Black Relationships : Our youth starting to like "dumb"

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by dustyelbow, Aug 9, 2006.

  1. dustyelbow

    dustyelbow Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    With some SCIENCE showing how "DUMB" UNMARRIED MEN get laying with their WOMAN, now it appears OUR YOUTH picked it up. We ALREADY have it BAD ENOUGH on the OUTSIDE but to be DUMB in the INSIDE is NOT GOOD for our COLLECTIVE FAMILY SURIVAL.

    Before it was not LIKE THIS EVER BEFORE even AFTER SLAVERY. This is SOMEBODIES FRUIT. Please CHECK the "OLDER MEN and YOUNGER WOMEN" thread and GET DUMB LAYING WITH YOUR WOMAN" in the BLACK MEN WARRIOR section for some PARTIAL BACKGROUND on this SITUATION.

    Our YOUTH have BECOME PREY for GREATER SOCIETY lust for STEREOTYPES and ITS SOMEONE FAULT in OUR COMMUNITY. IT'S STILL NOT TOO LATE FOR CHANGE.

    To have a whole GENERATION of US "DUMB" is SCARY.

    But

    OH WELL

    I AM NOT WORRIED.


    Here is a part of the article.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------
    Younger blacks absorb a wariness of marriage

    By Vanessa E. Jones, Globe Staff | August 9, 2006

    As African-American teenagers in a Mission Hill conference room talk about their opinions of marriage , their comments reveal a dreary view of the institution.

    ``I'm not looking forward to marriage," says Nakeeda Burns , a 17-year-old resident of Revere and daughter of a single mother, ``and I don't think we [people in general] should be married, because I see how other marriages ended up in my family and on television. It's always a disaster."

    Even the married couples these teens know don't seem particularly happy.

    ``All of my friends who are married, they tell me not to get married," says Anderson Felix , 17, of Dorchester. `` `Wifey is going to keep you on lock.' `Everywhere you go, she'll call you every five minutes.' I won't be able to deal with that."

    Anita Marshall blurts out, ``I want a big wedding if I get married," but she doesn't think she'll make it to the altar. Her mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother were married; now they're all divorced.

    ``I don't know anyone who's married, or anybody who is married and stayed married," says Marshall, a 15-year-old from Dorchester. She and the other 10 teens in the room are participants in the organization YPACT (Youth for Prevention, Action and Change Through Thought ), which aims to develop community leaders by teaching teens about social, racial, and health disparities in their neighborhoods.

    ``When I think of `married,' " Marshall adds, ``[I think] `divorce' -- first word."

    Their disillusionment mirrors a growing resistance to marriage among African-Americans. In the post-Civil War era, when African-Americans had the option to marry legally for the first time, many did. The 1890 Census showed that 80 percent of African-American families were headed by two parents, according to Andrew Billingsley 's 1992 book, ``Climbing Jacob's Ladder: The Enduring Legacies of African-American Families ."

    But in 1970, census figures show ed that only 57 percent of black men and 54 percent of black women were married. By last year those numbers had slipped to 42 percent for men and 35 percent for women. In comparison, 68 percent of white men and 63 percent of white women were married in 1970, vs. 59 percent of men and 57 percent of women in 2005 .

    As the local teens's comments indicate, view s about marriage are formed by what people see in their lives -- and in pop culture. Shows such as ``Divorce Court " and the media's focus on the latest celebrity break-up do not paint glowing pictures of relationships. These factors may help explain why the US divorce rate approaches 40 percent.

    ``Today . . . not just in the African-American community but in the larger community, divorce is rampant, there's a proliferation of single- mother households, and there's a generation of kids coming up who are very skeptical of marriage," says Dr. William July , a psychologist who has written several books about relationships, including ``Understanding the Tin Man: Why So Many Men Avoid Intimacy ."

    But while whites tend to remarry, blacks are less likely to do so. A 2002 report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that the probability of remarriage was highest among divorced white women and lowest among divorced black women.

    Orlando Patterson , a professor of sociology at Harvard University, believes that African-Americans' views of marriage reflect the lingering effects of slavery. The system emasculated black men, who had no real power over themselves, the women they loved, or their children, who could be sold, raped, or violently beaten. It upended the traditional male and female roles in a family unit. The idea that this history could result in a stable, two-parent lifestyle for African-Americans today ``is utterly absurd," says Patterson, who explored the subject in his 1998 book, ``Rituals of Blood: Consequences of Slavery in Two American Centuries ."

    Patterson says this history lingers in the way black men and women interact. Once slavery ended, a tussle for power developed between the sexes, creating a tension that exists to this day, he says. And as some women became economically independent in the 1960s, they happily chucked those harried marital relationships.

    In the decades that followed, single people retained interest in marriage until they reached middle age, according to Patterson. Now, he says that fear of -- or lack of interest in -- commitment is trickling down to a younger generation.

    ``Women in the black community would take a shine to marriage, and if they didn't find someone appropriate by the time they were in their early 30s, they're down on marriage," Patterson says. ``What's happening is the skepticism is starting earlier."

    Grappling with roles
    That skepticism can be heard in the voices of the YPACT teens. As they talk, they reveal some of the stereotypical ideas about male and female roles they hear from the adults who surround them: Women take care of the home, cook and clean; men go out with friends and provide monetary support.

    Marshall blames a male desire to dominate women after marriage on the vows exchanged during the wedding ceremony. ``It's the language," she says. ``It's like, `OK, I'm yours, and you're mine. So you have to do this. You have to do that.' It's like ownership. They feel like they own you."

    William Glass , 16, who lives in Mattapan, thinks a re-evaluation of power takes place after the wedding ceremony. ``When you get married there's a part where it says, `honor and obey ' -- that's the part where everybody gets big- headed at. `Honor and obey, huh? Obey me! Fix my plate.' "

    The problems often develop as men and women grapple over their roles in the marriage -- an issue that is exacerbated in the Africa-American community because of slavery's legacy, says Patterson. ``There's some profound differences in what the appropriate sex roles should be . . . African-American women have a modern independent view about women's roles. African-American men -- it's a mix. In some respects, they have a modern view of what women should be: that women should work. But there's still some male- dominance views that they have that irk black women tremendously and create real friction in the relationships."

    These teens seem to have responded to those tensions by developing an early fear of commitment.

    Burns says, ``I get tired of people very quickly, so I don't think I'll end up getting married."

    Kemar Henry sounds as if he has already written marriage off, and he's only 14. He fears that getting married would cause him to lose his independence.

    ``When you have made a commitment," says Henry, who lives in Mattapan, ``and then there's money [involved] and you want to [leave], they have something to hold you."

    And what kind of hold do they have?

    ``The ring," says Kemar, holding up his ring finger, then beginning to whine as if in an argument: ``` You made this promise.' A lot of drama. But when you're not married, you can say, `I'm sick of this' and walk out."

    Henry and Burns admit they've come to some of their conclusions about marriage from watching television. Both spent the previous Saturday afternoon watching ``Divorce Court."

    ``They're fighting for the littlest reasons," Burns says of the people on the show.

    Media's messages
    The way TV shows, hip-hop songs, and movies depict relationships influences how young viewers develop their first opinions about marriage .

    ``The way we figure out what we're going to do is by observational learning," July says. `` ` If I pick up a hot pot, I'm going to burn.' They look at marriage as a hot pot, too."

    The unending media coverage of the divorces of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson , Halle Berry and Eric Benet , or Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston doesn't help .

    ``You see the celebrities," says Burns. ``Three years and then they've broke up. You might as well not go that route."

    July, who is 40 and has been married for eight years, remembers what happened when he announced his engagement to his friends. One was indifferent; another said, ``What the hell are you doing that for? You're making a mistake."

    July, who is African-American, thinks that if he didn't have the example of his parents, who have been married for 50 years, he might have been influenced by those comments. Many African- Americans lack the successful model his parents provided, he says.

    Not all messages teens receive about relationships are bleak. Glass has an uncle who's lived with his partner for 25 years; the only married people Glass says he knows are a gay couple who live across the street . But Glass has gotten good advice from his aunt on how to make a relationship work.

    ``She said you and your partner . . . pretty much have to have life straightened out first," he says . ``Don't plan it out after you get married. Plan out your life first and then you can go and get married."

    While Patterson suspects a social or moral shift will have to occur to change current marriage trends, July wonders whether the declining marriage rates will lead to a new form of relationships. July doesn't know what those relationships will look like, but he wants to do research on how economically independent middle class women choose mates.

    Get the rest here
     
  2. oldiesman

    oldiesman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    our youth...

    i wouldn't get too bent out of shape over what teenagers think of marriage,they're TEENAGERS and being as such i'm not surprised at the responses,what teens do you know who WANT to be married in the real sense and who have ANY understanding of the responsibility and commitment involved,no let em be kids because they have enough to deal with in today's world just trying to make it to school and back safely.
     
  3. dustyelbow

    dustyelbow Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Its not their WANT ot be MARRIED but more importantly what TEENAGERS OBSERVE. They see GREAT TROUBLES with MARRIAGE and the IDEA BEHIND IT in their OWN FAMILIES.

    THAT in ITSELF is TROUBLING.

    They see SHACKING UP as a POSSIBLE SOLUTION to this PREDICAMENT because their PARENTS and RELATIVE DO IT.

    So this will set THEM UP to be 'DUMB'.

    Our RACE in America CANNOT AFFORD this NOTION. Too many THINGS OUT there COMING DOWN on US and we dont NEED AN INSIDE JOB to DO US ALL IN with KEEPING US in BONDAGE ALOT LONGER than it NEEDS to BE.
     
  4. dustyelbow

    dustyelbow Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Getting close to the BOTTOM of THIS

    Promiscuity of youths today

    Q:

    Why do you think kids are more sexually active today than when I was young? Lust is certainly not new. What is causing this generation to be so promiscuous?

    A: There are many factors that have brought on the epidemic we're seeing, not the least of which is the trash that is beamed to teenagers on television, in movies and from the rock music industry. Young people today are bombarded by immoral entertainment that models promiscuous behavior and teaches them that "everyone is doing it." The diminishing influence of traditional Christian teaching is also responsible for the changing mores of our kids.

    There is another extremely important consideration that has been identified recently by behavioral research. A team of researchers from the Oregon Social Learning Center found that parental divorce plays a direct role in fostering sexual experimentation among adolescents.


    The investigators tracked the behavior of 201 junior high and high school boys who lived in "higher crime areas." They found that the boys who had sexual intercourse at an early age tended to be those who had experienced two or more "parental transitions" (divorce, remarriage or repartnering). Only 18 percent of these promiscuous boys came from intact families. By contrast, 57 percent of the virgins came from homes where divorce had not occurred. On average, these abstinent boys had experienced less than one parental transition.


    A similar study was conducted on young women by sociologist Lawrence L. Wu of the University of Wisconsin, Madison. He studied 2,441 white women and 1,275 black women, and found a strong correlation between those who bore babies out of wedlock and those who had been through a "change in family structure" when growing up. Wu concluded that the stresses of divorce and remarriage on children are directly implicated in out-of-wedlock childbearing.

    In study after study now, we are seeing that divorce, single-parenting and family disruption are unhealthy for children. This is not to criticize those who find themselves in those circumstances, but neither can we continue to deny that intact, two-parent families are the healthiest, and contribute directly to a stable society. If that is true (and the evidence for it is overwhelming), then our public policies and governmental agencies should favor and encourage traditional families. Anything that undermines or weakens them, such as confiscatory taxes or governmental intrusion, should be viewed with suspicion.

    The future of the nation depends, quite literally, on millions of strong, committed and loving families.

    ...The article here

    More STUDIES leading to WHY being UNMARRIED and JUST SHACKING UP is 'DUMB' for EVERYONE. ANY BLACK PERSON in AMERICA advocating UNMARRIED LIFESTYLES is not DOING THE BLACK RACE any FAVORS. PLEASE QUIT IT. I already know what GREATER SOCIETY thinks, they just want CONFIRMATIONS.
     
  5. I-khan

    I-khan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    those of us with more positive views are out there,just without a voice, you know how the world media is dusty...
     
  6. dustyelbow

    dustyelbow Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Yeah I know but I want to see stability in our youth lives and not from a class perspective. I know around the middle class there is more 'positive' but down where a great many of us find ourselves these views are growing and leading more lives to ruin.
     
  7. I-khan

    I-khan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    true indeed, I try to show those with less positive views (from my experience they are usually males,without father figures and such) that 'marriage' is larger than what they have been led to believe and that they do not want to complicate the situation using certain things..I try to tell them that using their immediate family and such can be more self defeatist than anything by citing 'negative' examples as rampant as they run over the 'positive' examples that come before the 'negativity'....

    It seems as if though many of our people in this world approach 'love and marriage' from the same perspective of the current (animalistic) world powers and not a holistic afrikan/native american perspective...though physical attraction plays a role in such a thing it should not be the basis which exposes the MYTH of 'love at first sight' and changes it to 'interest/lust at first sight'....i try to tell them that they should not actively look for a 'spouse' in the same manner as many people in this world do today...for emotional/sensual/economic stability with the guise of a 'life partner'...

    I could go on.....but I need to pass this message on to some peoples who need it... but at the end of the day...many of our own did learn this behavior from our current colonial/economic masters....
     
  8. dustyelbow

    dustyelbow Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I-Khan, here is a story of how DUMB (less spiritual) we are becoming.

    US COHABITING WITH WHITES MORE

    Having US COHABITING as a LIFESTYLE is a COMPLETE JOKE.
     
  9. Sodwn2earth

    Sodwn2earth Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think it is unfair to say that teenagers are dumb because they do not believe in marriage. I posted the relationship rolemodels thread to see how many people actually take the concept of love and the mold of their relationships from their parents. And only a few people answered because I believe those were the only people with two parent households in a loving relationship. We all know the sad condition of relationships between black men and woman. What makes you think that teenagers don't recognize this? I've come across a lot of girls who say they don't plan on marrying a black man, that they don't think they can find one good enough. That in itself is an entirely different topic and yes, we are talking about teens yet who know nothing about life, but still. It tells me something. It tells me that early on in life we don't expect greatness from each other, not even love. How is this the teenagers fault? This is a collective error.
     
  10. dustyelbow

    dustyelbow Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well, I dont want to be a CURSE to my RACE. When you say things like "I don't plan on marrying a black men or women' you find yourself CURSED, DUMB too, unable to have genuine sincerity about many issue in life especially OUR ISSUE with RACE.

    As a fool I stay FAR AWAY from such individuals. It's not good for the COMMUNITY.

    Teenage years is when you DEVELOP your PATTERNS you will FOLLOW for the next 20-40 years. If a girl start wearing full blown make up at the teenage years most likely she will be wearing that in here 30's and 40's. Same with a guy if he starts cursing and calling women nasty names mostly likely he will carry the same sentiments in his 30's and 40's.


    So this MARRIAGE sentiment carries the SAME WEIGHT.

    This already TELLS me TEENAGERS are around UNHEALTY SITUATIONS with ADULTS who PROMOTE such LUCID ACTIVITIES.

    I would be WORRIED about the HEALTH of OUR COMMUNITIES with such DUMB ideas BREWING.

    But

    Oh well.
     
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