Black Short Stories : PIMPS NO MORE

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by AACOOLDRE, May 11, 2016.


    AACOOLDRE Well-Known Member MEMBER

    United States
    Jul 26, 2001
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    By Andre Austin

    Cast of Character:

    Cat, the landlord

    Dice Youngblood, former Pimp

    RA, Teenage rap star

    Miss Flavor, girlfriend of Dice

    Erin, Friend of flavor

    Candy, friend of flavor

    Pimp Daddy Chessnut

    Minister Jones

    FBI agent

    Probation officer



    Her behavior befits a queen

    A pure virgin lady

    With whom the evening star of night,

    Will bring to a Cat’s bed

    The best gift god could offer

    Her womb is so scared

    Its inter chamber is holy

    The holy of holies ?

    To be guarded with my life

    She shall never defile it

    She shall maintain its purest state

    Until one is worthy to touch it

    Kiss it and embrace it with pure love

    Bow down to sweet black berries

    Make him give up his moonlighting job

    No more late night creeps

    No more pimpology

    Whenever I hear her voice

    Visions of a marriage arise

    With candle lights and straw broomsticks

    With big white cakes and cold red wine

    Yes I will bring

    Beautiful maidens to sing

    The real songs of Moses

    To help tie our rings

    Her cheeks bones

    Are two mighty mountains

    She veils them with red blush

    My eyes are drunk up on them,

    Red Flush

    You don’t have to feel tied up

    Shake your corn braids free

    And allow me to feel the passion

    I’ve been yearning for my dear

    Part 2

    You are the one

    I’ve been searchin

    You’re my black dove hun

    A pure innocent virgin

    I want to take your hand

    And be your man

    I’m gonna be a man

    I will do all I can

    That means I will reform

    Go back to my ordinary life

    To all your needs I conform

    Anything will be done my wife

    No more playin

    Yes that’s what I’m sayin

    And the cat shall break the Virgin zone

    And transform into a dog so he can bone


    "You now, said Callias. ‘What are you proud of, Socrates? He lengthened his face into a very serious _expression and said, ‘my skill as a pimp’. They laughed at him. ‘You can laugh, he said, ‘but I know that I could make a great deal of money if I chose to follow the profession’.- from Xenophon "Conversations of Socrates"

    It’s Sunday morning and my two roommates just got back from the hotel from Saturday night. I hear Knocks on the door. *** I open the door I see Miss Flavor green car leave out of the driveway. Cat is inside the house on Mob Street all alone listening to SWV.

    I’m so into to you

    I don’t know what to do

    Cat: Whats up Dice

    Dice: Whats up Catster

    Cat: Nothing man. You get them panties.

    Dice: Naw did you get any panties. (Dice already knew Cat went to bed alone, and the statement was meant to be hurtful)

    Cat: Nope, not even a glimmer. (Cat talking under his breath. I knew he wasn’t going to get no panties because Miss Flavor was over here last night with her two friends claiming she was a virgin and that she was saving herself)

    RA: Yall ****** didn’t get no ***** but I got mine. I thought dice was going to get his when I heard the zipper go down.

    Cat: Close but no cigar.

    Dice: I was almost there and then she zipped it back up. Next time I’m buying some stronger drinks.

    Cat: Well the next time I send my men out hunting you guys can’t come back in unless you bring back home some trophies.

    RA: what kind of trophies you talking about.

    Cat: Panties man.

    RA: Sorry my girl doesn’t even wear thongs.

    Dice: Too bad my wears a ******* girdle.

    Cat: A nineteenth century Chastity Belt

    Dice: Ha Ha very funny Mother Fu..ker.

    Cat: Man you know I’m just playing

    Dice: I been dating this girl for three months and she hasn’t let me hit the panties yet.

    RA: Man it sounds like Dice got ***** problems.

    Cat: ****. In a minute you guys gonna be having some roof problems.

    RA: Man we told you the rent is coming.

    Cat: When… Give me a time and date.

    Dice: Before the end of the month. I’m gonna call my father tonight when I go over my moms house. I’m gonna ask him to send me some money.

    Cat: Well you wouldn’t of had these problems but you just had to quit your job. But that’s all right because when New Year come if you:

    Don’t got nothing to put in

    Then make friends with the wind

    RA: Don’t worry dog you gonna get your cheese.

    Dice: That’s cold you put us out in the streets.

    Cat: No cash

    No Pass

    No Cheese for the house

    There’s no home for a mouse

    This isn’t personal cuz. Its just good business. I got bills to pay and I depend on rents to cover it. And if you can’t cover it then I will have to find another responsible person to do that.

    Dice: Well you going out like that

    You gonna treat me like a dirty Rat ?

    But I do understand what you saying but I disagree. I guess I’m gonna just have to go back pimping.

    Cat: Well that’s your business but there’s no pimping allowed in Cat’s house. Man I thought that girl had you ***** whipped. And I thought you were whipping the *****.

    Dice: I like her a lot but I needs my money later for that honey. ****. She got me like a baby still just sucking on tits.

    RA: You gots to crawl before you walk. Friends before lovers.

    Cat: When was the time RA you stop lusting and start loving?

    RA: I’m only 16 man I wouldn’t know love if it hit me in da ***.

    Cat: I remember once upon a time Dice when you wrote a poem against Donald Goines’s

    Street Players.


    The jungle creed

    Says the strong must feed

    On any prey at hand

    So branded as beast

    Vickie sat down at feast

    And learned that her prey

    Was man.

    By Donald Goines

    Street Players 2001-2002 or,

    The Response from Dice

    By Dice Youngblood

    The new jungle is concrete

    The strong maintaining a grip on the streets

    Or else they shrink into the sand

    Players feed on shrimp

    Runaways, drug addicts get pimped

    And the Mob keeps them on the land

    Pimps what are we to do with you

    Soliciting customers for sex is what u do

    A sand box is good

    A coffin made from wood

    Cover it up with concrete

    Slaying you down from head to feet

    Then throw it into the sea

    So there will never be

    Another Pimp, Player and Hustler

    For the community to see


    Cat: Whatever happened to the man who wrote this?

    Dice: Goines was shot dead in Detroit.

    Cat: I was talking about you. I know about Goines he spent time at Jackson State Prison and he dedicated Street Players to his daughter. I was talking about you Dice.

    Dice: I guess I never had to work for love. I was always used to having dozens of girls at ringing at my door all the time. Now I’m feeling the urge to put back on my big pink hat and platform shoes.

    Cat: Now let me remind you that you’re on probation for another year and a half. You get caught slipping you going back on Cooper Street at Jackson State Prison.

    Dice: If you don’t think about getting caught you wont get caught. I fear no man but god.

    RA: But god’s prison is worser than the man’s.

    Cat: If you feared Apollo or Zeus you wouldn’t go back to Pimping.

    RA: I’m down with Apollo because I’m into music and I heard he was the God over music.


    Dice, Dice why you wanna gamble

    When your life appears to be in a scramble

    God dropped a Virgin on top your head

    And you rather be a pimp and hustler instead

    Instead of a husband to a pure wife

    Money problems the root of all this strife

    Dreams of being another Scarface, you think is cool

    He died all alone in disgrace, in his own swimming pool

    Dice: Turn that music off man. I’m not even trying to hear that **** right about now.

    Cat: Don’t you feel any guilt what so ever. You had a hooker who shot dope to keep up with the pace of her daily clients. She was high on heroin so bad she had illusions that she was a bird. She was on the tenth floor of Motel 7 and jumped out of the window. I saw her man.

    RA: I saw her too. She looked liked she jumped from an airplane without a parachute. Blood was oozing out of her nose, mouth and ears.

    Cat: DNA blood could reveal who she was because she was turnt into some sloppy Joe hamburger meat. Her blood is on your hands. Your responsible for Vonda’s death.

    Dice: I never put junk in her veins/ or put coke up her brains.

    Cat: You might as well have

    Phone Rings its Miss. Flavor

    Flavor: Whats up boo. How you doing?

    Dice: I’m all right considering the circumstances.

    Flavor: I know. Why don’t you ask Cat if I could come live with you I could help out a lot with the rent. I make at least a hundred dollars a day in tips at Danny’s restaurant.

    Dice: I will think about it.

    Flavor: Anyway I just called to holler at you.

    I’m sorry I didn’t put out

    I was raised differently,

    And that’s not what I’m all about

    Please don’t be mad at me

    Maybe there will be another time

    That’s if I can get the courage to see

    Perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be

    You see I’m saved

    And I don’t want to be clipping my wings

    I want to be your purest angel

    And all the rest of those things

    Dice: But all of my friends think I’m a wimp

    When I hung up my player’s clothes,

    And stopped being a pimp

    Flavor: When we make love

    I think we should have been alone

    Not double dating in hotels

    Hearing the other couple moan

    Dice: when can I clip those wings?

    Flavor: When can I see my ring?

    Dice: why we gotta go to those things

    Flavor: cause that’s the magic act for this Angel to sing

    But I almost gave in

    U kept pouring my drink after I said when

    I lost control couldn’t even think

    And just what did you put in that drink

    Dice: Love potion number nine

    Works wonders but not all of the time

    Flavor: Someone was looking out

    I told you that’s not what I’m about

    Someone in the sky came in between us

    I thank the lord for sending me Jesus

    Dice: next time I will add more joy juice

    So those zippers come out busting loose

    Flavor: no more hotels and drinks

    When we are together,

    The sun will always shine

    No hanging out at night at anytime

    Dice: The sun will not set on my lustful judge

    I respect your decision and I will not judge

    The sun sometimes can appear to be odd

    For it can give life or whips of rods

    I had a dream the sun burnt the face of my sin

    Flavor: Was this a wake up call for all thy sin

    Dice: All that matters is that we are together and holding hands. I want to be your man . I want you so much. Your eyes are like sweet black pearls without a mark or scratch. I will do anything for us to be together under any type of weather. When it rains we will wash our clothes together. When its hot outside I want us to be on the beach together having a water fight with all of our friends. I will never do anything to violate your trust. And whenever your ready we will let love just happen. No one can rush love. It will always happen when it happens.

    Cat: Can I use the ******* phone? **** Dice you been on the phone for more than an hour now. I have to call the unemployment office to find a job. And that’s what you lazy *** ****** supposed to be doing.

    Dice: Well I have to get off the phone. You think you can call me up later

    Flavor: Probably not because I have to work overtime and I will be totally exhausted when I get home. But I can call you in the morning.

    Dice: Okay that will be fine. Hit me up in the morning then.

    Flavor: Until then

    Dice and Ra walk upstairs into their rooms where they are making beats and writing raps. RA is making beats for a new album they are working on. Dice is editing some lyrics for their upcoming concert to be held in Flint, Michigan.

    RA: so whats yall girl talking about.

    Dice: Why she wasn’t giving me the snappy dug out.

    RA: So when you think your gonna be dancing in those bushes?


    Dice: When the wedding bells start ringing.

    RA: Are u gonna have her sing on one of your songs.

    Dice: I might we are still working on it.

    RA: So what are gonna do about Cat, the landlord. You know he’s talking about kicking us out.

    Dice: But if we don’t come up with no rent money Cat is going to kick us out and we will loose our chances to record our new songs with Virgin Records.

    RA: That’s right I did forget he’s our manger for 7 songs we signed a contract. Man we gotta get up on some money fast so that we don’t loose our future stardom.

    Dice: Yes that’s why I’m thinking about going back to pimping so we can earn the extra cheese. But if I can get Cat to allow Miss. Flavor in to help pay the rent then we will be set.

    RA: Why don’t we just go back to work?

    Dice: **** work. I’m an artist. How can I mature my raps and beats and work nine to five. I need a woman to take care of us until we can get a new hit out there.

    RA: Its gonna happen some day.

    Dice: We can’t use someday we need it today because time isn’t on our side.

    RA: Well why don’t we just ask Cat if Miss. Flavor can move in.

    (Cats knocking on Dice’s bedroom door)

    Dice: Come in

    Cat: Hey all I got is two one-dollar bills in my pocket. I’m going to the store to get some soda pop and popcorn you guys got any spare change.

    Dice: Here you go

    Cat: Thanks for the five dollars. I will be deducting this from the rent whenever I get it.

    Dice: Speaking of rent cat can we talk to you for a minute? My girlfriend Miss. Flavor wants to move in to help us all out with the rent she makes no less than $ 700 dollars a week.

    Cat: Hell naw. I’m not with all of this fornication going on in my crib. I can’t believe you had the nerve to ask me that. And just for asking me some **** like that all them tweeds yall be smoking up in here is out. No more Chronic in my house. You wanna smoke it you take your ***** outside in the cold. And I might ban all the liquor too. Cause you 20 and you is 16 u aint old enough enough.

    RA: But when we go on our concert tours around the world its legal to drink.

    Cat: I don’t give a ****. You aint living in the world you living in my world. And Uncle Sam says you gots to be 21. So listen to me before you talk yourself out.

    (Cat walks outside to the grocery store)

    Dice: *******. We trying to get out of one problem and now we can’t even smoke up in this mother.

    RA: Cat ain’t nothing but a homo. He just mad his baby mom dumped him. He ain’t been getting no ***** in the past 2 months and he don’t want Miss. Flavor switching around in the morning in just panties on and a long white shirt. I don’t think he could handle it.

    Dice: Flavor told me Cat has always been nice and courteous.

    RA: Yes but girls are funny like that. She probably doesn’t want to cause any problems between the two of you. You know she’s into keeping the family together because that how she was raised up in the church.

    Dice: Maybe so. That reminds me they both have the same zodiac signs of Aries the Ram.

    RA: And you know Aries is connected to Venus, which is associated with marriage.

    Dice: And the more people have in common the more they are likely to hook up. But hey I’m not worried because of the age difference. Flavor 20 and Cat is 30. That long ten years make them have nothing in common.

    RA: If I were you Dice I wouldn’t bring her over here anymore. I got a feeling Cat’s gonna snatch your girl like a mouse steal cheese from a mousetrap without getting caught.

    Dice: I’m not worried about it one bit.

    RA: It’s your life.

    Cause all I’m loving is Apollo Creeds

    Loving music and smoking some weeds

    (RA and Dice exchange as complex ritualistic handshake after RA dropped that line off the top of his head)

    (Cat’s talking to himself in his car while driving to the grocery store)

    Cat: I need some money

    But I don’t wanna see no honey

    That I cant touch or taste

    That would make my mind go to waste

    With all of that temptation

    A virgin is the best of all gods’ creation

    And I shall not defile it with my hands

    Cause you know a man is gonna be a man

    (Cats still driving his car and his mind goes back to Saturday night)

    Miss Flavor: Knock, knock

    Cat: Hello come in.

    Flavor: Hi is dice home

    Cat: I don’t know you can check up in his bedroom.

    Flavor: Okay I will check and see

    Cat: Have a seat young ladies

    Candy: That you

    Erin: Thanks

    Cat: So I hear you girls going to the ho-tel tonight. Yall gonna get your freak on.

    Candy: Naw, I’m just gonna go to sleep.

    Cat: yeah right

    Flavor: Naw, he ain’t up there. You mind if I can use your phone to page and call him on his celly?

    Cat: go right ahead.

    Flavor: Where here waiting on you. We got the money to get a hotel.

    Dice: Are you there alone with Cat.

    Flavor: No there’s two of my friends here. Why you scared I’m gonna do something?

    Dice: I wouldn’t dream of it.

    Flavor: Ok bye

    Cat: How come you haven’t introduced me to your friends.

    Flavor: Oh I’m sorry this is Erin and Candy and they all have boyfriends.

    Cat: Well thanks for letting me know. Save a brother from wasting his time.

    (Cat talking under his breath: Or maybe perhaps she don’t want me to get with them because she wants me?. After all why is she sitting so close to me with her head down counting her money on my all pink couch)?

    Flavor: I hope yall cleaned yourselves up before we go to the Hotel.

    (She meant cleaned their ******* out)

    Candy: Did you clean yourself?

    Flavor: I don’t have to clean myself because I’m already pure. (Then she turned her head and looked at Cat dead in his eyes and said)

    I’m a virgin. And they some hoes. (Little did flavor know Dice told him this two weeks ago)?

    Cat: But tonight’s the night

    Flavor: No. I don’t think I’m ready for all of that

    ( Everythang got silent for about 1 minute. But this was like 1 hour)

    Erin: Why everything get so quiet all of a sudden.

    (Silence was an indication that love waves were emitting between Flavor and Cat. Then Flavor broke the silence in the air when start to talk about the food, drinks and music they were going to take up to the hotel)

    Flavor: I want to buy some Chinese food.

    Cat: God **** don’t you think you eat too much. But it don’t matter cause you skinner than Olive oil from the cartoon Popeye.

    (She then waved her finger around at me)

    Flavor: Never mind him. So what music we gonna get.

    Erin: We must have some Tupac

    Flavor: I’m gonna get some SWV

    Cat: I like SWV. Especially that one song that came out a couple of years ago I’m so into you.

    (Flavor started looking at me shaking her head to interrupt the second line of the chorus

    But Cat finished it by talking it looking down at the carpet to finish the rest)

    Cat: And I don’t know what I’m gonna do.

    (Before Dice came back to the house to take all the three girls to the hotel Flavor and Cat made the most powerful eye contact ever. Cat just about shited on himself. Cat knew from that moment on he could not have this girl alone in his presence. As they started to leave Candy make a short smart alec remark to Cat)

    Candy: **** Cat you need to clean up your house

    Cat: why don’t you clean it up for me?

    Candy: For $20 dollars an hour.

    Cat: 20 dollars I could go for that. (They weren’t really talking about cleaning the house because 20 dollars is the standard price for buying sex)

    Cat: You guys have a good time and drive carefully.

    (Cat parks the car and enters the grocery store. He gets back home and begins to cook Sunday dinner. Dice left to pick up his girlfriend. Just before the Italian spaghetti is finished Dice, RA and his girlfriend. Cat opens up the door with a smile on his face towards Flavor. The smile indicates Cat appreciates that Flavor still is maintaining her virginity. Dice looks at his girl and says "Whats he smiling for". Only dumb dogs can’t pick on non-verbal cues and invisible loves waves that are emitted. Everyone gathers around the dinner)

    Cat: Please join us Miss Flavor

    Flavor: No thanks all right I already ate some Catfish over my Dad’s house.

    Cat: Too bad cause this is some fantastic stuff.

    Flavor: I have to leave in five minutes anyway. I got to go make them dollars.

    Cat: I know what you talking about. Money and love makes the world go around.

    RA: And if you could only have one which would you pick?

    Cat: Love

    Flavor: Love

    Dice: Money

    Flavor: What did you say?

    Dice: I was just playing

    Flavor: Well you don’t play with me like that.

    Dice: I said I was sorry

    Flavor: Well anyway I have to be leaving. I’m trying to work as much overtime as possible because I’m going on a church fellowship next week in Atlanta, GA

    Dice: (Dice talking under his breath) This is the perfect opportunity to set back up my pimp operations so I can get back on top of my money.

    Flavor: I will see you guys later

    Cat: Ok good-bye then.

    (Everybody gathers around the dinner table to feast)

    Dice: ******* Cat this is some good spaghetti. Where you learn to cook this?

    Cat: I picked up on it from this girl I met in Rome when I was competing in the summer 1992 Olympics there.

    RA: Is that all she taught you to do was cook.

    Cat: As a matter fact no she taught me some other tricks of the trade.

    Dice: Tricks all ways got some treats.

    Cat: I wasn’t talking about sex Dice. God **** you always got sex, sex, sex on your mind.

    RA: If you keep your head in the gutter you stay stinking. And I like to stink. But Dice you got a nice girl. Why don’t you settle down with her? Man I think she’s great.

    Dice: If she loves me she will be there always for me.

    Cat: I once read somewhere that even god’s spirit will not always dwell within man’s soul. And they say that God is love.

    Dice: I don’t care because she is strung out on me anyway.

    RA: Those strings made up of a spider’s web

    Dice: Naw I’m not cut like that G

    Cat: Speaking of cutting RA why don’t you cut us up some of that Blackberry pie I bought at the grocery store from Meijers.

    (RA brings in slices of pie)

    Cat: Thank you, thank you

    Dice: Good looking out with the pie RA

    RA: Your welcome

    Dice: Cousin Cat

    Cat: Yes

    Dice: You think that you might be able to reconsider allowing my girlfriend to move in so she can help out with the rent?

    Cat: Where the hell she gonna sleep. We only got three bedrooms. One for RA, you and then one for me?

    Dice: We can get bunk beds.

    Cat: Yeah right. I will see two beds but only one bed will be slept. See you think you slick.

    Dice: Why you judging me. You got a child out of wedlock

    Cat: That was an accident. Before that time I was something like an AC Green. But you see I was at this party man and I fell over this fly girl. We were dancing and she started rubbing her butt up against me and everything you know.

    RA: So you were freak dancing right.

    Cat: But that wasn’t all. I fell also into peer pressure where I started smoking some chronic. Now as you know chronic depending on the person can trigger an afrodiac type of reaction.

    Dice: So all of the ingredients for temptation was staring you right in the face.

    Cat: It was about three O' clock in the morning everybody left. Me and Brittany fell asleep on the couch. And the next thing I knew I woke up from my sleep feeling this type of wet liking thing all over me. It wasn’t like I initiated it. But after she got me work up I could not help but finish it. 9 months later little Akbar was born.

    RA: Biggest mistake you ever made

    Cat: My biggest accident of all time. Child support eating up my ***. And the judge is about ready to throw me in jail. Dirty diapers over and over there. But the next time I’m gonna do it right. I’m gonna buy me a diamond ring and put in my safety deposit box in the bank until I meet the one.

    RA: Sounds like a good plan. So who’s this woman?

    Cat: I don’t know her and she don’t know me but Apollo knows. Cause after we get married he is gonna sing us a song.

    Dice: Man you living in a fantasy world. All these hoes want is a bank account. You doing all of this preaching but you aint perfect.

    Cat: Well just who’s perfect. Flavor aint perfect. She ran away when she was 15. She wouldn’t obey her mother’s dress code. She was wearing earrings and make up.

    Dice: But after its all said and done she is still a virgin. And she only ran out the house because she was getting whipped for the slightest infractions. They made her strip off all her clothes and just tore her up. She couldn’t take it anymore so she got the hell out.

    Cat: Well I didn’t know all of that. I feel sorry for you but she still can’t stay here.

    Dice: What I can’t believe you Cat I thought you had a heart.

    Cat: (Cat pause for a couple of seconds looking very concerned)

    You wanna really know why I can’t let you move her in?

    Dice: Why is this?

    Cat: Now I don’t want you to get mad at me but I think I like Flavor Pie. And I don’t want to cause any static in our family because that would be disaster. If she lived in this house I would want to have her for myself. So why put myself in a situation that’s not good for all of us. Now you just gonna have to work on your raps and beats in between a regular job. Now you guys ain’t DJ Clue or Jay Z you gonna get out there and get a job.

    Dice: (Dice talking under his breath "Whatever man")

    Cat: Little RA you got the dishes tonight.

    RA: I got the dishes every night

    [5 days elapses]

    Cat: Somebody get the phone, I’m in the bathtub.

    Dice: I’ll get it. Hello

    Flavor: Hi honey I’m at the airport getting ready to fly down to Atlanta for our church fellowship. I will be back in about 10 days.

    Dice: thats Great

    Flavor: What did you say

    Dice: I said, "I cant wait".

    Flavor: Wait for what

    Dice: Wait for you to get back home.

    Flavor: Blow me a kiss goodbye

    Dice: I’m blowing (I’m blowing my pimp horn)

    (Dice hangs up the phone and calls up a former Pimp partner Pimp Daddy Chessnut)

    Chessnut: Whats up homie I haven’t heard from you and about a year. You still pimping

    Dice: I’m trying to get back into the game. I need you to front me up with five hoes, a cell phone and some clothes until I can get back on my feet.

    Chessnut: No problem man I remember you helped me out after I spent a year in jail because the man didn’t like me making all of that money and driving my big Cadillac.

    Dice: Thanks man I really appreciate you looking out for me.

    Chessnut: Come by the "Foxy Girls" bar tonight and I will introduce you to your five new hoes.

    Dice: Peace out my brother.

    (At the Foxy Girls bar)

    Chessnut: Welcome back to the world of pimping.

    Dice: I wont be in it long I just need to make some extra cash.

    Chessnut: The money will spoil you. And once you get back on your feet I don’t think that you would wanna leave the game man.

    Dice: You’ll see. I got a nice girl and I want to keep her.

    Chessnut: Speaking of girls. Allow me to introduce you to your women. Stand up ladies. From right to left we have here. Cocoa , Spectrum, Adidiva , Medea and this right here is Connie.

    Dice: Hi girls how yall doing. Ok let me run this down to you quick like because I have to be at another place at the rap studio for practice. All new clients we acquire give them my cell phone. The number is 777-93-11. I don’t want customers calling you directly because I will not be able to keep track of my money. I’m gonna have to be on the down low so all the money you make you will have to deposit in bank account. The name of the bank is NCDE credit union. The account number 7565408. Its under a false of Nevil Dolet. Have my money correct and make no mistakes. Now I have a girlfriend so never call me until the sun sets because we only hang out in the daytime.

    ( Too bad Dice didn’t know that the FBI had Chessnut under investigations. So when Dice called Chessnut his name and number was logged in their files. Everything was going nice and smooth. Dice paid off 2 months rent. He was sending out his demo tapes to Virgin records and other record labels. He was a big man riding around in a new car and with new clothes)

    At the Apartment

    Cat: Whats up dice how you doing?

    Dice: I’m doing all right

    Cat: I see you dressing sharp and got all of your rent paid up for yourself and RA. I hardly see you in the house. So what do you be doing?

    Dice: Recording at the studio. Its time consuming.

    Cat: Your girlfriend called she said she’s back from Atlanta?

    Dice: Ok cool. Ok thanks I will give her a call right away.

    Cat: I’m cooking Neck bones and cornbread tonight you want some.

    Dice. Naw, I think I’m gonna take my girl out to the movies and go see Dracula.

    RA: Can I go dog.

    Dice: Naw. I need some of that one on one **** because I haven’t seen her in two weeks.

    RA: All right then have a good time.

    Dice: I intend to.

    (Dice calling his girl on the phone)

    Flavor: Hi Dice how you doing. I called you earlier.

    Dice: I know Cat told me. Hey listen you wanna go to the movies tonight Dracula is showing.

    Flavor: Well normally I don’t go out at night but since its to the movies I will make an exception.

    Dice: That’s great I will pick you up at ten.

    Flavor: Don’t be late. You know how you be having me wait all the time.

    Dice: Ok.

    (At the movies)

    Dice: here have a seat. You want some popcorn.

    Flavor: Yes please.

    Dice: I will be right back.

    (Theater commercial)

    Dice: I’m back. My homeboy said Omar Epps is playing a good role in this movie.

    Flavor: Well I just hope its good.

    (After 1 hour into the movie Dice gets up to use the bathroom)

    Dice: I will be back in a second I have to use the restroom I will be right back.

    Flavor: Ok be quiet I’m trying to hear what they are saying.

    (While Dice was using the can his cell phone starting ringing in his coat pocket he left in his chair)

    Flavor: Jesus. I can’t even hear what Epps is talking about. I don’t Dice will mind me answering his phone. Hello who is this?

    Kenneth: This Kenneth where’s Dice at.

    Flavor: He’s in the bathroom. Can you call back later we are at the movies?

    Kenneth: You just tell Dice that his ***** *** hoe Spectrum robed me after I went asleep. I woke up in the morning and my wallet was gone. Now he’s her man so he’s gonna have to make up for my lost. (Click)

    Dice: Hi honey. Did I miss anything?

    Flavor: Hell yeah you missing me. Who the hell is Spectrum? Are you back pimping.

    Dice: What the hell you talking.

    (Audience. Can you guys be quiet were trying to watch a movie. Take that **** outside)

    Flavor: Take me home Dice right now.

    Dice: Okay just relax. Don’t talk so loud.

    Flavor: We are finished. Its over. I thought you would change.

    Dice: Please just give me one more chance. I was only going to do it for a month. I just needed the extra cash.

    Flavor: I can’t trust you and I don’t think your telling the truth.

    Dice: But I’m telling you the truth.

    Flavor: Tell that to the hoes you got out in the streets. I’m gonna find me another man who’s gonna respect me. Now with you being a pimp and I’m your girlfriend people are going to think I’m a prostitute. Did you ever think about that?

    Dice: No I did not think about

    Flavor: The only thing you were thinking about was money.

    (As Flavor walks to her house she takes off her watch and throws it at Dice’s car)

    Flavor: I don’t need your **** watch because you’re in a different time zone than me. Don’t call and don’t come over.

    Dice: that’s all right I never wanted your stank *** anyway.

    (But on the way home Dice dropped a couple of tear drops and was hurting inside. Dice extended his pimp game way past his one-month limit because he was so upset at losing his girl. After about 6 months in the pimp game Dice was arrested. The charges were dropped because none of his ******* would testify against him. Dice walk out the courtroom extremely proud and over confident. Just before he opened his car door he was confronted by an FBI agent and his probation officer)

    FBI: So you think your off the hook?

    Dice: It looks like it right pig. Oink, Oink.

    FBI: Well let me just inform you about something here. I was talking to your probation officer yesterday. And we anticipated that if you didn’t get convicted there would be a plan B. You see Dice we got you on tape taking to a known felon, Chessnut. Now your probation agreement states clearly that you can’t associate with felons or else you will surrender your parole lease.

    Probation Officer: Put your hands behind your back. Your going back to Jackson State Prison and finish up all your 8 calendar years.

    Dice: **** you mother Fu..ker. Get off of me.

    (Additional police arrive and commence to whip Dice down into submission. After spending about one year in prison Dice gets a letter from Flavor Pie-Orestes explaining the fact that she married Cat Orestes. Flashback)

    Minister Jones: Do you Flavor Pie take this man Cat Orestes to be your husband for good or bad and his good or bad health until death part you.

    Flavor: I do.

    Minister Jones: Is there any one in this church who thinks this groom and bride should not be lawful wedded speak now or forever hold your peace.

    Cat: (Talking under his breath) I’m glad Dice isn’t here.

    (On their first night in bed Cat woke up during the middle of the night dreaming Dice broke out of jail and was beating him up)

    Dice: You stupid mother Fu..ker. Who the hell you think you are writing this one-act play about me and my *******? Who you think you are that writer on The Best man?

    Cat: No please don’t hit me. I meant you no harm.

    (Cat wakes up in his sleep)

    Flavor: Whats the matter honey.

    Cat: Nothing I just had a bad dream. I’ll be… be back. I going to the bathroom to get a glass of water.

    (As he was getting a glass of water he looked in the mirror and saw an image of Dice pointing his finger towards him. Cat immediately threw some cold water on his face and the image was no longer there)



    The End

    Dear Mr. Pimp

    So you wanna be a player

    A woman slayer

    Living off of human prey

    Sex slaves you enlist

    You can’t handle your business

    So you resort to this

    The innocence of the young you rob

    All because you don’t want a job

    Your virgin queen caught you in the act

    And now she doesn’t want you back

    Now I have your ex girl

    And she means everything in the world

    God’s given me a second shot

    And now I’m gonna tie the knot

    Shakespeare opinion on Virginity

    All’s Well That ends well

    Parolles: Are you meditating on virginity ?

    Helena: Ay …man is enemy to virginity.

    Parolles. Keep him out

    Helena: but he assails; and our virginity though valiant, in defense yet is weak

    Bless our poor virginity from underminers and blowers up! Is there no military policy, how virgins might blow up men?

    Parolles: Virginity being blown down, man will quickler be blown up. : marry in blowing him down again…it is not politic in the commonwealth of nature to preserve virginity. Loss of virginity is rational increase and there was never virgin got till virginity was first lost. That you were made of is metal to make virgins. Virginity by being once lost may be ten times found; by being ever kept, it is ever lost: tis too cold a companion; away with it.

    Helena: I will stand for a little, though therefore I die a virgin.

    Parolles: to speak on the part of virginity, is to accuse your mothers; which is most infallible disobedience. He that hangs himself is a virgin: virginity murders itself; and should be buried in highways out of all sanctified limit, as a desperate offendress against nature. Virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese; consumes itself to the very paring, and so dies with feeding his own stomach. Besides, virginity is peevish, proud, idle, made of self love, which is the most inhibited sin in the canon. Keep it not; you cannot choose but lose by it: out with it…away with it.

    Parolles: Virginity , like an old courtier, wears her cap out of fashion: richly suited, but unsuitable: just like the brooch and the tooth-pick, which wear not now. Your date is better in your pie and your porridge than in your cheek: and your virginity, your old virginity, is like one of our French withered pears, it looks ill, it eats drily; marry, tis a withered pear: it was formerly better: marry, yet tis a withered pear: will you anything with it?

    Helena: Not my virginity yet….

    Whose last name is Pie in the play who carries red mountains as cheeks?

    My Velvet touch

    Oh my thematic Virgins

    I just got pimped out the studios,

    Because the gossip of Virgins never go stale

    I’m caught up in a vortex

    For getting too visionary with verbs

    And all the Vestals virgins of Ra

    Threatening to give me a vile velvet touch

    With their scared fire burning my village

    If I dear to playwright on the vulva

    If that happens I will ring my Vulcan phone

    Cause Vulcan’s carry fire sticks too

    Causing inflammation of the vulvitis

    So don’t try to be saving Victoria’s secrets

    Cause I got vcr’s and videotapes,

    That could vent vasectomies on your vanity

    These vipers will dispense with me

    The VIP miss treatment of my body

    Leaving my body vertically prone,

    Soaking in vinegar

    Verily, verily I say it’s so true

    There will be no pietas or vital statistics

    Being wrote or oil paintings of my image

    I might have to change the venue

    To escape being vaporized

    From all of these here vandals

    Trying to plug valves of the vivid

    Trying to be like vampires allowing blood to run

    Because it reads if it bleeds a vintage

    No one will know

    The hidden meaning of this tale

    You can’t protect virgins that grow

    With gossips that eventually grow stale

    AACOOLDRE Well-Known Member MEMBER

    United States
    Jul 26, 2001
    Likes Received:
    I first wrote "Pimps no More" in 2002. I sent a copy of it to the Bill Maher show "Politically Incorrect" and the FBI wanted to inspect it because religious organization objected to the Church being displayed in an unsavory light towards their youth. The only real names were used was the dead Donald Goines. Goines had dedicated one of his books to his daughter and I objected to it.