how he never meant to hear her, how he wants their friendship to work out, how he needs them to be friends, he invited her over numerous times, told her in one email that he is not going to let her go, and some otha stuff, I could not believe it. And its mostly him begging her and telling her how he wants them to work out and how she is unlike noone else, and how she irreplaceable, and that hes trying to get his life together, why is he telling her all of his business, business that I don’t even know??????? I thought that chick was gone, I mean he is with me! I am his girlfriend! One email though was like he was telling her to go out there and do her bc he is so messed up right now and something about them in long run….he always talking future with her, telling her his problems, stuff he don’t even tell me! Im over his house EVERY NIGHT, I see my man EVERYDAY! He talks to me all the time, so whats with this chick??????! My friend again said, “you are ms. Right now, and to him she is ms. Right” and for me to leave him because all he is trying to do is occupying time with me, but I don’t think that’s the case at all!!! He tells me he loves me everyday and misses me everyday, and we went to church together numerous times!! Help!



Another incident, this woman was at his house when I came over, they were outside talking and it seemed as if they was real serious about whatever they were talking about, he told me to go upstairs bc he was handling his business, so I went, I came out thirty minutes later and they was STILL talking! He left me upstairs for an hour and some change talking to her. When he came back we ate dinner and I left it alone, he always be telling me when I start to ask questions or do something he don’t like for me to get my act together because im getting too complicated to deal with it, and he don’t need that in hislife but that he loves me, and to get my stuff together before he leaves me…my friend always tells me he does not love you, he love that other chick, you his “simple chick” to him, something to do while he trying to get right for ol girl..Help!



This is so confusing to me!



What do yall think about it? Please help me!
 
Sister Loved In Florida ... Hello and Welcome ... :wave:

Whew ... what a rollercoaster of love! ... :love:

My first question, before i can really share any suggestions, is how old are you?

It will make a little bit of difference (the "advice" i give) ... if you're 17 or 37 ... a young adult or older adult.

Tell me Sweetie ... how old are you?

:heart:

Destee
 
I am 22. Thank you so much Destee! I really need someadvice! I really dont have anyone to turn to except for my friend who i talked about...I want to know so many things...like is she right or what exactly is this? who is that chick? who am i to him? am i filler? what is a filler? SO many questions!!! Thank you Destee for taking the time to advise me!

Destee said:
Sister Loved In Florida ... Hello and Welcome ... :wave:

Whew ... what a rollercoaster of love! ... :love:

My first question, before i can really share any suggestions, is how old are you?

It will make a little bit of difference (the "advice" i give) ... if you're 17 or 37 ... a young adult or older adult.

Tell me Sweetie ... how old are you?

:heart:

Destee
 

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