Black Poetry : Planetary Blues

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Legacy21, Sep 22, 2002.

  1. Legacy21

    Legacy21 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    We were Venus and Mars
    Ascended in the heavens
    Drifting on diamond kiss stars
    Solar incantations arisen from our collision
    As we swirled in the milky way of our inspiration
    Temptation spinning our planets off their axis
    As we grooved to cosmic jazz
    Sex funk soliloquies
    Falling without the keys
    To dimensional doors
    As we swung through space
    Planets palpitating with perilous passion
    You played Mercury melodies on my spine smoothly
    Danced me on Orion’s belt
    Love lakes of my soul rising into tides of divinity
    Cause you loved me in sharps
    Nothing flat or stale
    Until
    3 Saturn seconds later
    The heavens stopped ringing with your thoughts of me
    And I was feening for another thrust of your rockets
    Into my heated atmosphere
    Withdrawal as our love song lost its luster
    Leaving my comets trailing in the wake
    Of your astral ascension
    Spiraling from the loss of our celestial coupling
    Lunar moods eclipsed the beauty of our burning sun serenade
    My Venus collided with your Mars
    Evaporating our planets into space dust
    Blowing melancholy musings across the solar system
    Where broken stars wail galactic guitar riffs
    Of tear misted memories
    Drifting to the Earth
    As the rain
    Staining the clouds
    In the shades of our planetary blues
     
  2. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    TOUCHING...a fantasized love that stands one step away from reality...waiting for the door to that other world to open. how REAL it must feel. how HARD it must be...to stand so close yet be so far away.

    *feeling you*

    loving the flow.
     
  3. Da Street So'ja

    Da Street So'ja Banned MEMBER

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    i loved this

    it started so nicely
    but fell to earth rather quickly
    don't you think 21?
    love goes that way at times
    I AM FEELING THE POET

    DSS
     
  4. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    How'd I miss this?

    Very nice peace.

    Coco :heart:
     
  5. DaFlavaFul

    DaFlavaFul Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is absolutely mind blowing!
    bravo!!
     
  6. Legendof_1_Spirit

    Legendof_1_Spirit Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    ...>floats in through the skylight>

    I really enjoyed reading this. Your use of metaphor and the wording infuses it with freshness. It reads like music, which accents the title. I also love the way you took the phrase "Women are from Venus, men are from Mars", and wove a poem full of passion. Very creative. And so deliciously tasteful without being over-done.

    My favorite part is the opening...
    "We were Venus and Mars
    Ascended in the heavens
    Drifting on diamond kiss stars
    Solar incantations arisen from our collision
    As we swirled in the milky way of our inspiration
    Temptation spinning our planets off their axis
    As we grooved to cosmic jazz
    Sex funk soliloquies
    Falling without the keys
    To dimensional doors "

    Lovely!

    <floats out through the wall<...
     
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