Black Short Stories : Pay Back pt1

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by Love Child, Jun 2, 2004.

  1. Love Child

    Love Child Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hello peoples' this one is kinda voilent but I hope y'all like it

    "You didn't think you was gonna get away with what you did to my girl did you?" hissed Ray after removing his ski mask. He walked over to his victim, Tess, and ripped the duct tape off of his mouth. Everybody else kept thier ski mask on even though they were postive Ray wouldn't let Tess out of the abandoned house alive. They knew Ray was sick like that, they weren't even sure exactly what he was going to do.
    "I don't know what'cha talking about I didn't touch your girl" pleaded Tess. Ray slapped him in his face. "Don't lie ****@ I saw the mask at your crib now tell me where your ***** @ss cousin Dollar is" demanded Ray
    "I don't know any Dollar, Ray, yo, I swear on dead dawgs you got the wrong ****@" "Is that so, Rizz go get the bag out of the trunk this dude ain't cooperating" ordered Ray to his man Rich. "Wha what bag?" asked Tess panicking. Rich went outside and retrieved the bag like he was told.
    Ray's other boy Johnny stood guard over Tess' girl's body. She was still knocked out from when they snatched her and Tess up and threw them in the trunk of the Escalade Ray's other boy, Chronic, had stolen.
    Ray wasn't planning on having two bodies but oh well she was at the wrong place at the wrong time. His other boy Slim sat in a meal chair enjoying the show. Rich came back in the house and rested the black duffel bag down next to Ray's foot. Ray bent down and unzipped the bag.
    "Hmmm lets see what first, oh yeah this" said Ray pulling out his brass knuckles.
    Johnny laughed at his cousin and shook his head. Ray placed the brass knuckles on and walked up to Tess who was tied to a chair with his hands behind his back. Tess was sweating bricks "Come on Ray man I didn't do it"
    "Wrong answer" Ray punched Tess in the face with the brass knuckles. "****!!!!" said all three of Ray's boy when blood starting gushing out of Tess' right eye.
    Ray's blow made Tess hang his head down and he now could only see out his left eye. "Now lets try this again, where is Dollar at?" "Ra, Ray man I swear I don't know come on man" "Nope wrong answer again" Ray punched Tess in his other eye. He took off the brass knuckles and placed them back in the bag. He started searching for something else. Ray pulled out a mini blow torch.
    "Yeah" said Ray as Tess looked up to see what Ray had in store for him next. When his swollen and bloody eye locked on the blow torch in Ray's hand Tess began squirming in his seat and breathing heavy. Ray lit the torch "Slim you better get the tape for this one" Slim got up and taped back up Tess' mouth.
    Tess started mumbling and tried to move back in his seat as Ray got closer. Rich held the top of Tess' head while Ray torched his ear. Even with the tape on his mouth Chronic still heard Tess' loud screams. "What the **** is this ****@ in there doing" said Chronic who was siting in the jeep just in case they needed a fast getaway. He tapped on the steering wheel and looked around outside becoming impatient. Luckly for them the house they were at was located behind a train track and was the only house on the block.
    Ray torched Tess' ear for a good 30 seconds then stopped. He put the torch down to cool off. Ray ripped the tape off of Tess' mouth slightly.
    "Are we ready to talk yet?" "Fu, #*** you ****@ you better kill me now"
    Ray put the tape back on him. "This ****@ got heart y'all, he's just not getting the point" said Ray to his boys. "Don't you get it you ain't gonna die yet not until you tell me what I need to know." Ray went in the bag again.
    They stayed torturing Tess for another half an hour. Tess' girl had woken up from all the screaming, but Johnny tied her up and duct taped her mouth too. They made her watch the whole thing.
    Ray had smashed Tess' fingers with a hammer one by one, but that didn't work. Ray sliced off Tess' other ear, not the burnt one, but that didn't work. Ray began thinking that Tess wasn't going to talk.
    Finally when Ray pulled out his army knife and stabbed Tess in his groin Tess cried like a little *****. There was blood everywhere and Tess could barley hold up his head. Ray removed the tape from his mouth "Okay okay I'll tell you everything just please don't cut my **** off" Tess pleaded with blood and spit hanging out his mouth.
    "I'm listening" said Ray with his hands folded in front of his chest. "Dollar is my second cousin from Balitmore his real name is Johnathan West" squealed Tess. He didn't want to dime out fam but he couldn't take Ray's torturing anymore. "Where at in Balitmore?" asked Johnny
    "I don't know somewhere near Fell's Point he stays up there with his wife and seeds, that's all I know I swear please" Ray packed up all his toys and told Rich to bring the bag back to the car.
    Ray then pulled out his 9mm and clocked it back. Monica began screaming through the tape over her mouth when Ray pointed the gun at Tess' head. He was about to pull the trigger but instead he pointed it at Tess' girl and blew her head off........

    To be continued
     
  2. krazelyricks

    krazelyricks Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    yo, this was fire. I was feelin' this. It was graphic but hey it flowed nicely. The end was the best part. I wouldn't have thought that was going to happen. Tyte drop.
     
  3. Love Child

    Love Child Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks 4 da luv Foxi you think that was bad wait til you read pt2
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    wow scary but tyte drop story
     
  5. PropheticNsyght

    PropheticNsyght Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Man i'm diggin this joint. Do ya thang.
     
  6. Love Child

    Love Child Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Good Looking out

    Thanks everyone for the support I'm still kinda new to this so I'm trying to do my best much love
    One!
     
  7. angelicsage

    angelicsage Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    WOW...This held my attention like WHOA...
    the way you write dailogue between your characters
    is phenomenal...and I love the way you cleverly create imagery
    and continually set the scene as they engage with one another,
    also how you smoothly introduce new elements and the thoughts
    of each character at pivotal points in the story...

    This is by far one of the best short stories I've ever read....

    Great Job....

    Keep writing...
     
  8. Love Child

    Love Child Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Wow thankx for all the luv it feels good to know that people feel me and the crazy things going on in my mind much love angelicsage!