Discussion in 'Black Spirituality / Religion - General Discussion' started by story, Aug 20, 2002.
Christian-fiction ... This is possible, someone creating a story to share about what could have or might have happened in a Christian atmosphere.
Christian-humor ... This is possible too, but I'm not comfortable joking / playing about it.
The peace and love of God!
After a very long and boring sermon the parishoners filed out of the church saying nothing to the preacher. Towards the end of the line was a thoughtful person who always commented on the sermons."Pastor, today your sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God!" The pastor was thrilled. "No-one has ever said anything like that about my preaching before. Tell me why." "Well - it reminded me of the Peace of God because it passed all understanding and the Love of God because it endured forever!" Index
A man dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates.
St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."
"Okay" the man says, "I attended church every Sunday"
"That's good, says St. Peter, " that's worth two points"
"Two points?" he says. "Well, I gave 10% of all my earnings to the church"
"Well, let's see," answers Peter, "that's worth another 2 points. Did you do anything else?"
"Two points? Golly. How about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans."
"Fantastic, that's certainly worth a point, " he says.
"hmmm...," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart."
"That's wonderful," says St. Peter, "that's worth three points!"
"THREE POINTS!!" the man cries, "At this rate the only way I get into heaven is by the grace of God!"
"Come on in!"
Golf during church
The Pastor woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So....
he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to preach for him that day. As soon as the associate pastor left the room, the Pastor headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his church.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from heaven and exclaimed,
"You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."Just then he hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. IT WAS A 435 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
Saint Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked,
"Why did you let him do that?"
The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
The Lord's Supper
If Jesus had lived in the Southern part of the United States instead of Israel, I am convinced that we would be observing the Lord's Supper today with cornbread and ice tea. - Hugh Troyer
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop - Acts 2:38!" (..turn from your sin...)
The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an AXE and two 38's!"
Where is Jesus today?
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today ?"
Johnny raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
And Robert, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Robert how he knew this.
And Robert said, "Well.....every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"
Christian Literature: http://destee.com/forums/showthread.php?t=58829
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